Sunday, July 12, 2009

Epiphanies Come At the Oddest Times

I have had a very relaxed day, which I needed. It seems the last 6-8 weeks I've not had any time when I wasn't rushed for one reason or another. I even took a nap today - something almost unheard of for me. Maybe once a year I take a nap.

One of the things I did accomplish today was putting together more of the kitchen from washing everything in the cabinets and drawers. I had a little epiphany while I was putting the silverware away. One of the reasons I don't find time for housework sorts of things is that I don't think of them as very productive. They are never done. You just have to keep doing them over and over and over again. The same things. To no end.

I've always wondered what the deal is with me and housework because, frankly, I don't mind the actual work at all. That's not the problem. Actually, I kind of enjoy some parts of it - it has a beginning, middle and end, and you can see progress. But I mind the time it takes. That seems to be a theme for my life - I don't mind the work, but I mind the time.

Why is that? Well, I think of time as very, very precious. A truly vanishing commodity as each moment lived is a moment less we have to experience.

I'm almost always doing something - generally something productive - at least in my sense of what's productive. But, I never just sit around and "relax." I'm not even sure what that means. To me it sounds like another word for doing nothing, which means you would be producing nothing.

I do understand the idea of having to have time to think. But when I'm doing that I generally have a pen and paper at hand so I can write down ideas that pop up. Or I do that when I'm driving. I'm also fortunate that the way my brain works I can have a whole track devoted to thinking about various things while I'm doing something else.

There are things I love to do that I simply don't allow myself a lot of time for. I love to take long baths, but never do unless I have something to read or write that I can do while in there soaking. I love to bake, but rarely do unless I'm having guests. Maybe now that I have coworkers again I can take baked goods into the office.

At the same time, I love it when my house is tidy - I just don't love it enough to spend the time to make it that way. Once a year at Christmas I have things pretty clean. Of course, the time I spend doing Christmas is something many people would consider not very productive. But it feeds my soul, and that is a necessity.

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