The Kansas Guidebook

Today was a very important day for Kansas, and most Kansans don't even know it.

Marci Penner released her new book, "The Kansas Guidebook," which details what there is to see and do in Kansas. It's more than 400 pages long and chock full of cafes, museums, art, architecture, and dozens of other things you can see in Kansas.

She had a book signing today at what is affectionately referred to as "The Barn," where her office is.

Marci traveled 40,124 miles over two years to gather the information. The book includes nearly 700 restaurants, cafes and soda fountains, and I'm looking forward to trying out some of them.

Trish, Linda and I rode over together for the book signing. When we arrived, we saw Molly was already there.

There were other faces in the group that I recognized - some from Kansas Dialogue and some from other events.

I'm a proud member of the Explorer's Club, a project of Marci's foundation, which encourages people to "do dirt" and take back roads.

Martha was helping out today, of course. She has been on the board of the Kansas Sampler Foundation for years, which is Marci's organization. She believes strongly in the foundation and its purpose - and also in Marci.




That's Trish (blonde) and Linda getting their books signed by Marci. You can also see Martha in the background at the cash register.

Marci did a brief presentation before the book signing, talking about doing the book. She visited all 627 incorporated towns in Kansas to produce the book. She didn't make appointments, she just took off and found what she found in each community.

The Sampler Foundation (http://kansassampler.org) encourages people to appreciate rural Kansas and what's special about it. And, there is plenty that is special. I'm sure that's true of all states, but we're blessed to have Marci to show us the way here.


Marci looks at eight elements of rural culture; architecture, art, commerce, cuisine, customs, geography, history and people. She is on the governor's Rural Task Force and is a tremendous supporter of Kansas.



Marci's mom and dad are two of her biggest supporters. The barn is built on their farm and there's a path between it and their home.

One of the great bonuses if you go to an event where Marci is featured is that you're likely to get some delicious cookies, compliments of her mom.

Today was no exception. I ate three and finally removed myself from the building and went outside to sit near the beautiful arrangement on the porch to keep from making a fool of myself with the cookies. Maybe Marci and her mom should write a cookbook.

I don't think Marci is too interested in another book of any sort right away. This has been a major project.

I am honored to consider Marci a friend.

I cannot urge you strongly enough to purchase a book if you live in Kansas, or if you plan to visit. This will keep you from missing out on the gems that are the things you find little references to after you get home and kick yourself for having missed.

It's a bargain at only $24.95 - printed on nice slick paper with color photos throughout, and with a spiral binding that lends itself to being road worthy. Order at www.kansasguidebook.com.

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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

Friday

Today is the first day I've had a bit of a break in over a week. I didn't have anywhere I needed to be extra early this morning and I got to be home tonight so I actually got things done in the house tonight.

People often seem to think things move too slowly on my home. The other night at red hat I said something about the studio and that I couldn't use it yet because there's still furniture in it from having the floors done, and someone said, "that's still in there?" with some incredulity.

Well, yes, it is. I haven't had a chance to work on it yet. I'm still trying to get the dining room back together so I can move the dishes out of the kitchen. I'm trying to paint the sunporch so I can get the furniture that's piled in the living room situated. I'm trying to finish the library upstairs so I can put together the shelves so I can get the books out of boxes so the boxes can be thrown away so the furniture can be moved where the boxes are.

And, I'm trying to keep work running and having a life and seeing friends and taking advantage of what there is to do in my area. I guess I don't move as quickly as some think would be appropriate, but I'm doing about all one person can do. At least all this person can do.

And, to top it off, today I'm trying to figure out a computer problem. My computer is moving like molasses. I don't know what its problem is and I'm about to run out of the obvious answers so I don't know what I'll do at that point. I miss the computer tech bf even more tonight. I've looked for spyware, a virus, etc. I've deleted unused programs, temp files, and even some files to make extra room on the hard drive. I've done disk checks and defraged. I've used system works and searched for anything that seems amiss. But, it is still running like molasses. It is more like room temperature ones instead of cold ones now, but it's not working properly.

I also suspect it's my ISP because it seems to be working OK except when I need net access. Of course, they will NEVER admit that it's their problem, but I'm very suspicious.

I had lunch with Trish and Teresa today. Of course we talked politics. I can't even begin to elucidate how fed up I am with so many things going on. Bush's approval ratings are falling - finally - but it doesn't seem to translate into anything changing for the better.

Well, I'm overdue for bed. I'm going up to Marci Penner's book signing tomorrow for her new guidebook. I am excited to get a copy. Hopefully I'll get a nice photo or two to share here tomorrow.

