How We Go On

As I was driving yesterday I heard Julia Glass on NPR talking about the book, "Warps The Mind a Little" by John Dufresne. I haven't read the book yet, but her review makes me want to.

But at the end of her piece she said something that jumped out at me, that I had to quickly write down before it escaped my brain.
"All the best novels are about one thing: how we go on."

I started rolling through my mental list of books I love and discovered she has hit the proverbial nail soundly on the proverbial head. How we go on. Yes, it's all about how we go on. How do we go on after love or death or both. How do we go on after embarrassment over things done or said. How do we go on when it seems impossible? How do we go on?

I'll be thinking about this in regard to my own writing.

Glass packs many beautiful phrases into this short piece, but I would be remiss in not quoting the full one regarding how we go on.
"All the best novels are about one thing: how we go on. The characters must survive the fallout of their own cowardice, folly, denial or misguided passion. They squander what matters most, and still they pick up the pieces. I've been there and, clearly, so has John Dufresne."

I've been there, too, but I've never expressed it so eloquently. This is truly an exercise in using the language judiciously. One way we go on is to write. Oh, to hope to use words well when doing so.

If you want to hear the delightful piece, or read an excerpt of the book, go to the NPR site.

Old and New

This has been a day of old and new. I was driving to the west this afternoon as the sun was setting and this scene reminded me of that combination of extremes. Wind turbines are a more common sight on the prairie these days. They're a new way to harness a timeless power.

This morning I went to Radio Kansas to give good wishes to retiring General Manager Dave Horning. Dave hired me to do news at the radio station many years ago, and then gave me a chance to become a PR person. It has been on my mind all day that many of us were brought together in this life because Dave hired us at one time or another. I'm guessing that may be strongly felt by Anthony and Carolyn, who met at the station, who are now raising their four sons in Indiana.

Ken invited me to do an on-air interview with Dave and I wasn't at all prepared, but it was great to be on the air there again. For reasons I can't fully explain, I always feel comfortable holding a microphone. People often me what a great voice I have and I keep thinking I should be in a line of work where I'm using it more, but as of yet I haven't figured out what, exactly, that path is. I'd love to do more voice work. I really enjoy it a great deal.

I'm really happy in my new job and was really happy to be at my old work place, seeing people I used to work with, as well as new folks there. I chatted with Ric a little and Sharon quite a bit. Geralynn and I talked awhile and I said hello to other folks who are working there and who used to work there. I guess I missed Andrea by just a few minutes.

We don't always know what kind of impact we have on other lives - something worth remembering as I go through daily living. Old and new and inbetween all merge together into life.

I went over and shook Dave's hand when I was leaving and said, "Mr. Horning, I hope you throughly enjoy retirement." I don't know that I've called him "Mr. Horning" since I returned the phone call he left on my answering machine about coming out for an interview more than two decades ago, but it seemed appropriate in the circumstance. I hope nothing but wonderful things come his way in retirement.

Geeks On A Saturday Afternoon

What do geeks do on a Saturday afternoon?

They take pictures of themselves in Riverside, Iowa, next to plaques noting the future birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk.

Am I embarrassed?

No. I am not.

Live long and prosper.

________________

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Pumpkins

You may remember the saga of my pumpkins earlier this summer. Well, first of all, in case there is any confusion, let me tell you this is not one of my pumpkins.

I had my first pumpkin patch this year and it was looking quite wonderful in my backyard until the squash bugs arrived. They came one weekend when I was gone and destroyed my pumpkins before I had returned Sunday evening. I was not a happy camper about it. Frankly, I'm still not.

Before the arrival of the pests, I decided I would enter some pumpkins in the fair. I even did the paperwork online and printed it out. I was all excited. I did not expect to win anything, but I thought it would be fun to see my pumpkins there with the others.

Well, when I was at the state fair, I went and looked at the pumpkins. This was the grand prize winner and it was perfect. I mean, perfect. Beautiful orange color, perfectly curved stem, gorgeous. If somewhere in the back of my mind I had any delusion about one of my pumpkins netting any kind of ribbon, it was quashed. Soundly.

I was glad I had not forced this shame upon the two pumpkins I managed to save from the bugs. They may not be beautiful enough to win a purple ribbon, but I love them just the way they are.

And I'm mighty impressed by this perfect pumpkin. Very impressed.

A Sign of the Times - Worry over Flu

At the K-State booth at the fair, they were letting people take home temporary tattoos, but not applying them because of a danger of spreading disease. It seems the worry over H1N1 continues to grow.

I am planning to get flu shots - the regular one and H1N1 - but I can't say I'm overly worried. Of course, I'm an obsessive hand washer, so I guess you could say I worry all the time.

________________

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Rituals

It's funny how rituals develop. When you do something the first time, you don't know that it's going to be something repeated, and that it will take on a meaning beyond the experience.

Every year at the Kansas State Fair, we go visit "The Little Man." This automation is at the Women's Christian Temperance Union booth under the grandstand. He moves and the book turns as he does.

