Scenes of Kingman Kansas and More of the Day

I have had a very, very, very full day. I sent the newsletter to the printer last night only to wake up this morning to discover it hadn't worked as I'd hoped. So, by 10:30 this morning I had that done again, and was ready for lunch. For the second time this week I decided some Roy's was in order. Teresa and I went on Tuesday. I called her this morning and said I was going to get Roy's again. She decided to join me. Teresa and I have had lunch every day this week. That may be a record for us.

And, the Roy's was great. I even snapped a photo of the brisket because the smoke ring on it was just beautiful today. If you're not into barbecue that probably means nothing to you. But, if you're into it, this probably makes your mouth water. You don't get that out of a bottle. Kansas magazine was coming later today to do a piece about them, and the News just did a feature on them, too. Anyway, Teresa and I enjoyed our Roy's.

Yesterday wasn't technically a lunch for the two of us. It was the diversity luncheon and we were both there. It was a really good gathering. Theda was there and that's always fun. Also Cleta, Dorothy, Trish and Lovella. Unfortunately, I'm going to break our lunch streak this week because I've got volunteers tomorrow so I won't get to have lunch.

After lunch today I went to my office and worked on it more. Tomorrow is my recycling day and I wanted to make use of it by getting some things out of the office. I brought a couple of old computer boxes home the last couple of days. The oddest thing - I went ahead and put one of them out yesterday and someone took it. Why do people take my trash? It freaks me out. I put another one out this morning and by noon someone had taken it. Why do people want my empty computer boxes and other trash? Why? What is so enticing about my trash? Tonight I've got a big stack of things out there. I broke down the boxes so they would be less appealing to people. These boxes were bent and crunched and not really useful. And, of course, they had other recycling stuff in them, which I fear may have just ended up in the trash somewhere. Anyway, I'm hoping the recycling guys get to them before some passerby steals my trash. Why do I care? I don't know. It just freaks me out for people to take my trash.

This afternoon was the Horizon's board meeting in Kingman. I really didn't want to go, but I talked myself into it. It was a beautiful day and I thought the drive would do my mood some good. We didn't have a quorum at the meeting, which is very rare, but that meant we were out while it was still sunshiny, which was nice. I drove through downtown Kingman to check out the buildings. The afternoon sun was doing wonderful things for some of the buildings, including the museum.



and the courthouse...



I also couldn't resist this sign...



I occasionally hear from someone who's enthralled with getting to see bits of small town Kansas. I can understand that - particularly if you've never seen the rural midwest. It has a beauty of its own, like any place, I suppose. Most of the communities around here were formed in the 1880s or a bit later, and the buildings reflect that. There are neat details to be found if you look for them, like the fan design in the panels on the building where that sign is painted.



I headed back to the office, but remembered that tonight was a fundraiser that I would have gone to if I'd not had the meeting out of town. Anyway, I detoured to the art center to get a glimpse of the goodies. It was nice. I chatted with Debbie, Leah, Rosalie, Cyndi and Jennifer, although it was just briefly.



They had about 30 four by six pieces of art donated that they auctioned off. I didn't even have time to get a card, much less bid, but it was nice to see everything hanging. They were closing bidding just a few minutes after I arrived. Leah was managing the cash - she's good at that.



I hope it was successful for them. It's hard to come up with new fundraisers and not step on the toes of anyone else in town.

I worked at the office until about 9 and came home to a nice bubble bath. I really need to take good care of myself these days. I'm not depressed, but I'm not normal either, and I need to nudge myself back toward normalcy. It's almost midnight now and I have a really busy day tomorrow so I do need to get some sleep. But I think I'll make a cup of tea and spend a little while journaling before bed. There's something magic about putting pen to paper.

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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

Beauty of Monet

This is called impasto. It's an Italian word that refers to part of a painting that has a build up of paint. I don't recall where I first learned the term, but no doubt from some of the art books I've read. I developed a real interest in art when I was in college - really even earlier than that but I just didn't know what to do with it until later. I eventually learned that when one is interested in something the easiest thing to do is start reading about it and learning. I often start with a children's book to "get my feet wet" when I know nothing about a topic.