After that bit of fun I must work more on the house. Work, work, work!

Heifer International

Today was a very busy day and I spent part of it at the Statewide Homeless Summit being held here.

One of the things I really did not want to miss today was the lunch speakers. They were from Heifer, International, and were fabulous.

If you're not familiar with this program, it's exceptional. I've been a fan of it for years, but put my money where my mouth is by buying some honey bees today.

They provide animals to people in developing countries, with the understanding that they will pass on the offspring to other families. It's an incredibly successful idea and they do amazing work.

One of their centers is in Arkansas. When I'm able to visit the Clinton library, I think I'll try to make time to go visit there too. I spoke with Mr. Nelson for quite a while after the speech. He used to be a peace corp volunteer and we had an interesting conversation about various topics.

I cannot urge you strongly enough - if you are looking for a great gift for someone, please consider this. They raise about 80-90% of their money during the holiday season with their gift program. You can purchase honey bees for $30, or a pig for $120 or shares in various animals. You can - truly - change lives by writing a check. It can't be much tidier. www.heifer.org for more information, or click on their logo above.

Their mission is to end hunger and care for the earth. It's hard to argue with such a mission. $13 billion dollars a year would provide basic health and nutrition for the poorest people on the planet. For comparison's sake, we just approved another $50 billion for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, pushing the total over $350 billion.

Homelessness is often related to Mental Health issues. What people don't understand is that taking care of basic needs - like housing - is far cheaper than dealing with the issues that result from those things not being taken care of. When housing is taken care of, people are less likely to be a drain on social services of various types, to be imprisoned, or going the ER or a variety of other things. It seems, at some point, that we'd catch on, but we seem unwilling to accept the facts.

Morning with Madden

It's a beautiful morning here. I've been up since before daylight, even though I went to bed late. But, I woke up ready to meet the day so got up.

I try to start every day with a thankful attitude. My first thought when I wake up is, "Wow! I woke up! This is great... I get another day." I've been accused of being a polly-anna, but - hey - you know what - I'm pretty happy most of the time too. I think there's a connection between that and starting each day thankful.

I have been to a speech this morning that reinforced that for me, which was nice. The chamber breakfast featured John Madden, a motivational speaker.

He was fabulous - witty and entertaining. He has written a book called "Leap Don't Sleep," subtitled, "How to Get Different Results by Doing Something Different."

His speech was really fun. I'm so glad I went. I wasn't sure the timing would work out because there's a conference starting today that I wanted to attend. But, that starts later today so it all worked out.


When I stopped by the house to pick up something I noticed that my morning glories have just gone crazy with blooms in the last couple of days. I couldn't resist a couple of pix.

It's cloudy here today, and they're saying we will get some rain. I'm looking forward to a moody day. It's been beautiful and sunny - and 90 degrees - the last few days. There will always be weather - I might as well enjoy whatever it is.

When I got out of the car, I thought I heard rain, but realized it was leaves falling out of the trees. That's a wonderful thing about being human, things like that are new to us each time. It took a moment for my brain to register that was the sound of dried leaves rubbing together. I've heard it every fall for 43 years, but it was new again this morning. Beautiful.

I couldn't resist snapping a photo of my neighbor's tree to commemorate the morning.




http://www.leapdontsleep.com/html/body_8.html to see John Madden's site and info on his book

Music and the RIAA

I'm not a big music fan. I don't buy it. I don't go to hear it live. I don't download it. I don't covet an I-pod.

But, I'm fascinated by the RIAA's assinine insistence on prosecuting 13 year olds who downloaded their favorite tunes. The thing they don't seem to grasp is that technology does not go backward - only forward.

I-pod makers understand this. They figured out how to make money from it. Lots of money. Now the RIAA is thinking that their cut isn't enough.

I suspect this has less to do with that money and more to do with how record companies always have all the sales figures whenever there's a dispute with an artist. Isn't that convenient how that works out?

Today I opened PC Magazine and saw Dvorak's editorial about this very thing. Well, OK, his piece is much better written and more thoughtful than mine and more detailed - and he never used the word "assinine" - but the gist is similar.

I did a quick search and found it's online at: http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1895,1862166,00.asp

Governor in Town

Tonight I attended a democratic party fundraiser that featured Governor Kathleen Sebelius.

She is a democrat in a republican state, but she is loved by both sides. I'm not sure if she wants a national political career or not, but if you ever get a chance to vote for her - do. She's an exceptionally gifted person who can make more happen than most people can imagine.

