Being a Girly Girl Is Too Much Work

Every once in awhile I decide I want to be a girly girl. I grow out my fingernails, I start wearing makeup every day, and thinking about clothes. This never lasts very long. Why? I guess because I've always had a strong streak of tom-boy in me and even in my 4th decade it's still there. And, because it's kind of boring. Actually, it's really boring. And it takes a whole great big gob of time out of the day. Time that is spent doing something boring, that could be spent on something interesting.

It's probably a key that the photo of my fingernails is on a keyboard instead of a vanity table. I'm a bit of a geek, what can I say? I guess that's not very girly either.

I'm not sure if my tom-boy-ishness is a product of having grown up with mostly boys around or if it's inherent. Regardless, I've always been very comfortable with being able to be girly - some have even used the p word, prissy - and still knowing how to shoot a gun. Not that I have need of the skill of shooting a gun very often, but I know how.

As sometimes happen by accident, I realize my fingernails are to the point where if I put the slightest bit of effort into them I could have real nails. This time that accident happily occurred at a time when nails are a nice addition. Saturday afternoon at 2 I'm doing a cooking demonstration on tea sandwiches at Apron Strings, our new cooking store. Sunday I'm going to tea in Arlington. So, good time to have nails.

However, I can assure you that by Sunday evening they will be gone. Why? They're in the way. I can't type as well, or play the piano as well, with them. I type very well, but my piano playing needs all the help it can get. I probably couldn't shoot a gun as well with them either, but I can't say that for sure since it has been many years since I've shot a gun - well, a real gun, anyway. I was quite an expert at Lazer Tag back in the day, and feel certain I could excel at paint ball, too, if the need arose.

The other thing about it is that nails take effort. There's all this maintenance involved. Things to make them strong (Nail Magic if you want your nails to grow - it makes them like rocks), polishes (surely you know me well enough to know I'm not paying someone in a salon $40 to make me fake nails and then paint them - I grow my own and have a bottle of white polish - the trick is to go from side to side), and then more stuff to keep all that stuff on (European Secret Never Chip will protect your polish for a very long time). In case you make a mistake there's smudge fixer, which I suspect is little more than watered down polish remover. There are base coats and cuticle things and file things and well, I don't even know what all the things are.

Then, of course, you can't take the polish off your toes without messing up your fingers. yadda yadda yadda I'm cutting them soon. And, speaking of toes, what is this new French manicure for toes about? I find long toenails rather creepy, myself. Frankly, I think it's all about demonstrating you don't have toe fungus - the same sort of fungus people get under fake fingernails sometimes. Think about it - no one was doing that to their toes until the commercials about toe fungus hit the scene. Accident? I think not.

I can't believe the amount of effort people put into this sort of thing. But, then, I'm a woman who can shower, dress, put on some lipstick, and be out the door in 20 minutes. I have never understood the three hour long getting ready to go somewhere extravaganza. What are you doing in there? Honestly, that's not a rhetorical question, I really want to know. I can't think of that many things to do to myself. Of course, in fairness to the women who spend that time and always look perfect, no one has ever accused me of being a fashion plate, or looking perfect. Maybe that's what takes all that time. I just don't have it in me. 

My former boyfriend, Nathan, commented once that when we were getting ready to go somewhere I'd pop up, get a shower and come back in fully dressed while he was still sitting there staring at his sock, thinking about putting it on. That was a bit of an exaggeration, but I am usually the first one ready. But, if one is going to have things like fingernails, you have to allot some extra time every week for it. They're a kind of handicap you have to work around. OK,  if you're Dolly Parton you can play guitar with those things but the rest of us mere mortals cannot do that.. And if you want to do other things with your hands like paint, clean things, garden, wash dishes... live... without gloves on... you'll need to allot additional time to redo your nails every day or two. No can do - way too boring. Gotta live life. Without rubber gloves as a continual fashion accessory.

Well, thankfully, I hope the nails are now dry enough I can go to sleep and not wake up with imprints of the sheet fabric in them. So, time for me to go to bed. It is almost 4 a.m. Time to sleep. Like I need another reason to not sleep.