It wasn't until I had done some reading that I even knew what kind of art I was interested in, much less who any of the artists were.



When I was in college at the University of Kentucky the Armand Hammer collection traveled there. It was a major art exhibition and I went. It was the first time I was exposed to Impressionists on a large scale. My exposure to art had been very, very limited. Art was not an interest of anyone I knew growing up. It wasn't something that was available to me. It was not something that anyone thought about. Literally, it just wasn't on the radar screen. That's not a slam against my family or the place where I grew up. It just wasn't part of my world.

All of life is a trade off and I had some amazing experiences growing up that people who spent their weekends in museums missed out on. So, there you go. But, being who I am, I want to have it all.



For many years now, I have sought art in every venue possible. I'm certainly no expert, but I can hold my own in a basic art discussion, particularly about the impressionists. I've traveled to some of the places they painted, including Monet's home in Giverny, and I've read and studied their personalities, thought processes and techniques. I don't study their techniques to try and duplicate them - I don't have that talent or interest. I study them because I want to understand the work.



However, all of that does nothing to prepare me for the experience of getting lost in a painting. It's as if every molecule of my body becomes devoted to only experiencing what is in front of me. Nothing holds this power over me like a Monet painting, particularly his later works. The Orangerie in Paris, where his final eight panels reside, is an all day visit for me, as is the Musee Marmottan, which has some of his unfinished works on display. Most friends don't want to go to a museum with me. Not only will they be bored and ready to leave hours before I will, but I will be completely non-communicative. I'm there to "commune with the art," not visit. I have given "the Patsy tour" of various museums to friends - and that's fun - but that's a different kind of experience.



I know many art experts look down on those of us who love impressionists. That's fine. I still love them. In particular I love Monet. I know he wasn't the most pleasant personality, at least from what I read, but when I'm looking at his brush strokes, and examining up close every square inch of the canvas his brush has touched, and the amazing beauty it has wrought, I don't care. I don't care if the art snobs think I'm a neophyte. I don't care if people who don't like art think I'm a snob. I don't care about anything except losing myself, my ego, my entire being while I immerse myself into that beauty. It's as if I'm melting into it, experiencing it on multiple levels at the same time. It's truly an other-worldly experience for me.



This would be related to why I absolutely despise bus tour groups that disgorge a huge number of tourists who have no real interest in being there, but are just there because it's stop number four of the day, and rush in, talking loudly, and generally ruining the experience for the rest of us.



And you don't even want to get me started on school groups. I want children to experience art, but could we have at least one day or morning or afternoon or sometime when we could experience museums without dozens of loud children? Or could we just have children who come to museums without screaming? That would be another option. It's amazing the difference between a school group in an art museum in France and one in the US. Kindergarten aged kids in France sit on the floor in a semi circle in front of a painting and listen patiently to their instructor explain it. There's no running, no screaming, no jostling.



This painting, Flowering Arches, is the one Monet in the Phoenix Art Museum. Generally I head straight for the Impressionists in any museum - depending on what the collection is like I may want to spend all available time there. This was painted in Giverny in 1903, so it's one of his later works. It has all the hallmarks of the things I love about Monet.




The Phoenix Museum allows photographs of some paintings, and I was thrilled this was one of them. Of course flash wasn't allowed, but Greg took these for me and I just cropped in on bits and pieces of the close ups he did. This is generally how I most love Monet paintings - in these closeup bits that show the layers, the colors, the impasto, the brush strokes, the passion of the artist. It truly feeds my soul and is a beauty unlike any other I know.

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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

Gnarls Barkley Banned Video

I heard about the Gnarls Barkley video that was banned because of some strobing effects that can cause epileptic seizures. Naturally, I had to go seek it out. Although I don't have epilepsy, some of those black and white backgrounds moving around were causing me to have to look away. However, it's worth looking at just because Justin Timberlake is funny in it. Besides, how can you not like something that involves a guy named Danger Mouse, and his buddy Cee-lo?