She spoke briefly, but it was mainly a chance for folks to get to visit with her. I had to leave early as it was also Red Hat night.

Lots of folks I know were there tonight, but there were also lots of people I didn't know. It's always good to meet democrats we haven't had a chance to get to know before.


Trish was there and I was teasing her that I wanted to get a photo of her with the governor because it would help her future political career. I'm not sure I'm ever going to convince Trish to have a future political career, but I don't give up.



Mark Treaster and Jan Pauls, representatives, were both there. They introduced the governor. Mark has us all laughing, which was nice. I don't live in his district, but really, really, really wanted him elected. It was close, but he got the votes and has proven to be a good legislator. I hope he has a long future in politics.

Before things got started, Teresa and Theda were joking and I got this nice shot of them. Theda is always teasing me that she doesn't like to have her photo taken. I believe it has been here before. I'm not sure why she doesn't like it since she looks great, but she doesn't. She is Jocelyn's aunt. I haven't been able to get Jocelyn involved in the party yet, but I'm not giving up.

Kathie and Teresa have been friends for years and she was involved in a book club I started with some friends years ago. She joined the Democratic Women's Group the same day I did and since then we have really grown a lot. She is very, very involved in the party locally.

Pat Patucek is a local artist and a die hard democrat. She spoke at our monthly lunch a few months ago and she was very interesting. Obviously, the governor knows her.

I did get to say hello to the Governor briefly and complimented her on her performance on "A Prairie Home Companion" when they were at the fair (Sept. 10 if you want to see the blog entry). She said Garrison called her a couple of times and it was interesting to hear that voice on the phone instead of the radio.

It was good to see a lot of people there tonight - including some young people. It was a nice event.

I took a ton of pictures, but this is all I'm up for getting on the web tonight. Maybe I'll do some more at a later time.

Natural Disasters

Am I the only one who thinks we've been having an awful lot of natural disasters in the last few months that are the "worst ever?" The tsunami, Katrina, Rita, flooding, earthquakes, etc. etc. etc. If I were a Bible scholar I'd be looking at Revelations more closely.

I'm starting to think all we need is a locust plague tossed in and we got some good, Old Testament stuff going on.

Maybe the current version of locusts is birds, since they seem continually infected with some sort of flu. I'm hearing the word "pandemic" much more than I like in my average media consumption.

sig line

"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by doing so some people have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13.2

Lauren's Drawing

Jocelyn and her granddaughter, Lauren, were at Diana's on Thursday when I stopped it an lunch.


Lauren decided to draw a picture of Diana and it was pretty impressive - with arms and legs and facial features - not bad for a three year old. Of course, she does have the art gene.

Lily and the Pink Purse

I believe I've mentioned Lily's love of my pink purse. I think it's really just about the purse and not the color of it.

I always let her enjoy it whenever I pop in. Now that she can crawl, if I set it on the floor, she's there in a second.

I took these pix on Thursday.

Beautiful Saturday

It is an absolutely beautiful day in central Kansas. It's 80 degrees with a gentle breeze and bright sunshine in a perfect October sky. Did you know the skies in October are bluer than any other month? They are. You can certainly see that today here.

I spent part of the morning at the Farmer's Market, then down to the local fruit and vegetable market for more goodies. At the moment I have some black beans simmering on the stove with fresh tomatoes, shallots and garlic. I'm going to toss in some yellow and red peppers after a bit and enjoy the soup with sour cream and salsa later. Maybe I'll make some cornbread to go with it.

I'm enjoying a season of home over the next few months and today is day one of that. Seemed appropriate to cook something from scratch for this particular day.

New Spam High/Low

Today I got my first piece of spam in FRENCH. As if it's not sufficient they stuff my mail box with languages I actually understand, now they're starting on ones I study. Spanish can't be far behind. I'm guessing spam filters won't do a darned thing for those and they can't even catch all that are in English.

And... gosh... all the French I've taken and I can determine something is spam... What an accomplishment...

Question

You've been given the ability to instill in all young women, aged 10-14, one belief, one bit of wisdom, one guiding principle. What would you choose, and why?

Friday

This has been a very trying day. I had a project that had to be finished today and it took many twists and turns that were unexpected. Fortunately, at 6:30 tonight it was finished, but it took some doing and multiple people to get it accomplished. I'm exhausted, but happy it's done.

Wednesday

I need another couple of days in this week to get everything done that I need to do. I went hard all day today and still didn't accomplish all I had hoped.