I find it completely charming that the book is filled with pages made from cut up magazines and handwritten messages - all about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. It wouldn't be the same if I went one year and they had employed a graphic designer to make everything slick and fancy. I like it just the way it is. It's perfect.

That's one of the things about rituals. We don't want them messed with. At all.

Whenever we're at the grandstand during the fair, we always meet at "The Little Man." We make a trip up to visit him, even if we're not going to the grandstand for any other reason.

We were shocked to learn that Trish had never seen him. She has been to the fair every year of her life, and not seen him. Isn't it interesting how something that's meaningful to some of us has completely escaped her notice? I insisted on taking her photo with him. Maybe this will just be the first of many such photos.

What is his hold over us? Well, we joke about that. First of all, it's just cool that an automation who's been around many more decades than me is still working, raising his eyebrows, ringing his bell and pointing at the pages as they turn. He has truly withstood the test of time.

Beyond that, there's a comfort in returning to the same place and seeing the same scene each time. What's near that booth changes - this year it was a mix of tie dye garments and Jesus Sandals (their phrasing, not mine) - but The Little Man is in the same spot, doing the same thing, year after year. It's something you can count on. Something that makes your world feel a little more normal.

Sometimes we all need a little normal and that's part of the power of ritual.

Social Networking for Rural Tourism

I spent last night in Winfield, Kansas, southeast of Wichita. I was there to teach two classes today about social networking. These are groups of rural tourism folks, and this is a project of the Kansas Sampler Foundation.

I arrived too late last night to do any exploring, but couldn't resist this photo of the Union State Bank. I loved the sign and the graceful archways. Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to explore today either because I needed to head back after class. I hadn't been to Winfield in awhile and need to get back there soon. They just completed the Walnut Valley Festival that draws people from all over the world.

In these classes I teach folks blogging, facebook and twitter. Do I think those will always be THE things? No. But I know technology never goes backward and we're going to be using something. And if people know how to use these things, they can transfer that knowledge to whatever the next thing is.

I never feel like I cover everything sufficiently, but at least people get some idea of how it works and can experiment with it on their own later. In every class some folks are brand new to these concepts and some are further down the road. Regardless of where people are, there is potential. Great potential.

I stress to them that the lives we're leading on the prairie are exotic to others, just as a life in downtown Cairo would be exotic to us. And I encourage them to be out there promoting their message, whatever that is.

I'm thrilled to be part of this project for numerous reasons.
1. I believe there is tremendous potential in using social networking to promote rural tourism. It's free. It's available. It's global.
2. The Kansas Sampler Foundation is an amazing organization, and unlike anything I know of anywhere else. If you're looking for quality, that's it. I'm flattered they asked me to participate. It's the equivalent of the Good Housekeeping Stamp of Approval.
3. It's wonderful to meet the folks in these classes. Many of them are from very small communities and are doing incredible things.
4. I want other people to understand the thrill of exploring rural areas. There's nothing else quite like it. I think social networking can help people understand what there is out there, just waiting to be discovered.

If you've never taken the time to explore in your own area, do it this weekend. I promise it's rewarding. Get in your car, drive to a rural area, start talking to people, and find out what's unique about it. Then tell others. Buy some stamps at the local post office (small post offices are always in danger of closing - buying stamps there helps their bottom line), pick up some basics at the local grocery store (did you know grocery stores have to buy $10,000 worth of product weekly to get delivery? help those folks who are keeping the stores open in small communities), shop, eat, get gas, and otherwise make an impact. Trust me, your visit - one person or one group - can make a difference. Do it.

When these classes are finished and everyone has their pages up and running I'm going to print a list here, so you can see what folks in rural Kansas are doing. You'll be amazed.
________________

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Things we come to later in life

I was thinking this afternoon about things I've come to later in life. I know some would say I'm not old enough to have any 'later' yet, but I have learned some things in these years. I'm guessing in another decade I will feel like I've come to more things. There's something about those things we come to on our own, that aren't taught to us, but that we learn through our own brand of reasoning. Those things are more deeply held but less ingrained. Maybe because it was a process to come to them we reaize othes could arrive at another place.

I'm know as the question person in my circle and I think this is an insightful question - what have you come to on your own?

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The Family You Make For Yourself

The other night I had something on television and heard the phrase, "the family you make for yourself." It jumped out at me at the time and I'm still thinking about it a week or so later. Of course, it's not a concept unique to that show, but for some reason it struck me then.

 

I'm blessed to have a wonderful family I was born into, and I've been incredibly fortunate with the family I've made for myself. I've always been choosy about who is in my life. I think because I witnessed from a young age how much that impacts your life and the lives of those around you. Everything has a ripple effect. If your world is full of people who thrive on drama you will never have a moment's peace. If your world is full of people who are overly cautious about everything you will rarely have a moment of adventure. It's all about finding the mix that suits you. I like some adventure but I can do without much drama.

 

I thought about how much others were affected by my surgery. Of course, there was nothing I could do about it, but I thought about it nonetheless. While it was hard to think I was making life difficult for those around me, it was a great comfort to have those who matter to me nearby - in person, by phone, by note, by any means. It was a genuine comfort.

