Monday, July 24, 2006

Going Through the Motions

I have been working around the house all day today. I haven't been any further than the yard, and other than a quick phone call to Sondra and a quick hello with the neighbor, haven't talked to anyone. I have been focused. I could really use one more weekend day to get some things done, but it's time for the work week.

I've been thinking a lot today. It seems I have just been going through the motions in my life the last couple of months. I can't seem to accomplish much in my private life. Work I do because it has to be done, but my personal projects seem to languish. I just can't seem to get a handle on things.

I've been mulling over why this is. I think my brother's illness has hit me harder than I realized. He's doing very well so far, but of course, the fact that there's nothing I can do and the uncertainty of it all is difficult. Of course, uncertainty is always part of all our lives.

I feel like I've been spinning my wheels for a while, and not accomplishing anything. I don't like this feeling. I'm just not sure what to do about it, but I think I need some different. My life has become very mundane - very same - and I must change it. Otherwise I will become a drone, which is what it seems our society wants to make us all into. But I'm not a good drone.

I need a constant supply of newness in my world. I need to do things that frighten me a little bit. I need to do things I'm uncertain about. How else can you grow as a human? How else can you develop new skills? If we just do the same things over and over, having the same experiences, what is the point?

Maybe I need a trip to somewhere I've never been...

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