Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Plastic Surgery for... every body part

A friend of mine is planning to have some plastic surgery soon. It will not be her first time to have a "procedure." I support her decision to do this, but for the life of me I cannot imagine doing it. She will need four weeks to recover from this "minor" surgery, because it is on her face. I'm sorry, anything that requires you to be at home for a month afterwards is NOT minor.

Oddly enough, I flipped over to VH1 tonight after Craig Ferguson's show and they're doing a show about plastic surgery. Parents are giving their children plastic surgery as high school graduation presents. Are you nuts? There's a great way to instill self esteem in your child. Yes, honey, you're right - you are hideous - here's a check so you can go let someone slice you open and rearrange your boobs, nose, tummy, ears and various other parts in hopes that someone will eventually look twice at you. It seems like it wasn't so many years ago that parents would have been horrified to hear their child needed to undergo surgery and now they're encouraging it?

People are having toes shortened, breasts enlarged and labia minora reduced. Yes, that's right - between your legs. I guess we've moved far beyond nose jobs. This ain't your grandma's plastic surgery anymore. Well, maybe it is, but you probably don't want to know about it if it is.

I didn't even know there was such a surgery. I didn't know there was a problem that would make people want a surgery. Not that thousands have seen it, and maybe they were all as out of the loop as I am, but no one has ever mentioned having a problem with the anatomy between my legs. Who stops in the midst of such a moment and says, "oh, gosh, ummm, I just can't... it's too... well... I just can't." Of course, no one ever mentioned that my toes are too long either. Women say they want a Playboy look between their legs. People, Playboy isn't real. News flash - there is this thing called "PhotoShop."

And your toes? What can possibly be wrong with your toes? They're TOES for heaven's sake. Women do this so they can wear stylish shoes. What? People, buy different shoes. It doesn't involve pain, blood transfusions, or chopping off body parts.

I'm starting to feel like I'm living in the dark ages that at age 44 I haven't had any plastic surgery done. By this age I should have at least a half dozen procedures under my belt. Lets see, if I had started at 17 when I graduated high school... Oh gosh, I'd be much further along than a half dozen by now. I'm way behind.

Of course there are things I'd like to look different on me. But I cannot imagine the pain or the cost of the surgery it would take, much less the risk. Has everyone forgotten that surgery is a big deal? Not something one seeks generally?

I know if you plan to have children with someone, you better see a school photo of them to see what genetics you're really getting. On second thought, you better look at a baby photo since children sometimes have their first plastic surgery at a young age to pin back their ears. At least with that I can understand the reason for it. But your toes? Your labia? This must be for people who have run out of other body parts to alter.

I've been asked a couple of times if I've had lip injections. No. Hell, no. What person in their right mind lets someone stick a needle in their LIPS? I just happen to have full lips - although not the fish lips people get with injections. Injection - what an ugly word.

Sometimes I feel very out of touch with the world, and this is one of those times.

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