Monday, January 23, 2012

Forgiveness and Violets

is the fragrance
that the violet sheds 
on the heel 
that has crushed it."
          --- Mark Twain

I love this quote. It sums up forgiveness so beautifully.

I've learned forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. I've let go of a lot of anger in my life as I've forgiven various people.

But there is still one person I need to forgive. He has never asked for it. Perhaps he doesn't even realize he should, although the sheepish way he acts around me on the rare occasions I see him, makes me believe differently. But at this point, that is not going to happen. So, I need to let go of that.

Until the last few months I didn't even realize I still harbored anger toward him until I heard people talking about him, telling stories of sharing pleasant times with him. And the bile inside me rose. How dare they have good experiences with him? Aren't they on "my side?" How dare he be enjoying life.

Of course, all of that is completely ridiculous. He has been enjoying life for years, probably with little or no thought to what transpired between us. Other people don't know what happened, and even if they do, it's not what happened to them. For there is the truth of every situation - it is my story, not theirs. It's not even our story - it's my story.

And that means only I have the power to change it. To rewrite it. To let go of the anger. To give myself the gift of forgiving him.

At times it has been so easy for me to forgive things I never thought I could. For some reason, this one lingers. But I must figure that out and let it go and move on.

I need the sweet smell of violets...

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Judith Robl said...

Forgiveness can be a tricky thing to master. Just when you think you have it in hand, resentment jumps the fence and runs amok again. Bravo for your recognition and kudos for your efforts.

Patsy Terrell said...

Thanks... Yes, forgiveness is tricky business indeed!