Typing Speed

84 words

Speedtest

I'm often teased about typing. Comments generally cluster around the "is that keyboard smoking" variety. I contend I really don't type all that fast - it's more about how the keyboard sounds. And, of course, the corrections I automatically make sound exactly like things that don't need to be corrected.

Tonight I decided I'd just do an online typing test to see how fast I type. As I suspected, it's not spectacular. Apparently I type 84 words a minute, although I don't think this test deducted for errors. So, lop off a few points for that perhaps.

This is about double what it was when I took typing in high school. But, ergonomic computer keyboards allow much better typing speed than old manual, and even electric, typewriters. I'm also guessing that years of typing every day, sometimes for many hours a day, haven't hurt my typing speed at all either.

I write every single day - from articles to work to email to blogging to dozens of other things. I'm thinking that all helps my typing speed too.

I'm not sure what a "fast" typing speed is, but I'm guessing 84 words a minute isn't it.

Beauty

I am so eager for spring. I'm ready for the beauty of flowers blooming, and being able to bring a little bit of that indoors. I remembered this photo I took last June - I love this picture - and decided to post it again on this 27 degree night.

This photo is certainly not technically perfect and I could have turned the doily around so the little spot where the lace has a hole in it wasn't visible, but I just love the softness of the whole thing. It was taken on my desk in the downstairs sunporch, where I regularly sit to journal.

I haven't noticed any of my little plants popping up yet, but surely some of them are. Maybe tomorrow if the wind isn't blowing like it was today I'll be able to look. There's something encouraging about seeing the flowers start to grow - knowing that winter must be coming to an end.

It won't be too long before it will be time to plant the little garden out back. I've been thinking about what to plant. In addition to the herbs and tomatoes I always plant, I want to put in eggplant again. I loved having those last year. And I want to grow some squash this year. I want to be eating squash blossoms. I'm not sure what else I'll put in - it will probably boil down to what I can find in the stores.

I certainly like having things picked fresh from the garden. I start to get hungry for "real food" as winter wears on. Of course, we can buy things from the grocery, but that's not really "fresh." I start to really want something that was picked five minutes earlier. I'm guessing before we lived in this global village where we get strawberries in January that those fresh foods were all the more anticipated.

Can you imagine what it would be like to have no fresh foods for all the months of winter? Of course, people canned things and had some foods in storage, but I'm guessing those first radishes were really welcome.

I think like many people, I'm ready for spring... more importantly, I'm tired of winter.
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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

Computer Catching Up

I've been doing a lot of computer catch up today. In the midst of doing that I've had opportunity to be surfing to one place or another that popped up in emails. One of the sites I've spent a few minutes with tonight is http://www.on-my-desk.blogspot.com/, where artists share their studios.

It's always interesting to see how people arrange their workspaces - be it an artist's studio or someone's desk at work. My studio space is always messy if I'm working in it. The only time it's nice and tidy is when I'm not really doing anything in there, which, of course, defeats the purpose of having a studio.

As I was looking at that site tonight I was thinking about how cool it is that I can see studios from around the world sitting in my little home office in Hutchinson, Kansas. The internet is such a part of my daily life that it's mindboggling to think it was really only in 1995 that I first surfed the net. It would be some years after that that I had a computer at home and regular access.

The thought of being on that slow computer on that slow dial up doesn't sound very appealing now, but at the time it was quite wonderful. Computers have dramatically changed our daily lives. I spend many hours a day working on the computer now - hours that people obviously used to spend doing other things.
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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

One of my favorite websites is Post Secret. I was lucky enough to get to meet Frank, the owner, a couple of years ago in DC.

Although I won't be able to attend, Frank will be in Lawrence at KU Wednesday night from 7-11 p.m. I know it will be worth a visit. You can see the facebook invite page for details.

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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

Removing Ourselves from Real Experience

I was thinking today about how we lead lives that are geared toward experiences that are removed. For example, instead of cooking for ourselves, we watch other people cook on the Food Network.

Now, I love the Food Network as much as the next person - maybe more than some. But isn't there something odd about the fact that most of the people who watch it never cook? Not nessarily cook something they saw on the Food Network, but they just don't cook. But they like to watch other people cook.

