Sunday, September 11, 2005


It's Sunday night and I'm tired. The weekend had some fun in it, but I get weary when I'm around people constantly, and I have been most of the weekend. I'm 4/6 respectively on the introvert/extrovert scale and I need quiet time.

But, we had a good time at the show last night and it was fun to run around. I just need more quiet than other people do, I think. Maybe that comes from growing up as an only child. Maybe if you have siblings around all the time you're used to more noise and commotion. I need quiet to think and relax and restore. I stayed up very late last night to have some quiet time.

I think I'm also just worn out from all the emotion of the past couple of weeks - not that I have been doing anything difficult compared to what evacuees are going through, but listening to people who don't "get it" has just worn me out.

Today, of course, is the four year anniversary of 9-11. It seems that was a world ago and I guess in many ways it was. I lead a very different life now than I did then.

At the time I was working at the radio station and learned about it when I went in that morning. We watched TV for awhile and then the manager sent everyone who didn't have to be there home. He was always wonderful about that.

I went home and thought that I'd take advantage of the day to do some things around the house, but could not tear myself away from the television. I kept trying to, but I'd find myself curled back up on the couch crying, everytime I'd try to get away from it.

It hit me in an odd way - it was four months to the day after my mom's death and I was just getting through the really tough grief part. It was still very fresh and very raw. Very raw. And knowing how grief was, and that all those people were going to experience it en masse, it just seemed like the whole world was going to crumble under the weight of all that grief.

I have felt the same way about the hurricane victims, even though my own grief is more "managed" now. But, there's something about grief that is magnified when many people are suffering at the same time, for the same reason.

I have not watched any television today. The first year it felt like a "celebration" to me more than a commemoration and I haven't wanted to participate in that since then. I'm sure the TV is filled with salutes of various sorts, but I don't want to invite any more sadness into my life. It's not that I don't remember what happened, but I don't want to "celebrate" it in any way.

I'm going to try to get back to a more "normal" sense of posting here, but frankly every time I try to write much these days it just comes off trite if I'm talking about daily life.

But, of course, that's what this blog is about - daily life - so I will get back to that. That does not mean there will not be political posts - those will definitely continue - because I think that is the only way we can make changes.

I looked at the stats last night to see if I had driven away all my readers because of the political stuff, and readership has actually increased.

But, I will also be trying to offer more "normal" things mixed in. I still have not blogged my Puerto Rico or Route 66 trips. Life has just been a really fast merry go round lately and time at the computer has been scarce to do time intensive things like photos. One of these days soon...

But, that's not tonight. I have promised editors that freelance writing will be in their inboxes when them come in Monday morning so I must get about making that happen.

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