 

When one is on the other side of that equation there's something very special about that. It's good to know your presence or skill or attention is needed - that you are needed - that you have something positive to offer to the situation. Often there's not much you can actually do, but the mere fact that you're willing to do anything that arises says something about the relationship you have. Even if you are not called on that particular time, you know you are part of a family that has been "made" and it's a comfort - more to you than the person in "need" sometimes.

 

Ultimately, we are all part of families people have made for themselves. Sometimes that's the result of marriage or childbirth, sometimes association, sometimes friendship that goes beyond "friend." However it happens, it's these bonds that hold our lives together, our communities together, and our societies together.

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How Quickly We Acclimate

I was thinking today how quickly we acclimate to new situations and conditions. It's really quite amazing. Something in our brains just automatically accepts our "new normal." Of course, this only works with small things.

 

A funny one I've noted lately about myself is handwashing. I'm a bit of an obsessive handwasher and at the Cosmosphere the soap and water are automatic. Although I've only been there a couple of months, I find myself already waiting for other soap dispensers, which require some manual intervention, to do their thing. Eventually it occurs to me that I will have to do more than just stand there.

 

The same thing happens when we drive a different car. You find yourself automatically reaching for the gear shift wherever yours is. But, within a short time, you're comfortable with the other car.

 

It's quite an amazing feat that our brains shift gears like that so quickly in so many ways. It also points out how many things we do on autopilot. Our brain filters what we need to pay attention to and what we don't. In fact, that's actually the ability that we lose as we age - the ability to filter easily - not the ability to take in information.

 

We humans are amazing creatures.

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A Girl's Gotta Have A Good Pen

I've had a thing about pens and paper since I was very, very young. I sometimes wonder if my desire to write was about being able to use the pens and paper. It's yet another chicken/egg question, I suppose. Of course, I still write now with the computer so I guess that's not all of it.

I love pretty colors of ink. It can be a struggle to find a generic blue or black pen in my house or on my desk at work. Greg one time had to sign a legal document and in frustration asked, "Do you have just a blue ink pen?" The closest I could come was a blue metallic one. It sparkles on the page, what can I say?

Michele recently brought me a little present of some uniballs that are clear barrels but the ink is blue, purple or pink. Very cool. I am a pen expert and know the differences in how different ones feel on different papers. It's all part of the writing experience to me.

The writing we do with pen and paper is different than what we do on the computer. When I need to puzzle out a problem of some sort I always turn to paper. That's where I do my creative writing by and large. It's more organic, I think, and gives a different connection.
________________

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Today

Yesterday I made a pact with myself - you know how those go - "if this isn't better by tomorrow..." Well, this morning when I woke up my eyes were so goopy I could hardly see, meaning it was definitely not better, and I needed to see the eye doctor. It's just allergies - nothing major. I have "allergy bumps," which was determined by turning my lid inside out so he could look at it - a little something I'd not had the pleasure of until today.

 

But this morning when I was getting ready I thought, "hmmm... if I have an infection I could be transferring it with the mascara..." so no makeup for me today. Not that it wouldn't have been an icky mess anyway.

 

Teresa and I had plans for lunch today at Roy's. And, so, of course, it's TODAY when I'm wearing no makeup that the Cox guy asks to interview me about my Cox service. Of course, today. Naturally. I've only eaten at Roy's about a million and four times but it's TODAY when I have no makeup on that Cox wants to interview me. Today.

 

Do I have the common sense to say no? Of course not. I blunder right on through. No makeup and all. I can only hope it will be on the cutting room floor or whatever the modern equivelant of that is. The digital wastebasket I suppose. Although I did work "brisket" into one of my answers, which doesn't exactly flow with high-speed internet and cable.

 

Teresa, unlike me, was fabulous... sporting her freshly waxed eyebrows and all.

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Technology

I love technology in its various forms. Obviously it dramatically impacts my world every day. I was thinking today how satisfied I am with many different kinds of technology. I love my cell phone, although I find I actually talk on it very little other than to a few friends. But I use it to access email and text and look up phone numbers and check the weather and on and on. I'm considering a phone change and I realize that whatever it does I will use. And no matter how much that is I will want more. It's not because I'm greedy but because I always see more possibilities. I love possibilities.

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Sacred Trust Violated

A journalist has two sacred trusts between him and his source:

1. Always protect your source - journalists have gone to jail instead of giving up their sources.

2. Always respect "off the record."

 

These two things allow journalists to build respect and trust between them and newsmakers. It's how the system works. It's journalism 101. Actually, it's journalism from freshman high school level. Okay, make that seventh grade.

 

When Terry Moran put Obama's comment about Kanye West being a jackass on twitter he violated that sacred trust. And a "journalist" who's willing to do that has no respect for the system and will do anything. I cannot imagine a newsmaker ever trusting him again. If I were a newsmaker I wouldn't even tell him what time it was.

 

I won't even comment on his "opinion" added to the tweet. Surely we all know that real journalists don't give opinion. They give facts. If you want to be a commentator, get a show for that or get a blog. If you want to be a journalist, there are some rules to follow. See numbers 1 and 2 above for starters.

