Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Accepting it

As of today I have accepted that I'm sick. In reality, I've been sick since January, but I have been denying it. I do that. I just hate to be sick so bad that I will pretend I'm not until I just can't stay out of bed. I've reached that point. And, for the record, yes, I know a piddly little cold like I have is nothing and I'm thankful it's nothing. OK, now, just ignore me, because I'm about to be whiney. Very whiney. I'm not a good patient. I'm warning you... I just want to whine... but you can skip it and I don't have to embarrass myself in front of you that way, but I'll get the whining out of my system.

I've been trying to ignore that I'm sick for days, weeks, months, although you'd think the hours I've spent in bed would have been a clue, considering I never go back to bed during the day unless I'm sick. I've been trying to go about my normal life, only to find myself back upstairs under the electric blanket every 2-3 hours. I finished the prednisone today so maybe I can actually sleep some now. I bet I - literally - haven't slept 10 hours all week.

In the last 60 days, I've been on antibiotics more than half the time. I've had four rounds of antibiotics, three rounds of prednisone, and been prescribed an inhaler. I am a very healthy person. I have healthy lungs. It is time for this to be over. I can't believe I have a single germ left in my body, but the pile of used tissues near me would indicate otherwise. I started taking mucinex a couple of days ago and I seem to be producing gunk from my lungs at a rate I didn't know possible. At this point I just want it out of me - by whatever disgusting means that requires.

I went to the Dillon Lecture today - thinking I was feeling pretty good. Three hours after I left the house I was crawling back up the stairs where I remained for a few hours. I got up and came downstairs, thinking I was better. Went back up to get something and decided I'd just lie down for a few minutes. Hours later I was back up. You get the general picture.

Inbetween there was much hacking, wheezing, coughing and nose-blowing. It's the soundtrack of my life.

OK, you can't say I didn't warn you... but I got that out of my system now. I'm going to haul my sorry, whiney butt upstairs and back to bed. Perhaps tomorrow will be the turning point when I start to feel normal again.

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