I would wager the same is true of quilting shows, crafting shows and a host of other things.

Consider that we no longer get on bicycles and ride somewhere we need to go, or even to a park for enjoyment. Instead we go to climate controlled gyms and ride stationery bikes while watching scenery on TV. Isn't there something basic wrong with that scenario? We don't want to have the actual experience of riding a bike outdoors, we experience it in a removed fashion.

We play video games about exploring worlds, instead of just going outside our houses and actually exploring our neighborhoods. We chat with strangers online instead of going to the diner down the street and having a real conversation with a real live person. Somehow we want to remove ourselves from the actual experience.

I'm not sure what is at work, as I sit here along, blogging about these questions, instead of talking to someone about them. But, in my defense, everyone I know in real life has long ago gotten bored with my continual questions, which are always plentiful. Obviously, I should find more friends - new people who haven't yet been bored with the questions. I could even recycle some from long ago.

People are Open on the Open Road

I've been thinking a lot lately about how some people are open and some are more closed. What prompted this were the number of times on the open road that I've had impromptu conversations with people. However, I'm not sure that it's that people are open or if the situation is open.

What is it about the open road that encourages that? It's not that you're all travelling because you're often talking to a local. Is it that I'm more open? Is it that I have a question I wouldn't have at home and that opens it up? Why is it that we can have this interaction with people on the road that we don't have at home?

It's something I'm pondering these days. I know I love being on the open road and that's one of the reasons.

Travel

I was thinking this weekend as I was driving on the open road that there are a couple of things about travel that really attract me. And maybe these are part of the reason some people are travellers and some are not.

1. There's something about travel that gives me a feeling of invincibility.Not in the sense that nothing bad could ever possibly happen, but more that so much cool, wonderful, exciting stuff is going on that anything bad seems a remote possibility. Of course, I guess for that to really work you have to have a desire for the newness you experience during travel.

"Seek" is my number on rule for living. "Seek. New people, new places, new thoughts." So, naturally, travel is a great way to accomplish that.

2. The other thing about travel, which is related to number one, is that it makes me feel incredibly grateful. Grateful to be alive. Grateful to have the opportunity I'm having - even if that's eating at Classen Grill, less than four hours from hom. Nonetheless, I'm grateful.

And I think being grateful is essential to having a happy live. Science would back me up on that as well. Being grateful, having a social network, and forgiveness are the three greatest predictors of having a sense of happiness.

I'm blessed to be a very happy person. Part of the reason for that is that I seek things that make me happy - like travel.

The open road also gives you plenty of opportunity to think, which is where one comes up with things like this. OK, well, my brain works on lots of tracks at all times and so I come up with this stuff all the time, but... in general... it's in overdrive when I'm on the road. And that pun was not intended and that means it's time for me to stop.

Obesity

I'm not a militant fat person - you know, those people who think everything in their life that goes wrong is because they're fat and everyone hates fat people. Surveys tend to bear out that being fat is something our society really looks down on. However, I guess I haven't had that experience myself - that I know of, anyway. So, I'm not a militant fat person.

But, that said, there are a few things people assume about fat people that really tick me off.

1. Fat people have no energy and are lazy.
I don't think anyone who knows me would consider me lazy. And I have more energy than almost anyone else I know. So, while some people may not have energy, that is not a given. I go, go, go most of the time.

2. Fat people are horribly unhealthy.
People are individuals and actuaries don't know everything. My cholesterol is 103, with a very low amount of "bad" cholesterol.. I just took my blood pressure and it is114/70, with a pulse a 46. My sugar is normal. That's probably more heridity than anything else, although I do eat lots of fruits, vegetables and nuts and very little meat compared to the national average.

3. Losing weight is very straightforward - fewer calories, more movement - and it's just a matter of willpower
It may be easy for some people, but it's not for others of us. We all "get" the equation - less calories and more movement - but for some of us there is something that keeps us from being able to put that into practice. If I knew what it was, I'd share it with everyone, but I don't know. I know I'm driven to eat in ways that other people are not.