 

It's not that I disagree with Obama's assessment, and I doubt too many are going to jump to the defense of Kanye West because most people think grown men shouldn't be terribly rude to teenagers at all, much less in front of millions of people. Frankly, I like having a president who feels like the rest of us do about such a thing instead of having some politically correct answer.

 

But I really don't want to live in a world where the way I found this out is accepted practice. I'm not one to talk a whole lot about the constitution, but there's a reason it is written for freedom of the press. Without respect for these rules there can be no free press, and without that there can be no free people.

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Being Civil

I didn't see it when it happened, but I've seen it since. What was Kanye West thinking? In case you don't know, he interrupted teenager Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the VMA awards to point out that Beyonce had one of the best videos ever.

 

They cut to Beyonce who is shocked. You don't have to be too good of a lip reader to see that this is not a compliment she is comfortable with.

 

She was very gracious by inviting Taylor Swift back on stage to give her acceptance speech when Beyonce won an award later. Not that there's any lesson one learns that tells you how to act in such a situation, but good grief, Taylor Swift is a teenager. She's navigating some difficult waters as it is. Apparently Kanye West thought he'd just try to make things awkward for her, Beyonce and everyone else in the auditorium - and who is seeing it later.

 

I realize there are far bigger issues in the world, but this is a microcosm of one thing that's very wrong in our world - we have forgotten how to be civil. I'm not saying we all have to be 100% appropriate in every circumstance - that's just not going to happen - we all make mistakes.

 

And it's a matter of how big a microphone we have. Unfortunately, Kayne West had a big microphone. Of course, he stole it from Taylor Swift.

 

This comes right after Joe Wilson's outburst of "you lie" during the president's speech. I do not believe that the president deserves respect just because he's the president. I believe respect has to be earned. But that sort of action is inappropriate in that circumstance. I would have felt the same if someone had yelled "you lie" at President Bush when he was speaking. It's not the right environment or method to express your feelings. Wilson was out of line, as was evidenced by the reaction of others at that gathering who were horrified.

 

It was the same reaction at the Video Music Awards and at the President's Speech. People understand when things go too far. But some people, namely Wilson and West in these cases, didn't get it beforehand. Have we lost the ability to predict that uncomfortable situation?

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Weekend Going, Going, Gone

I have spent most of the weekend engaged in fair-related activities, although I was on the fair grounds very little today.

Susan and I met for lunch and to catch up. It was great to visit with her. I was with her until about 3, then ran over to Trish's briefly. I did manage to do a little work at home before leaving for the Huey Lewis concert at the fair. Very little, but a little.

Trish and I met there and I'm glad I went. It was fun. Those guys can really sing, which they proved by doing a couple of numbers acapella. They also handled a concert they way I like - no opening act and don't be too chatty between numbers.

The one thing they all do that drives me nuts is the fake encore thing. It's fake because we all know they're coming back. I'm not sure why groups can't play until they're done and then be done. I don't get the point of it, but apparently I'm the only one who doesn't get it.

The weekend has been too fast. This will be a busy week for me at work and I'm on the road one day so there's much to accomplish.

(Greg took this photo of me Saturday night)

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A Day at the State Fair

I spent most of the day at the Kansas State Fair. We're so fortunate to have it happening right in town. The party comes to us and we just have to drive a few blocks to join in.

 

Greg and I went to a concert tonight and he took some nice photos. I'm a little weary to work on them tonight, but hopefully will get them posted tomorrow.

 

Of course, tomorrow I also need to work on the house because I pretty much played all day today. I am having lunch with Susan tomorrow. She and Jim are working the fair and I happened to plop down on a bench across from them to put some stuff in my backpack and Susan saw me. It will be good to catch up with her a bit.

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The Days Zip By

This week has zipped by and I feel like I didn't accomplish very much during it. In fact, I never even got my to-do list rewritten, which was going to be the first thing I did Tuesday morning. But, my days just didn't go as I had planned, and it never happened.

At home I've created a huge mess working on the office. I'm hoping this weekend I can make some headway on that. Next weekend I'll have company for the fair so people do need to be able to walk through my house, which at the moment is not really possible. There are paths in the dining room where I pulled stuff from the office. I'm going to aim higher than just pathways.

I was industrious enough to mow the front yard tonight. It got dark before I got the back done but I didn't want to be the person who's front yard was a mess when we're expecting so many visitors in town. I guess that's my civic duty for the day.

Today is the first day of the Kansas State Fair. Generally I go the first night but not this year. But, tomorrow. I love the Fair. People whine about the traffic and the people and the noise and the dust and the whatever. I love it. Not all those things in particular, but there's plenty to love.

The fair is a great example of taking advantage of what's in your own backyard. It's the largest event in the state and it happens in the town where I live. All I have to do is just drive a couple of miles and walk in. It's not uncommon to run across people who live in Hutchinson and never go to the fair. The biggest event in the state is happening, people are coming from all over for it, and people here won't drive five minutes to go.

No doubt tomorrow I'll be looking at jars of jelly with blue ribbons and picking up whatever this year's favorite freebie is. Expect to see photos.

