Sunday, March 30, 2008

Pity Party Freak Out

I had to work an all day event yesterday for the MHA. I was really tired by the end of the day, but I made it OK. We had made plans to go to the movie last night and although I had to force myself to go I figured I could leave if I started feeling worse. But, I was OK. I was very tired last night but was sure the new drugs were working great.

Today, again, I'm back in bed. I'm just exhausted. I've felt worse the last 10 days than I have the whole time except when I first got sick in Kentucky. It seems I'm getting a little better, then worse again.

Lying here thinking, I'm starting to really, really, really freak out that I've been sick enough long enough that my doctor is looking at things like lung cancer and emphysema as reasons. I have never smoked a single cigarette in my life - never even tried it - so it would seem unlikely. But, of course, when you can't breathe well there's generally some reason. And after more than two months of care it pays to check for other causes. Thank goodness he didn't find anything serious, and I'm glad he's a doctor who will say "I might be missing something... lets do an xray to be sure." But, nonetheless, I'm freaked that I've been sick so long such things are a concern.

It has been less than four  months since my cousin died from what seemed to be nothing more than a cold/infection. I'm mindful that one has to take such things seriously.I've been very serious about it but it's still with me. Other than a couple of friends, no one has seemed too concerned about me - other than me - but I know how unusual it is for me to be in bed during the day. It's practically unheard of. The last time I was sick enough to be in bed for more than a day was 5 1/2 years ago - that was 2 1/2 days.As Leah said yesterday, "you're never sick." This has been almost two weeks. I'm starting to freak out a bit. I'm eager to be well.

As I was getting ready to post this Greg's mom called to check on me. Isn't that nice?!?!?

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