Coming home tonight I was treated to a rainbow stretching across the sky. By the time I was able to get a photo of it, it was all gone but a little slice. Nonetheless, it's a beautiful sight.
I am witness these days to some things that break my heart, but that I am powerless to change.
One is a situation where someone just doesn't have the experience or knowledge to negotiate a political difficulty. Within that dynamic I recognize someone who's acting from a mixture of too much insecurity and too little awareness. The result is not pleasant. It's painful to watch but there is nothing that can stop the inevitable conclusion of this scenario.
I feel for those involved because I've been every one of them at one time or another. I've been the insecure person acting far more confident than I felt, and coming off harsh, because no one could see beyond the exterior. I've been the one caught in the wake of that, who isn't necessarily making perfect choices, but would probably be doing better left to my own devices if I were motivated enough, which remains a big question. I've also been the one along for the ride, seeing where it was going to go - never committing enough that I had anything serious at risk, but hoping I'd gather some crumbs if things went well.
None of those is a good place to be, but it seems we all have to live in every one of those spaces for awhile.Once things are set into motion there isn't much stopping it. And these aren't lessons you can learn except by slogging through them..
Actually, I think you can learn them but it requires being born into a situation where you can benefit from the experience of someone you love dearly, who is using their hard fought for knowledge by facing the same situation over and over again and conquering it because they've learned from their earlier circumstances. Few of us have that opportunity, because most people just find a way out, not a way through.
I've done both in my life - found a way out and found a way through. I can't say one is better than the other. Sometimes it's worthwhile to find a way through and learn the life lesson being taught. Sometimes the life lesson is to get out.
I've been the recipient of much grace while existing in similar circumstances and will be forever grateful. Perhaps this is my chance to repay that and extend understanding. If only I knew how to do that.
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Thursday, July 16, 2009
Posted by Patsy Terrell at 12:27 AM