Do something fun in your own backyard this weekend.
________________

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Ace Jackalope is More Famous

Ace Jackalope is famous... well, more famous. Check him out on page 30 of this issue of Hutchinson Magazine.

Oh, and Greg is there too.

Follow the lope at http://www.thelope.com/.


________________

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Warrior For Family Values

The representative in California who was bragging about making love with his girlfriend describes himself as a warrior for family values. I wonder if he spanks his wife, too, or just the girlfriends.

 

I'm so tired of people who are hypocrites. While I might not share all of the traditional "family values," I do respect the few people I see who believe that way and actually live it.

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My Story About Health Care Reform

I haven't said a whole lot about the health care reform debate but I think we need a change.

A few years ago I was at a presentation by Newt Gingrich when he said we needed to just throw out the system and start over - we didn't need reform, we needed something completely new. I agreed with him then. I agree with him now.

I'm not smart enough to figure out what that should look like. But I am smart enough to look at the stats from countries with socialized medicine and see that they live longer than we do, which seems counter-intuitive to the idea that they don't get access to medical care. In reality, they get far more access than many Americans do.

As is so often the case with any such discussion in this country, it's WHICH Americans are getting care that is the issue. Those who have private insurance have great access to care. Those who don't have private insurance have very little access to care. Oh sure, you can go to the emergency room, but stats show people are reluctant to do that until the situation is very serious and they're far more likely to die.

It's the haves and have-nots. Most of the haves can't see why we need to change a thing. They've got insurance and therefore access to health care. They don't want it messed with. They believe that, obviously, everyone else could have it too if they were making good decisions/living right/working hard/fill in the phrase of your choice.

I've been a very lucky girl because I've always been in the "have it" category. And, yet, because of a need for surgery earlier this year I send hundreds of dollars a month to various medical entities. I say "no" to many things I'd like to do because I need to pay medical bills. I say "no" to luxuries like concerts, events, weekend trips, dinners out and dozens of other things because I need the money to pay medical bills.

I work as much as I can outside of my "normal" job to make extra money to pay medical bills. I'm really blessed I'm able to do that - that I have skills I can market, that people are willing to pay me for them and that my job allows me to use my time off to do those sorts of things.

In between I take phone calls from medical entities whose default mode is "nasty," for no reason other than they can be, I suppose. I've been in tears more times than I can count. I've been able to set up payment plans with everyone and I've not been late a single time, but the default if I need to talk to them about something is usually nasty and condescending. For those who have treated me like a normal human being, who just didn't happen to have a few thousand dollars on hand to give you immediately, I thank you. You don't know how much your kindnesses have meant to me.

I worry every day about medical bills. Every day. If I'm being treated this way and I have insurance and am paying my bills I cannot imagine what it's like to have no insurance and a bill that's many tens of thousands of dollars more than mine. Because, of course, my bill was reduced significantly by the "negotiated" insurance rate.

This is just another scam of the health care system. If the negotiated rate is $100 for something, you can't make me believe anyone is losing money on it. In one case, a friend's $11,000 bill became less than $1000 at the negotiated rate. But, of course, if you don't have insurance, it costs $11,000. And when you can't pay it, it's written off as a "loss." In reality, the loss was less than $1,000 because everyone is still making a profit at that. But the loss is entered as $11,000 and bandied about as evidence of how awful it is that they're having to absorb these horrendous bills.

The reason I have so many bills is that I had an insurance with a high deductible - not because I was trying to save so much money on premiums, but because it was all I could afford. And it wasn't easy for me to get that insurance card. Because I'm overweight I was deemed as uninsurable by the insurance companies. My cholesterol is 107. My sugar is normal. My blood pressure is normal. But it didn't matter. I didn't fit on their charts and they were having none of me. Because we have an option in Kansas for a "public" system you can buy into, I had insurance. I was paying about $275 a month in premiums for a $7500 deductible. I would have liked a lower deductible, but the next level at a $5000 deductible was just more than I could afford. But, thankfully, I had insurance.

When I was diagnosed with an ovarian tumor in January, my insurance card bought me access to a specialist without me having to lift a finger, other than to pull the card out. That magic card gave me passage from my doctor to a surgeon to a specialist, all within a few days. And I'm grateful. I thought as I went under that morning, not knowing if I would wake up as a "cancer patient" or as "very lucky girl," that I was getting the best care I could. Why? Because I had an insurance card.

So, here I am, a very lucky girl. And I know it. And I'm thankful. My tumor was benign. My surgeon was fantastic. My hospital was exceptional. My friends were terrific. I'm a very lucky girl.

But, although I'm a "have" in the insurance game, and a very lucky girl, I am not willing to gamble that I will always be so lucky as to be a "have." And I'm not so heartless to think that because I "have," that's all that matters. I want everyone to be a have. And I'm willing to pay more taxes for it. Yes, that's right. I'm willing to pay more taxes. I do not believe I will be paying as much in taxes as I'm paying now for insurance and care. I also just do not believe myself to be so special that I should be a "have" while others do without. I don't think I'm that much more intelligent or hard working or entitled than others who don't have insurance.