Tomorrow is a jam packed day and here I am still up at midnight when I know I need an early start tomorrow.

Tonight was Creative Sisterhood. We met in the downstairs sunporch. I finished sealing it last night with the last coat. I'm very pleased with how it turned out. When I get a chance, I'll post some additional pix of the whole project. Since last I did photos, much scrubbing occured to get all the sand grit off before sealing. Anyway, it's officially done now. I'm a little worse for the wear, but the floor is done.

Everyone was here tonight and it was a good night. This group has become so very important in my life.

I also had another coaching session today. It was a good one. Sheri has made me think of things in different ways so that's a very good thing.

I have some projects that have to be finished this week so I'm hoping that Monday I can take at least part of the day off and relax a tiny bit. I'm pretty worn out.

What Else Can Oprah Do?

Today Oprah announced that two of the men wanted for child molestation that she put on her show a week ago have been captured. I applaud her efforts. I think it's wonderful.

However, I wonder how many more things can Oprah take on? First she got America reading again. Then it was spiritual awakening. Next came Dr. Phil and his spin off TV show. There's Christmas in Africa and relief for Katrina victims. Now she's catching child molesters.

I think this is wonderful. Goodness knows, like most people, I want to see child molesters off the streets.

But what else Oprah can take on? And why is it Oprah's job to catch child molesters? Don't we have a whole system to do that? Why isn't that working?

Obviously, Oprah has decided to DO something, and that's marvelous. But it seems we should be considering why the system we have isn't working.

Something very big is broken. Maybe we should try to fix that. Or we should just appoint Oprah as dictator. Maybe that's not such a bad idea. This one woman seems to be able to accomplish what hundreds - nay, thousands - of others can't. She seems to be able to do the impossible - from getting America reading to catching child molesters. I can't figure out why those who's job it is to inspire us to read or to catch the bad guys can't do it. What does Oprah know that the rest of us don't?

Art of Gracious Living

For the past 2 1/2 years I've had a discussion group called "Art of Gracious Living."

The description is as follows:
This is a community of people dedicated to living life to the fullest - through art, journaling, creative pursuits, gathering friends together, cooking, making home a wonderful place to be whether for ourselves or a whole family, introspection and questioning, and venturing beyond our safety zones. This is the place to be reminded to appreciate the little moments that make up a life, about taking the road less traveled and enjoying every step.

I have wrestled with this group - let the membership rise but still only have a few people posting; tried to make it a smaller group but everyone must post; etc. etc. etc. I do not understand the purpose of being in a discussion list if you don't want to "discuss."

Last night I had decided to disband the group. Today I've decided to open it up to new members and see what happens.

Jan. 19 will be the three year anniversary. At that point I'll decide which way to go - keep it, delete it, who knows what.

If it's of interest to you... you can join at yahoogroups.

More Real

Disasters are always more real to us when it's a place we've been to or that we can relate to. All the news from Guatemala has me reeling because I've been to Lake Atitlan, which is where the hard hit village of Panabaj is.

When Matthew and I were in central America a few years ago, we spent a day on the lake, visiting some of the sites there. This was not a town we visited, but the area was beautiful.

Traveling in less touristed areas is always lovely for that very reason - fewer tourists. Of course, you also spend more time getting from point A to point B because there isn't the infrastructure for it.

Officials are saying they will simply declare some towns to be graveyards and leave them. That is a beautiful sentiment in some ways, and yet horrific at the same time.

The Bride Wore Tennis Shoes

Diana's daughter, Taylor, married her long time friend, Tom, yesterday afternoon in an outdoor ceremony at Dillon Nature Center.

A number of us went to help yesterday morning to transform the wedding nook and adjacent area from an open area with an empty shelter into something appropriate for a wedding.


Tina is a long time friend of Diana's and also works at DNC so she was invaluable. Cousin Lori is someone I've met a few times too. Both are fun so we had a good time getting ready.

Diana did a ton of planning, then left us in charge of making it happen while she went to get her hair done and get ready for the wedding. I'm not sure we did it to her specifications, but we got it done. It's hard to carry out someone else's vision.





Jocelyn did the invitations, and then created signs that marked the path to the wedding nook from the same design. Jocelyn recently did Christina Aguilera's wedding invitations,so it's quite the coup to get her!


Jocelyn and I worked on the arbor yesterday morning, adding some color to it. We also added some berries and such to the doors that formed the gateway into the wedding nook.

It was a beautiful day - sunny, but a tiny bit chilly in the shade. But, it was lovely.