I know some people can't put down alcohol or drugs or their credit cards or gambling or bad relationships or whatever. I'm not sure why people can't see that food is an addiction for others of us. But, unlike alcohol or drugs, we can't simply avoid it.

Hunger is the only autonomic system we expect people to have conscious control over. Why is that? In a purely objective sense, doesn't that seem a little weird? It's like expecting people to control consciously how many times a minute they blink. When I try to diet, that's what it feels like, by the way - that I must be constantly thinking about food - what I can eat, what I cannot eat, when I can eat, etc. etc. etc. It feels much like the effort that would be required to control the blinks of your eye. I know that may seem preposterous to those of you with "normal" relationships to food, but that is seriously how it feels. Can you understand why that is exhausting? And just too much to actually accomplish?

4. Diets
Diets fail 97% of the time. If any other medical procedure failed this much we would never offer it as a solution. Can you imagine deciding to have open heart surgery knowing there was only a 3% chance it would be successful? Would your doctor suggest setting your broken arm if there were only a 3% chance it would come out healed? Yet this same doctor will suggest diets, knowing they're doomed to fail.

It's as if fat people are not worthy of anything resembling a real treatment. Oh, lots of lip service is paid to obesity, but it's all talk. There has never been a single, effective treatment offered for obesity. Ever. Not one.

Why is that? Obviously, we can create human beings in petri dishes, it would seem we could treat obesity.

I truly don't know the answer to that question, other than it's something people view as not necessary for treatment - after all, it's simple - more movement, less calories - if people aren't going to do that then they're not going to bother taking a pill. Ah, but of course, this is where they're all wrong. It seems like there would be some major money in it for drug companies, but so far no one has bothered to put serious effort into it.

5. Fat people are a drain on the health care system.
This is simply false. In reality, "healthy" people are the most costly for the health care system over a lifetime.

Following is a story from the Associated Press:

Fat people cheaper to treat, study says

By MARIA CHENG, AP Medical WriterWed Feb 6, 6:25 PM ET

Preventing obesity and smoking can save lives, but it doesn't save money, researchers reported Monday. It costs more to care for healthy people who live years longer, according to a Dutch study that counters the common perception that preventing obesity would save governments millions of dollars.

"It was a small surprise," said Pieter van Baal, an economist at the Netherlands' National Institute for Public Health and the Environment, who led the study. "But it also makes sense. If you live longer, then you cost the health system more."

In a paper published online Monday in the Public Library of Science Medicine journal, Dutch researchers found that the health costs of thin and healthy people in adulthood are more expensive than those of either fat people or smokers.

Van Baal and colleagues created a model to simulate lifetime health costs for three groups of 1,000 people: the "healthy-living" group (thin and non-smoking), obese people, and smokers. The model relied on "cost of illness" data and disease prevalence in the Netherlands in 2003.

The researchers found that from age 20 to 56, obese people racked up the most expensive health costs. But because both the smokers and the obese people died sooner than the healthy group, it cost less to treat them in the long run.

On average, healthy people lived 84 years. Smokers lived about 77 years, and obese people lived about 80 years. Smokers and obese people tended to have more heart disease than the healthy people.

Cancer incidence, except for lung cancer, was the same in all three groups. Obese people had the most diabetes, and healthy people had the most strokes. Ultimately, the thin and healthy group cost the most, about $417,000, from age 20 on.

The cost of care for obese people was $371,000, and for smokers, about $326,000.

The results counter the common perception that preventing obesity will save health systems worldwide millions of dollars.

"This throws a bucket of cold water onto the idea that obesity is going to cost trillions of dollars," said Patrick Basham, a professor of health politics at Johns Hopkins University who was unconnected to the study. He said that government projections about obesity costs are frequently based on guesswork, political agendas, and changing science.

"If we're going to worry about the future of obesity, we should stop worrying about its financial impact," he said.

Obesity experts said that fighting the epidemic is about more than just saving money.