Because I've had to go find insurance, and have actually gone through that process, I have some sense of just how tenuous it is. I've also sat on a board of directors where we were hearing repeatedly how upset people were that they weren't getting raises while we were continuing to pay their insurance premiums that had doubled in just a few short years. I suggested at one time that we stop offering insurance and give people the money instead. That was not viewed as a viable option. But at some point it will have to be because companies just will not be able to afford to continue offering insurance.

If people didn't get insurance through their companies - which frankly makes no real sense, it's just something that evolved over time - a huge percentage of people would not be able to get it. If you're a little bit overweight, have high blood pressure or diabetes, have had cancer or a heart attack, have severe allergies or a congenital defect, or any number of other "common" ailments like high cholesterol you are probably uninsurable.

Respectfully, if you haven't ever had to go find insurance on your own, you can't really speak to what the insurance crisis is like. If you actually need insurance, or if you fit on their chart where they think you might need insurance, they aren't interested in having you as a customer.

Now I work somewhere where insurance is an option and all I had to do was fill out a sheet of paper and sign it. I pay half and they pay half. I'm paying about what I was but my deductible is 10% of what it was. Of course, absolutely nothing has changed about my health status. But because I'm a very lucky girl, I've now landed in a "group," which is an insurance company creation to make money. If I had been in a "group" earlier, averaging the costs over a large number of people, it would have been much less for premiums. But I was an individual, so no group pricing for me. In the group I'm in it would be less if there were more people. But insurance companies don't want us to form large groups because they would lose money then.

I want everyone to have good care and the only reason they don't now is that insurance companies want to get richer. You know what the biggest increase in health care cost has been in the last decade? Administration costs. You know what that means? Hiring people to tell you all the reasons they don't pay for your claim. Those people you fight with on the phone are the biggest increase in health care costs.

Eight months after surgery I'm still fighting with my insurance company about paying for the appendectomy they did when I was operated on. It's standard procedure when ovarian cancer is suspected because the appendix is one of the first places to show abnormal cells. Because they couldn't tell from initial pathology if mine was cancer or not they took out my appendix. My insurance company doesn't want to pay for it. They, apparently, believe it would make more sense for me to heal from this surgery and then go back for another surgery, with another hospital stay, to have my appendix out at some later date. It cost an additional $401 during this surgery. But, somehow they believe a 2-3 hospital day stay, sedation, etc. later is more logical than to pay $401 now. I'm not medically trained and I don't pretend to understand much of anything about the system, but I know that's ridiculous.

I'm not smart enough to know what to do about the health care system. But I know there's ENOUGH in this country for everyone to have all they need, and that includes medical care. There is enough. Period. Enough. I'm not saying that you or the guy down the street can't have more than other people - more than enough. That's fine with me. I just want everyone to have enough. Enough food. Enough housing. Enough schooling. Enough medical care. Enough.

UPDATE: 9/30/2011
I'm still paying medical bills, but have some of them paid off now. I no longer have an employer's health insurance plan so I have some temporary insurance while I hunt for something permanent again. The COBRA plan was more than my mortgage, so that wasn't an option. I ended up having a second surgery in 2009 but am now feeling fabulous. I am, indeed, very lucky. I still want everyone to be able to say that.

UPDATE: 6/28/2012
I have been a "have not" for months. No health insurance company will insure me now because I had an ovarian tumor removed. We never get past that question. The high risk pool I can buy into would cost me $16,000 a year before they would pay anything - not reasonable for me. Today the Supreme Court upheld that the Affordable Health Care Act, dubbed "Obamacare" by detractors, as constitutional. In 2014 I will be able to buy health insurance because companies will no longer be able to pick and choose their customers.

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Labor Day Work

I have spent labor day working on my home office. I know, I keep saying that, but I'm still working on it. I will be saying it for some time to come. Today, unfortuantely, I've made things look worse.

 

Greg and I did go to dinner - that was my fun for the day. Then Sharon and Greg came over and helped me move some furniture, including some shelving units. I really want my home office to be all tidy and organized. I'm a long way from that at the moment. And in the process I've managed to destroy the dining room, where I'm sorting everything.

 

Creative Sisterhood is this week, but the ladies will just have to ignore all the chaos around them. I don't know how other people manage to keep everything perfect all the time. I can't get it perfect, much less keep it that way. I doubt I'll have much opportunity to work on it this week but maybe next weekend.

 

I'm very happy to have the shelves in here. I believe them to be the key to my office being more organized. I so hope that is true. If not, I need a plan B, and I have no clue what that is.

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Life By To-Do List

I start and end every day with a to-do list. Unfortunately, it rarely gets shorter. It just gets messier until I have to rewrite it, getting rid of the crossed out items and giving the ones I've jotted down in the margins their own line.

If something has been on a few to-do lists without getting done I put it on the "long term" list - a separate list that contains things I think are good ideas but that I just can't get to right now.

I'm always amazed at people who don't keep lists. How do they ever remember what they need to do? Are you one of those people? If so, please tell me what the secret is.