Taylor wore a beautiful gown that laced up the back, and sported tennis shoes beneath. I applaud her decision on the shoes, as it seemed the only logical choice.

Lily was there, of course, but not especially social. I think she was worn out from trying to amuse all those adults gathered there.


She did make her presence known during the ceremony, adding her chatter at times. It added to the informal, fun nature of the event. I like to see laughter during weddings - gives me much more hope for the relationship than ceremonies that have nothing but drama in them.


We lunched on Roy's barbecue after the ceremony. Teresa, Jocelyn and I sat together. Andrea came for the wedding but couldn't stay for lunch.




Diana's new son-in-law, Tom, is a long time family friend and a really sweet guy. I know he will be good to Taylor.



I had something else and couldn't stay to help them clean up. I haven't talked to Diana today but I know she's exhausted.

But, everything was beautiful.

Poetry Reading

Tonight I went to a poetry reading at the local Women's Civic Center. Things were kicked off by Harley Elliott, an accomplished man who lives in Salina - about an hour away.

His poems often talk about Kansas, and what living in Kansas is about. One of my favorites of his was not one he read tonight, but you can read it at http://skyways.lib.ks.us/poetry/waking.html.

He is an engaging personality, and always a crowd favorite.

He was followed by Amy Fleury, a poet who lives in Topeka. I was really touched by her poetry. One particular line really stuck with me - "he sang her a song she'd been wanting to hear." Every woman who has ever had a relationship can relate to that.

http://www.siu.edu/%7esiupress/titles/f04_titles/fleury_beautiful.htm

Fleury's work, "Beautiful Trouble" was published by SIU press in September of last year. She got high praise for it, including the following from the US Poet Laureate and Pulitzer Prize winner, Ted Kooser.

"The minute I finished 'Beautiful Trouble,' I wished I had copies to give to all my friends: To the poets, of course, who will admire it for its art, but also to those who don't read poetry. Fleury proves that a book of poems need not be baffling or condescending or self-absorbed. With ordinary words placed with perfect precision, this book throws open dozens of windows onto fresh new ways of seeing, and loving, the world."

Denise Low came next. She was very animated and told wonderful stories that put her poems into context. One of my favorites that she read played off the Apache belief that a dead person's things could be "haunted" by that person's essence, called "Gernonimo's Boots."

This was the first event held at the Civic Center in a long time. The building had been slated to be torn down. Trish has taken it on as a project to save it. It's going to be the new home of the Reno County Arts and Humanities Council, a board I've joined recently.

After Denise, John Eberly and his wife, Catherine, provided some musical entertainment. John is someone I've known for years through other people. In the last few months, I've gotten to know him better.


I had not heard Catherine sing and she has a beautiful voice. Just lovely, clear tones.

Afterwards we heard from two local poets, both of whom are well known in their own rights.

First up was Bill Sheldon. He grew up in Western Kansas, but now lives here. His poems were geared toward that.

There was a workshop earlier today, but I couldn't go as I was at a wedding. One of the topics was to consider new slogans for Kansas. One Bill joked about was "Expect Less."

The scheduled part of the evening ended with Steven Hind, who taught at Hutchinson Community College for many years. He evoked laughter from the audience a number of times, as well as some other emotions. One line that really stuck with me was in a poem about his dad. The line was about "this place he had been given, that he had chosen." That really stuck with me because we do all choose where we are at in so many ways literal and figurative.

All in all it was a wonderful evening. We were treated to two more poets who were in the audience tonight and got up to read their work. Both had the audience engaged and laughing.

Jocelyn came tonight, too. So, it was fun to see her. We've spent part of the day together off and on since this morning when we did wedding set up, then the actual wedding, and than tonight's event.

I'm ready to turn in. It has been a long day. I'll post wedding pix as soon as I get a chance.

Dala Lope

Dala Lope will make his debut this weekend in Lindsborg, Kansas. Look for him at www.thelope.blogspot.com.

Shower Epiphany

This morning in the shower I had one of those flashes of insight that seem so common during the early morning ritual of washing oneself.

The reason I bristle when people talk about work being rewarding and fulfilling and meaningful is that it implies that our mere existence here, at this time, in this place, is not. That in order to justify each breath we take we must be "producing" something.

I think this is just a nice, big, fat lie purported by corporate America.

My existence is valid, regardless of what I'm doing for a living. I will not believe the lie that what I do for a living is what gives purpose to my life.

