Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Home

I got home this afternoon about 5:00. All was well at home and at the office. I went straight to the office and worked until about 6:30. I haven't done much around the house tonight and haven't even unloaded the car. I'm weary.

I think mostly I'm weary about the idea of getting back to "normal life." I love my life, but it can wear a person out at times. The first of the year is a very busy time for me with work. I'm looking at the month of January and have only three free nights.

One of the things I'm going to be doing in this coming year is pulling back from some of the things I'm involved with. I must focus more energies on my writing and recording. I only have so much time that is not rented by my employer and I must use it judiciously.

Overall it is good to be home. It was very relaxing at Mary Ann and Jackie's house - I slept late and piddled around - but I do have a life going that requires some attention.

When I go to Kentucky, I often think about moving back there. I love some of the wonderful old homes in downtown Paducah. I think I've got one more house redo in me. Of course, that's said with more confidence than I might feel if I ever get this one done. All I need is a bunch of money - then it would be much easier.

But, as much as I identify with Kentucky and as much as I am a southerner at my core, I cannot find a place I belong in the area where I grew up. My views are so very different than many in my family that it's probably easier for them to not have my views "in their faces" all the time.

We never have any difficulties - I am very respectful - but that is "their territory," if you will. It's not appropriate for me to live in their territory and profess completely different views. It was their territory long before I came along. It's almost incumbent on the ones who are different to leave, so the family can preserve what it is about. Communities are small, close knit, and when someone in a family stands out as a "sore thumb" it's hard on everyone else. Maybe that's why I never returned there. Small communities are a prime example of "no man is an island."

I am blessed that I adore my family. I would never want to hurt them in any way. And if I lived there, it would be a constant "threat" to them because they would not know what I might say or do publicly that they would disagree with and then they'd have to deal with that with their friends. It would make them live "on edge" a bit, wondering what I might say or do. That would be a rude thing to do on my part. And I would not presume to do such a thing.

I don't agree with the majority of people in Kansas, either, but it doesn't hurt my family when my letters to the editor are published. It doesn't hurt them when I'm speaking at some event, putting forth views that would force them to "explain"it to their friends.

I am a person who seems to continually find myself in jobs - paid or voluntary - that lead to a public life on a small scale. And I have no reason to believe that that would be any different if I lived there.

But, it's wonderful I can go and visit and renew myself at the river. The confluence of the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers is a place I return to repeatedly. Standing on the bank, looking at the ripple in the water where the rivers join forces, is restorative to me.



I took this photo yesterday. I am standing in Illinois. Across the water on the left is Kentucky. Across the water on the right is Missouri. You can see the ripple in the water, and the color difference between the Ohio and Mississippi rivers.

This is at Cairo, Illinois. When I was young, this was where we went to shop. The town has really deteriorated in the last few years. It's a pity. You may recognize the name of the town from Mark Twain's writing. And, yes, it is named for the Egyptian town, although it's pronounced differently.

In November of 1803, Lewis and Clark spent five days here with their men, learning to use celestial navigational as well as other tools. They made their first latitude and longitude measurements at the confluence of the rivers. All maps made from their data began at this point. At the time of their expedition the confluence was in what is now Cairo, north of where it is today. Rivers are a living thing and their courses change. And, of course, the Lewis and Clark expedition was before the earthquake of 1811 that caused the Mississippi to run backwards for three days.



In 2001, I gave pieces of driftwood I gathered at the river to some friends with the following piece I wrote.

I am a person of rivers.

For those of us born to rivers, they are life itself. We speak of them reverently. We fear them. We cherish them. We are drawn to them by a force we cannot comprehend but have no choice but to obey. They flow through our souls. They define us.

We go to the river for strength, for guidance, for solace. We cannot possibly find our way in the world without returning to the river periodically. It beckons to us. We cannot deny its call. We learn at a young age that there's no point in even trying. Not that we want to anyway. The river knows when we are away from it too long. It summons us home.

We gather at the riverside for family celebrations, baptisms, and catharsis. We have rituals, public and private, that are carried out only on those banks.

The confluence of the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers is a place I return to when I've lost my way in the world. I have said prayers of thanksgiving and prayers of entreatment from the same spot. I have sought direction and consolation. I will do both again as long as I walk upon this Earth.

I gathered this driftwood on an April Day of 2001 with the idea of sharing it with a few special friends at Christmastime. I had no idea then how profoundly changed I would be by the end of this year. My life will never be the same as it was that day.

I can't give you the river. I can't even explain its attraction for those of us born to it. But I want to share with you a small token of it. May this driftwood encourage you to visit what restores you.

I hope the holidays are a time of joy for you and yours this Christmas.

Patsy
Christmas 2001


__________

While I was driving, I heard this song on the radio for the first time. The line regarding "muddy water" makes it appropriate to share here. This song definitely sums up my feelings about my place of birth.

Boondocks
Karen Fairchild/Kimberly Roads/Phillip Sweet/Jimi Westbrook/Wayne Kirkpatrick)

I feel no shame
I'm proud of where I came from
I was born and raised in the boondocks
One thing I know
No matter where I go
I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks

And I can feel that
Muddy water running through my veins
And I can hear that
Lullaby of a midnight train
It sings to me and
It sounds familiar

I feel no shame
I'm proud of where I came from
I was born and raised in the boondocks
One thing I know
No matter where I go
I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks

And I can taste that
Honeysuckle and it's still so sweet
When it grows wild
On the banks down an old camp creek
Yeah, and it calls to me like a warm wind blowing

I feel no shame
I'm proud of where I came from
I was born and raised in the boondocks
One thing I know
No matter where I go
I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks

It's where I learned about living
It's where I learned about love
It's where I learned about working hard
And having a little was just enough

It's where I learned about Jesus
And knowing where I stand
You can take it or leave it
This is me
This is who I am

Give me a tin roof
A front porch and a
Gravel road
And that's home to me
It feels like home to me

I feel no shame
I'm proud of where I came from
I was born and raised in the boondocks
One thing I know
No matter where I go
I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks

I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks

You get a line
I'll get a pole
We'll go fishing in the
Crawfish hole
Five-card poker on a Saturday night
Church on Sunday morning

You get a line
I'll get a pole
We'll go fishing in the
Crawfish hole
(Down in the boondocks)
Five-card poker on a Saturday night
Church on Sunday morning

You get a line
I'll get a pole
We'll go fishing in the
Crawfish hole
(Down in the boondocks)
Five-card poker on a Saturday night
Church on Sunday morning
(Say a little prayer for me)