Monday, January 25, 2010

But it's still good...

This is one of the tshirts I keep in my studio to slip on when I want to paint. Because I'm messy. Very messy. As you can see.

But I have spent a large part of the weekend going through things, cleaning out in the studio and other parts of the house. I have a big stack for Goodwill and have some other bags for the trash.

As of this morning I'm saying goodbye to this - and I'm putting in the trash, not taking it to Goodwill for them to have to throw away. Part of me is screaming, "but, it's still good..." Well, in the most technical of senses, that it is still held together as a garment, I suppose that's correct. But, it's crusted with paint to the point that it's no longer soft and it has holes in it. I think it has served me well and can go on to its great reward, whatever that is for tshirts.

But it's a symbol of my attitude toward things - if it's still good, why would you get rid of it? I finally learned that sometimes you get rid of something because you're not using it and someone else can. That's a very good reason and the only one that has kept my house from being one with only paths.

One of my difficulties is always clothes. They seem to be everywhere and yet I never feel like I have anything I want to wear. I do not keep things I don't wear regularly, other than seasonal or costume things that have limited use but that I want available. I'm pretty good at passing on things someone else can use. But there's a part of me that always wants to hold on. Maybe it's from when I was young and it was very difficult to find clothes to fit me. Whatever the reason, it's always a mental task to make the decision.

However, I made a lot of progress this weekend in clearing things out. I'm not anywhere near done, and my house looks worse now than when I started, but there is progress. I'm realizing just how little I've done for a year now. Let me tell you, things really pile up in that amount of time. I spent a third of the last year unable to lift more than a few pounds, with the majority of that time being unable to go up and down my steps, so things got very out of control. It feels good to be able to make my usual multiple daily trips up and down the stairs now. I'm still not graceful at it, but at least I can do it.

I'm feeling better all the time, and in less pain all the time, unless I do something to hurt myself. I was in a lot of pain last week after the coffee at work, when I moved a lot of things around. I didn't move anything that was above my limits but I think my poor muscles are just protesting after not doing much lifting for the past couple of months, which is to be expected. But, overall, things are getting better. I must be healing well. By the way, I hear healing is an inflammatory process.

Well, I need to get ready for work. I went to bed early last night so of course I woke up extra early. I tried to go back to sleep but finally just got up and starting doing things around the house - one of which was to let go of this poor tshirt... even though it is kind of pretty with the paint splatters... and it's still good...

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