Monday, May 23, 2011


A few weeks ago I had the most extraordinary lunch with a friend. It was like six months of therapy over a lunch hour. We both cried, we both laughed, we both left changed.

We started by discussing respect. She asked how I came to have so much self-respect. I had never thought about it before but after considering it for a moment I boiled it down to self-talk. I'm always thinking I have as much right to be wherever, and doing whatever, as anyone else.

But, of course, I had to remind her there is a dark side to that as well. Whenever anyone does anything I feel is disrespectful, I just snap. It's an immediate reaction, with no "stop and think about this" mode, and the aftermath can be messy. People can be shocked by the vehement reaction that seems to be coming out of nowhere.

Since we had that conversation I've been mulling it over in the back of my mind, considering respect and how I came to be this person. What I've uncovered is yet another thing in a long list that I can trace to specific events in childhood.

It seems no matter what we do or say or accomplish or learn or achieve, we never "get above our raisin'." I am so weary of repeating these lessons. I wish I would learn whatever I need to learn so I could move on with regard to this.

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