Saturday, March 17, 2007

I'm really feeling the need for some serious "newness" in my life these days. It seems my life is turning into a series of days that are more alike than not. Of course, I find joy in the daily bits of life, too, but I am a person who needs some continual "newness."

My usual way to get that is to travel. When you're in a place with which you're not familiar you're instantly getting newness. I think it's also a case of you being more open to new things when you're in that environment.

Unfortunately, I seem to find it difficult to get that feeling of newness in the US anymore. I keep trying, but every town seems to be the same - Starbucks on one corner, Walgreens on the other, Walmart on the edge of town, not too far from Target, Applebees nearby. Pop by the Office Max/Depot and stop by McDonald's. It's as if there's a formula for how towns are supposed to look and everyone is falling into line. I long for something different, something distinct, something unique.

The one thing I can get that sense about in the US is nature. I just got the information about the artist's retreat I went on last year and I desperately want to do that again - spend a week in a cabin in the woods. It was an amazing experience for me - not exactly life-changing - but pretty darned close to it. It's in mid-May this year, which is about the same time it was last year. I loved that experience, even though I didn't have running water, which still amuses my family that I could manage. I have a reputation - I think somewhat undeserved - of being "prissy." (Maybe I shouldn't post this when you can scroll down a few posts and see a photo of my painted toes and a toe ring.)

It's the weekend and part of me just wants to take off tomorrow and do something different, but I'm not even sure that that would be. And another part of me knows I should work on my house. I'm so ready for my house to be DONE. I'm getting close but I just run out of energy to stay focused on it.

I've been boxing up cookbooks and it has been fun to be reminded of some of them. I have three boxes full and another stack pulled ready to be boxed up. Once I go through them this first time I'm going to take those to the university and get them out of the house. I think that will inspire me to work on the books more. Now that they'll all be out on the shelves in the library, I'll be able to get an instant sense of wether or not I'm using them. So, when I go through them again it will be easier to pull things again. It has been so long since I've seen some of these books that they seem new again. I have to live with them a bit to see if they belong with me awhile longer or not.

I'm also feeling the need for some more friends in my life. Teresa and Greg are about the only people I know who will do things spur of the moment. I love that about both of them, but when they're both gone - as they were a few days ago - I can feel that lack in my life.

Numerous friendships in my life seem to be requiring a tremendous amount of effort from me to keep them going lately. I'm tired of it so I'm quitting. I need to put that energy into finding new friends instead of trying to maintain these friendships that are obviously waning, for whatever reason. Nothing has changed on my end, but when people don't return your phone calls, or answer emails, or try to get together for lunch or something else for months, they are telling you that they are no longer interested in a friendship. To not listen is foolish. It's a complete waste of time to continue to put energy into those relationships, so I need to move on. It's always sad, but one must keep a dose of reality, even in emotional matters.

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