Senator Keith Ellison of Minnesota Speaks Truth

Senator Keith Ellison of Minnesota has become one of my favorite representatives this morning after seeing him on CNN with John King. He was talking about health care reform and he's the first person I've seen, on either side of the issue, who just spoke the truth. Not the politically appropriate truth, just the truth. Hallelujah. Finally, someone who will just speak the truth.

I won't try to summarize all he said, but I encourage you to find it online and watch it. It's a brief interview and Senator Ellison speaks truth.

The truth is that insurance companies have a monopoly in many places, particularly in large cities and small states. For example, in Vermont, about 98% of people are insured by Blue Cross. What possible motivation would they have to price themselves competitively? It's ridiculous to believe they would.

We need options so insurance companies have to compete. What that looks like is up for debate, but we need options and the "free" market has not offered that. The free market has organized itself into discrete monopolies.

Two things Sen. Ellison mentioned, that I'm paraphrasing, that I liked were:
Government is good. I got here on a government funded road. I went to a university supported by the government.
Why must liberals always cave? Everyone needs to compromise some so we get to a workable solution.

I know nothing about Sen. Ellison, but as of a few minutes ago I am dubbing him an "up and comer" to be watched. If he can survive in the political climate actually speaking truth, he could do some wonderful things.
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Where Everybody Knows Your Name

When I go to my favorite burger spot here - Skaets - I always order a moon burger. It's really a bacon-cheeseburger, but they starting calling it the moon burger in 1969 and it has stuck. As with most things, there's a certain way I like it prepared and they're so good to me.

Lisa, who's section we always try to sit in, told me she just wrote "Patsy" on the ticket if it was the normal crew, because they all know I want it extra well done, with no red left in the meat, grilled onions, extra pickles, and extra crispy fries. The other night I took a photo of the ticket to share..

There's something comforting in being a regular. Cheers made a whole TV series off the concept. While that was fictional, the idea is a solid one we can all relate to. Of course, smart people in any service industry make it a point to learn about their customers. It's part human nature and part business.

There's a reason we're attracted to the idea of being known. We want to feel connected and going into a restaurant where people know what you want gives that sense. Are we really connected? Probably not in a deep, meaningful way. We're connected on this one thread and by and large that exists in a vacuum.

But it gives us that feeling of "everybody knows your name" and it's warm and comfortable. Who doesn't want more of that in your life?
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Of Football and Taxes

The big news in our little burg tonight is that the local high school football team won their first game 55-27 against their big rival that beat them last year. The local team has won five straight state championships and is hoping for a sixth this year.

You might wonder if I have suddenly begun following high school sports. No, rest assured, that is not the case. I do think it's cool they've won five years in a row, and I appreciate the difficulty of that, and I love it that many people came to town today for the game and some of them will stay all night, buy gas, eat in our restaurants, etc., but that is about all the energy I can muster for it

Frankly, I didn't even know they were on a winning streak with the state championships until they were three years in. I'm not a big sports fan, what can I say?

But, tonight they played in the newly redone Gowan's stadium, which reminded me that I played a role in tonight's game because I supported that. Recently we had the opportunity to vote to upgrade the stadium. I'd never been in it in all the years I've lived here. I haven't been in it since, although I saw some TV footage of the before and after and it looked impressive.

But, when I was in the voting booth, I voted "yes" on spending tax money to upgrade it. Yes, that's right, I willingly voted to raise my taxes in order to have money for something that I don't use. And I did it without hesitation. You might ask why a person would do such a thing.

Well, because I saw it as a valuable thing for the community as a whole and because I want people who love sports to be able to indulge their passions, just as I want to indulge mine at the arts center or the library or whatever - not that those are mutually exclusive, I'm just using them as examples. Just because I don't use something personally doesn't mean it's not a valuable resource. I don't drive on every road or read every book in the library, but those are things I support too - happily so.

This is what living in a "community" is all about to me - we pool our resources so everyone can have what they want/need. Obviously, building a football stadium is out of the financial reach of most people - even if every game is a sell out and everyone contributes a few bucks,  it's not going to build a stadium, or even upgrade one.

But, when everyone in a community chips in we can have a beautiful stadium and a well-stocked library and good roads and the water park and public golf courses. I use two of those five things. I support the others happily and willingly. I want everyone to have access to the things that thrill them. That's not football for me, although I did turn on the radio at one point to see how it was going and was happy to hear the local team was doing well.

Recently our city council had to consider ways to cut the budget 10%. I just wanted them to raise my taxes whatever amount was necessary to keep things going, and maintain the services we had. One of the things we lost was someone who taught people to play golf. I don't play golf. I don't want to learn to play golf. I don't even want to watch people play golf. But, I want people who do want to learn to be able to do so at a price they can afford.

The time spent by the city in preparing budgets and redoing things and going over them, and by organizations and agencies doing the same trying to prevent being cut, and by the community members and board members that were summoned to speak on behalf of one viewpoint or another, cost way more in lost productivity than the money we "saved."

I'm not saying we shouldn't ever question things. I firmly believe in questioning authority and everything else. My number two rule for living is "question everything." But at some point, when it's this sort of an increase, someone needs to exercise some common sense and do the most expedient thing, which was to raise taxes to address the short fall. We could have all paid an extra 27 cents and saved the weeks and weeks of fighting. I would have gladly paid the 27 cents for everyone on my block just to avoid ever hearing the phrase, "on the chopping block."

