Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The Day

Today was my first day in the office since Thursday. I've been on the road a lot for work lately - nothing major - just one thing after another. I don't mind being on the road, but unfortunately, things do not stop at the office when I'm out.

Tonight right after work we had Chicks. My topic was the name worshipping I talked about in yesterday's blog. Some friends on Facebook added interesting information to that idea today - one of the many reasons I love Facebook - and having smart friends.

By the way, if you're a blog reader and want to connect on Facebook, just send me a note with your friend request and I'll happily add you. I used to have my Facebook totally open, but changed it to protect some of my info there a few months ago. But, I'm delighted to connect with blog readers, so just send me a request.

In other news today I went to the cardiologist for a six month follow up. He proclaimed he was "very, very happy" with my heart, that everything was "perfect" and "beautiful." Yet, I have another appointment in six months. I didn't have a cardiologist until after I had surgery, even though I was diagnosed with afib some years before that. But, once you get a doctor of any sort, you seem to have them forever. Fortunately, I like this one, so it's not all bad. And, apparently we've entered into a long-term relationship I wasn't aware of, so it's a good thing I like him.

I have the next couple of days off for working this past weekend. I've toyed with various ideas for fun, but I think I will stay at home and work on the house. I've been home so little the last few weeks that I think I'll enjoy the time here.

I need some quiet, unstructured time. I have some writing that needs to get out the door, but I also need some time to just think and contemplate.

Tomorrow morning at 4:32 marks the 10 year anniversary of Mama's death. I generally do something that makes me happy on that day, because teaching me to be happy was one of Mama's greatest gifts to me, and I will tomorrow, too. But I need some time to reflect as well.

I'm at some crossroads in my life and haven't had much time to just think. So, I'm going to use some of tomorrow for that purpose. After all, we have to continually invest in our happiness and I need to figure out where to put my energies.

The past few weeks have found me out of sorts, as I usually am this time of year. I've come to some realizations that explain why that is, beyond the anniversaries of Mama's birthday and death.

I wrote a post some time ago, asking a little tenderness. It arrives in the kindest of ways sometimes. Sunday morning I was working at the Sampler Festival and Greg's mom called to say she was thinking of me because it was Mother's Day. It was so sweet of her to do that. I didn't have much chance to talk with her because of the event, but it was so very nice of her to call.

Such things matter in ways we cannot imagine when we're doing them sometimes. I try to remember to extend kindness to others as well. Although, I confess, this time of year I am caught up in my own mental exercises, and fail miserably.

This time of year has always been a season for soul searching. Lately I've realized that has a very long personal history that is at once so obvious and so obscure. It was hidden even to me until recently.

This year a new person coming into my life as this was going on caused me to examine things in a different way and come up with a different conclusion. Isn't that obvious? To come to something different you have to do something different. Simple but true.

Unfortunately, as is so often the case, it has not been a pretty process. I'm not sure the word "process" ever evokes anything pretty in its midst. But, it just is. Sometimes you're fortunate enough to have people who will stick with you even when the process isn't pretty, waiting patiently for the other side.

1 comment:

Kim said...

Thinking of you, Patsy, and praying that the wonderful memories of your mom help guide and sustain you on your journey. Enjoy your day of contemplation and rest.