Friday, March 23, 2007

Creative Sisterhood and More

Last night was Creative Sisterhood and it was a really good night. Julie didn't come but did stop by afterwards.

Her daughter and two granddaughters were in a car accident the day before and she was helping out. Fortunately, everyone is OK although her daughter hurt her neck and back. Hopefully it's not a long term problem. The cause of the accident? The other driver was text messaging while driving and ran a stop sign.

We didn't know that when we were having Creative Sisterhood, of course.

It was a really good night. My topic was the cookbook donation, which is a big deal for me. It's odd to be giving away something that has been a huge part of my life for so long. I've always thought about what to do with them when I die, but I'm a long way from dying. But, it's still time to send them to a new home. I need to make room in my life for new things.

In the spirit of such things, I made a new cake last night from a recipe I got out of one of the cookbooks I'm giving away. It's an orange cake. I made seven minute frosting to go on it and it was a big hit. I made five thin cake layers instead of three thick ones - more frosting opportunity that way.

I also got out a variety of cups and saucers. Generally we use mugs, and they do have the virtue of keeping the tea hotter, but it's nice to use china sometimes, too.

Almost everyone knew about the cookbooks because they read it here. Frankly, sometimes I think this blog is part of the reason I sometimes feel distanced from people in my real life - they don't talk to me, they just read the blog. It's flattering and yet troubling at the same time.

I sometimes discover that someone I never would have guessed from my past is reading along, but never emails or phones or mentions it. It's odd. I guess they want to remain incognito, maybe thinking I would be negative toward them. In reality, I have no ill will toward anyone in my past - old friends, lovers, coworkers, bosses, etc. - I would welcome contact from any of them.

I have chosen to live with nothing but positive feelings toward everyone I've crossed paths with. Admittedly, that takes some effort sometimes if you feel someone has really harmed you physically or emotionally. And it always takes a while to move past the hurt when it has been a serious love relationship, but it happens with time. Blissfully, I'm at that place now - a peaceful place - where there's no more hurt to move past with anyone.

I'm often criticized that people can't just "choose" such feelings and I expect too much of people - I heard that just today as a matter of fact. In reality, I'm just talking about my own life, not anyone else's. I have made a choice - and it is a choice - to be positive toward everyone I've had any connection with in this life, even if it was a seemingly negative experience or ending. I'm a pragmatist. There is no benefit to harboring ill feelings toward anyone. The only person who will suffer will be me. So, I choose not to do that. Others can do as they wish, but that is my choice.

One of my life lessons has been the realization that we all do what we gotta do to get by out in the big, bad, world. People are hurt, wounded, insecure, worried, troubled, fill in the negative adjective of your choice. We all make decisions we think weren't the wisest in retrospect, but are the only options we see at the time. We all do things we wouldn't want our best friend to know about. We all make mistakes - sometimes very big mistakes - most of us are just lucky enough to not suffer horrendously for them. We all stumble around, doing the best we can with what's before us, and I've learned that you often don't know what is before other people.

As I am fond of saying, "if you weren't there, you don't know what really happened." You don't know the pressures, the implications or the demands that are made behind closed office doors or bedroom doors or even front doors. Whenever you hear someone's recounting of a situation, it's edited - if only by omission of some facts - sometimes a lot of facts. I've been the victim of such things and I've been the perpetrator of such things - so there you go. No one is perfect. Everyone is doing the best they can do at the time.

One of my life lessons has been to let it go, let it be and let it lie.

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