"The benefits of obesity prevention may not be seen immediately in terms of cost savings in tomorrow's budget, but there are long-term gains," said Neville Rigby, spokesman for the International Association for the Study of Obesity. "These are often immeasurable when it comes to people living longer and healthier lives."

Van Baal described the paper as "a book-keeping exercise," and said that governments should recognize that successful smoking and obesity prevention programs mean that people will have a higher chance of dying of something more expensive later in life.

"Lung cancer is a cheap disease to treat because people don't survive very long," van Baal said. "But if they are old enough to get Alzheimer's one day, they may survive longer and cost more."

The study, paid for by the Dutch Ministry of Health, Welfare and Sports, did not take into account other potential costs of obesity and smoking, such as lost economic productivity or social costs.

"We are not recommending that governments stop trying to prevent obesity," van Baal said. "But they should do it for the right reasons."

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On the Net:

PLoS: http://medicine.plosjournals.org

Copyright © 2008 The Associated Press

Classen Grill in Oklahoma City

The Classen Grill in Oklahoma City is a find. An absolute find. I can't take credit for it - I read about it on roadfood. But, it's well worth a stop. I was so fortunate that I was staying at the Sleep Inn, which is right across a small street. The hotel was nice, in case you're looking for one. I didn't even move the car, but just walked over to eat.

I got there at about 8:03 a.m. - they open at 8 on Saturday - and there were people already settled in with coffee and friends and newspapers and assorted other goodies.

It's a very unassuming place - inside and out - but the food is fabulous.



This is a very literate crowd - more than a couple of people walked in carrying a fat copy of the Daily Oklahoman. Seated behind me were two attorneys, discussing judges. A few booths away were a couple of younger women making plans on the cell phone to meet another one.



I was the only non-regular there. At a table with four folks at it I heard the waitress say, "I missed you last week." The patron replied, "Yes, we were gone."

And the waiter that was taking care of me and the attorneys behind me brought a plate to the older gentleman and said, "That muffin's probably not brown enough for you." He replied, "It's not as much as usual, but it's OK. It's OK."  When the waiter knows how brown you like your muffin you know you're a regular.

I ordered migas - scrambled eggs with a mix of goodies in them. Bear in mind I don't really care for eggs without something added to entice me. I finished these. They were delicious.



I heartily recommend The Classen Grill in Oklahoma City. It's well worth the trip.

Oklahoma City

I'm in Oklahoma City tonight and looking forward to breakfast at Classen's Grill. I found it on roadfood and, oddly enough, completely by accident, I can see it from my hotel. I will literally just leave the car in the parking lot here and walk across the street.

I love to try out local places when I travel. Why would I eat at a chain that I can eat at when at home? Of course, I'll report on how it is. I'm optimistic it will be wonderful. I'll be hitting the road right after breakfast, but it's worth the delay to have a great meal first.

One of these days I'm going to get the travel website I've been thinking about for years up and going. I always take pix of hotel rooms, with the idea that one day I'll post them all. So far that hasn't happened... but it could... almost any day. Really.

My doctor believed me! Yes, it's true... my doctor listened patiently today, agreed with my diagnosis that I needed some antibiotics for an extended period of time, and gave me a prescription for three weeks of them, along with a prednisone shot. I love him. I'm confident this will kill whatever bug keeps resurfacing making me sick.

I've spent the rest of the day at the computer and accomplished a number of tasks that have been hanging over my head. That always feels good.

I'm eager to be completely well again. Soon!

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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

The Day

The Day is winding down and I'm ready. I'm worn out. Partially that's because I've been running around all day, doing things. And partially it's because my lungs are congested. Again. I know... this is an old story... I think I've been saying it over and over again for months. But tomorrow I go to see my own doctor, who I have faith will actually believe me and fix me.

I'm debating if I have the breath to walk upstairs or if I should just sleep on the couch.

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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

Beverly Morgan Welch of the African American Museum

Beverly Morgan Welch, director of the Museum of African American History in Boston, spoke at the Dillon Lecture Series this morning. She presented some fascinating information about the contributions of African Americans from the 1700s on.

Some of it was information I already knew, but much of it was new to me. I intend to profile some of the people she talked about here in the coming months. I hope you'll be as interested as I was.