A Poet for Peace

see this at:
www.thenation.com/doc/20051010/olds

For reasons spelled out below, the poet Sharon Olds has declined to attend the National Book Festival in Washington, which, coincidentally or not, takes place September 24, the day of an antiwar mobilization in the capital. Olds, winner of a National Book Critics Circle Award and professor of creative writing at New York University, was invited along with a number of other writers by First Lady Laura Bush to read from their works.

Three years ago artist Jules Feiffer declined to attend the festival's White House breakfast as a protest against the Iraq War ("Mr. Feiffer Regrets," November 11, 2002). We suggest that invitees to this year's event consider following their example.--The Editors

Laura Bush
First Lady
The White House

Dear Mrs. Bush,

I am writing to let you know why I am not able to accept your kind invitation to give a presentation at the National Book Festival on September 24, or to attend your dinner at the Library of Congress or the breakfast at the White House.

In one way, it's a very appealing invitation. The idea of speaking at a festival attended by 85,000 people is inspiring! The possibility of finding new readers is exciting for a poet in personal terms, and in terms of the desire that poetry serve its constituents--all of us who need the pleasure, and the inner and outer news, it delivers.

And the concept of a community of readers and writers has long been dear to my heart. As a professor of creative writing in the graduate school of a major university, I have had the chance to be a part of some magnificent outreach writing workshops in which our students have become teachers. Over the years, they have taught in a variety of settings: a women's prison, several New York City public high schools, an oncology ward for children. Our initial program, at a 900-bed state hospital for the severely physically challenged, has been running now for twenty years, creating along the way lasting friendships between young MFA candidates and their students--long-term residents at the hospital who, in their humor, courage and wisdom, become our teachers.

When you have witnessed someone nonspeaking and almost nonmoving spell out, with a toe, on a big plastic alphabet chart, letter by letter, his new poem, you have experienced, close up, the passion and essentialness of writing. When you have held up a small cardboard alphabet card for a writer who is completely nonspeaking and nonmoving (except for the eyes), and pointed first to the A, then the B, then C, then D, until you get to the first letter of the first word of the first line of the poem she has been composing in her head all week, and she lifts her eyes when that letter is touched to say yes, you feel with a fresh immediacy the human drive for creation, self-expression, accuracy, honesty and wit--and the importance of writing, which celebrates the value of each person's unique story and song.

So the prospect of a festival of books seemed wonderful to me. I thought of the opportunity to talk about how to start up an outreach program. I thought of the chance to sell some books, sign some books and meet some of the citizens of Washington, DC. I thought that I could try to find a way, even as your guest, with respect, to speak about my deep feeling that we should not have invaded Iraq, and to declare my belief that the wish to invade another culture and another country--with the resultant loss of life and limb for our brave soldiers, and for the noncombatants in their home terrain--did not come out of our democracy but was instead a decision made "at the top" and forced on the people by distorted language, and by untruths. I hoped to express the fear that we have begun to live in the shadows of tyranny and religious chauvinism--the opposites of the liberty, tolerance and diversity our nation aspires to.

I tried to see my way clear to attend the festival in order to bear witness--as an American who loves her country and its principles and its writing--against this undeclared and devastating war.

But I could not face the idea of breaking bread with you. I knew that if I sat down to eat with you, it would feel to me as if I were condoning what I see to be the wild, highhanded actions of the Bush Administration.

What kept coming to the fore of my mind was that I would be taking food from the hand of the First Lady who represents the Administration that unleashed this war and that wills its continuation, even to the extent of permitting "extraordinary rendition": flying people to other countries where they will be tortured for us.

So many Americans who had felt pride in our country now feel anguish and shame, for the current regime of blood, wounds and fire. I thought of the clean linens at your table, the shining knives and the flames of the candles, and I could not stomach it.

Sincerely,
SHARON OLDS

Dreams dead and Dreams new

It has been a very full work day. Plus, I worked in the diversity lunch today. It was a really good group today. Service was a bit better, which was a nice change.

Greg and I went to Skaets right at 5 and then Julie came over later for me to help her with a computer thing.

I've been rather distracted all day today. Today is another anniversary to get through. The day is almost over. Tomorrow will be another one. Some dreams die - some gracefully, some not so much. I get exhausted from all of it, but can't seem to let the days pass without noting it because it seems to belittle something that was important in this lifetime.

Last night I had the oddest dream - actually three dreams that were related. I know these dreams will alter how I see the world - they already have slightly - and they will yet more, I'm sure. They were not dreams of my brain clearing itself. Part of me is excited to go to sleep tonight. Part of me is frightened.