I'm not sure when we began to see all taxes as evil, instead of as a way to fund things we all benefit from. I'm not directly benefiting from the few dollars I have spent on the football stadium, but indirectly it is affecting me because it's having an impact on the community in which I live. Part of living in a community is pooling our resources so we can have the benefit of many people working together to achieve something.

It's kinda like a football team, really.
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Making an Impact

I'm in a really introspective mood lately. Actually, I've been this way for quite some time now, and it doesn't show any signs of stopping. It doesn't seem a bad thing, really, but I can't say I've come to any earth-shattering conclusions about - well - anything. It's all an internal churning of thoughts.

I've lost interest in the "business of the world," for lack of a better term. The flu, the latest kidnap story, Michael Jackson's funeral - I just can't muster any interest in any of them - not that I would have ever said I had a lot.

Much of this is due, I believe, to the fact that I feel I cannot, in any way, affect these things. I barely give a passing glance to politics these days. Yes, I want a health care plan that is available regardless of your employer or pre-existing conditions or whatever. But can I affect that beyond the most basic of ways? I don't think so. I can vote. I can be vocal. But beyond that there's not much I can do. And, frankly, I can't be bothered to waste my time on things I can't impact.

So, the logical question would be, what can I impact? I suppose that is the million dollar question. And maybe that's what I'm trying to figure out with these mental gymnastics.

I can impact the people in my immediate world. I can be pleasant to people I'm crossing paths with, wherever I am. I can offer a little help here and there. Does it impact someone when I donate to kiva? Yes. But would it not happen if I weren't doing it? No. It would be happening anyway because someone else would be doing it. So, what can I really impact?

Looking at my history is one way to find some answers. What have I really had an impact on in life? What is different because I interacted with it in some way? Those are heady questions and worthy of some examination.
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Writing

I had a lovely note this afternoon from my friend, Martha. She directed me to this article by Scott Ginsberg, otherwise known as the "Hello My Name is Scott" guy.

Martha mentioned that she thought the fact that I was a prolific writer influenced how I think about the world. It's always interesting to see yourself through other people's eyes. I have never thought of myself as a "prolific" writer. However, the logic in me (sparse though it may be!) understands why someone who writes every day would be considered "prolific."

I'm flattered by his references to saying, "I've written about that..." because I find myself saying that often. Matthew remarked once when I was so excited to find a note pad in a hotel room that I couldn't think without writing. To some degree he was correct about that.

Whenever I have something I need to think through I get out the pen and paper. If I have something that needs some creative thought I reach for paper. It is integral to the way I think. I'm fond of the "clustering" technique and use it regularly. As a matter of fact, I was using it today - perhaps as Martha was writing her note to me. Of course, anyone who has read here for any amount of time knows I often think "aloud" on the blog.

Martha's note today has caused me to consider how writing impacts my world view. I guess I've never thought of it as an option. Since I could write, it has been the way I experience the world around me. It's interesting how these things develop.

Obviously, there's much more to think about on this topic.
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Summer Passing Into Fall

It feels very fall-like here and I'm not ready. Of course, I whine about the heat when it's hot. But I feel like the summer has just evaporated while I was busy with other things. As my friend, Kyle, said the other day on facebook, "August, I hardly knew ye." I could say the same about June and July, not to mention April and May. Here we are with only hours left in August and it's just a blur.



With fall knocking I feel I haven't had a chance to enjoy the flowers and the tomatoes and the eggplant and the herbs. And soon they'll be gone, as mornings bring frost instead of the only part of the day that's cool enough to be outside and enjoy. Already the mornings are heavy with dew. I haven't had time to smell the roses, or pick the roses. Where or where do I find an extra 5-6 hours a day?



I think part of the reason summer seems to have gone so quickly is that we haven't had those hot, hot days this year. While I don't love those days, they do mark the summer like nothing else. This has been a very mild summer, which makes me fear January.

There are so many decisions I need to make that I've been putting off. So many things are piled up I'm immobilized and I'm just going to have to suck it up and get about things, one at a time. That's the only way things get done.

The passing seasons always remind me that life is short. This year has reminded me of that in numerous ways. I think it wise to heed that message.
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Pettiness

I have always had difficulty dealing with people's pettiness. Now, of course, we're all this way occasionally because something that's important to one person isn't to another.

What is most curious about this is why it affects me so much. I've always heard that the things that bug you most in other people are the things you dislike about yourself. So, I've been mulling this over today - just turning it over in the back of my mind - how petty am I about various things? If I were brave enough I'd ask friends, but so far I haven't zapped that email off into the ether.

Today I was on the sidelines of an exchange where one person was being very petty, or so it seemed to me. I watched the other person skillfully manage the situation by not getting upset or dragged into the mire.

There are lessons here to be learned. Not the least of which is that I need to be cautious of my own reactions to things. The irony is not lost on me of how petty it is that I'm upset by other people's pettiness. Life is strange, isn't it?
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