Friday, January 02, 2009

Depends on How You Look At It

New Years is a time when we look for a new start. Of course, we could get that new start on any arbitrary day we chose, but we have decided January 1 is it. I haven't been too keen on falling into the trap of making New Year's Resolutions for quite some time. It's a recipe for failure for me, so I stopped doing it many years ago.

I do, however, chose something each year to focus on. I haven't yet done that this year - partially because I haven't spent enough time with pen and paper to figure out where I should put my energies. It is never something like losing weight - while a noble goal, obviously not one I'm likely to carry out. It's usually something more esoteric than that.

I do know that at this time next year I want my life to look different - be better, more calm. The trick is how to achieve that.

I also know I need to have opportunities this year to give into my whims, to meet new people, to see different things. I have become far too staid in my daily life - partially because daily life has required more and more of me in the last few months. I have to figure out how to make daily life work for me instead of me working for it.

This evening I went to the funeral home. Mattie's mother died after a long bout with alzheimer's. Regardless of their condition, we are never ready to let go of our loved ones. I haven't seen Mrs. Scott in many years. Those years can slip away so quickly, although I'm sure they've seemed very long and arduous for her family.  Although my presence was not a comfort to anyone there I'm sure, it was good to be there to honor the grief a family is experiencing at a time like this.

It's a rocky way to begin a New Year. Or, it's a new beginning for Mrs. Scott. All of life - and death - depends on how you look at it.

Next week my brother, Jackie, will go to the hospital for surgery to remove a lung cancer. The prognosis is excellent for him. I wish I could stay and be here to help when he has surgery, but I must return to my job. That's the difficulty of having a life going in more than one location - it's hard to do justice to all of them. I know it's hard to understand for those who are living life in one locale - the way we were meant to.

It's by the grace of God that the lung cancer was caught so early. His last year has been a series of miracle blessings disguised as traumas. Again, all about how you look at it I suppose.

Maybe that is something I need to mull over as 2009 gets underway.

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