The African Meeting House in Boston is one of my favorite places. I can't recommend it strongly enough. It was built in the early 1800s and is the oldest black church still standing in the country. It is one of the sites that makes up the museum.

If you've been a reader here for any amount of time you probably know of my interest in African American history. I don't view this as history for just some of us, but for all of us. And as Morgan-Welch said today, "this is American history and if this history were known we would have a different kind of America."  May I just say, "amen?"

This is an interest I've always had, but grew tremendously when I started doing family history research. Right there, on the first census record I looked at, was a line under my ancestor's household that said, "Slaves - 12." I was revolted. I was embarrassed. I was curious. I was a hundred other emotions all at one time. And, in that moment I became something I didn't want to be - a descendent of a slave owner.

My experience isn't any different than that of many people who have ancestors in the south, but in all the conversations I've had about geneaology, this is a topic that is skirted around, avoided, and discussed only in hushed terms if at all. Morgan Welch summed this up today in the most beautiful way I've ever heard. She said, "Slavery is an x-rated conversation."

She is absolutely correct, but it is something we have to come to terms with. Do you think I like knowing that my ancestors on multiple sides of the family were slave owners? No, I do not. But can I deny it? No. So what choices do I have? I have to accept it as what "was," and try to make sure it never "is" again.

I wanted to know who those "Slaves - 12" in the census records were. Obviously, they had names, spouses, children, relationships and wishes just like every other person. Finding out who they were was not easy. In fact, I still don't know all of them. I have found the names of some of them - Sarah, Pleasant, Hannah, George - listed in wills. I'm at once happy to see the names, and at the same time horrified to see them enumerated along with horses and houses and other property - given to the  heirs of the owner. Of course, I know that some of the children listed as slaves were no doubt biological children of the owner, with as much right to the land and houses as their half brothers and sisters.

I have no proof that my ancestors were using their slaves for their personal pleasure, but would there be any logic in believing that my ancestors were people who would never do such a thing? No. No logic in that. It would be folly.

One of the guiding principles for my life is that the truth can always be spoken. It can be spoken with kindness, but it can be spoken. And this is one of those cases where truth is the only thing I can imagine will ever heal a rift in this country that we're unwilling to even admit exists.

I was contacted through my family history website by someone a few months ago who believes they are descended from the slaves that my ancestors owned. She delicately broached the subject that we might be blood related. I assured her I was completely open to finding out the truth - and I would like to meet cousins of all colors - and add them to the family tree. She was shocked because she had not gotten that reaction from others she had contacted. That breaks my heart. I so want us to be past the point where we have these divisions. I want us to be open to the truth being spoken.

Of course, I don't like the truth of my own family history in many ways. I'd much rather focus on my ancestor James Hunter Terrell who freed his slaves at his death. Admittedly, I'd much rather he have not had any in the first place, but at least there's something redeeming in his story. But, that's not all of my story. My personal story includes slave owners, and all that goes with that. My ancestors, and by extention I, have benefitted from the labor of men and women who were kidnapped, enslaved and held against their will.

Words can't express how much I hate to write that, admit that, accept that. But, I can't figure out what to do except deal with the facts. And the facts are there in black and white - in census documents and wills. It's an ugly part of our history as a country, and it's an ugly part of the history of my family. But, we don't get to choose which parts of history we accept. It's a mixed bag.

But, the truth. The truth. We must know the truth. We must speak the truth. Even if it's uncomfortable, we must speak it.

Creative Sisterhood

Last night was Creative Sisterhood. It was just Teresa, Martha and me, but it was a good night. Teresa made this wonderful peach cobbler to share with us.

I read just a little bit of the novel I'm writingl to them. Teresa had heard some it, but Martha hadn't. They were both complimentary, which is encouraging. I like this book - much more than the book I wrote a few years ago. This book is one I'm loving to read, as much as write. I'm making an effort to work on it some every week, and I will finish it by the end of the year.

I'm considering going to a couple of writers workshops this year. I need to find what's available in the area. I'd love to have a local group of writers to critique with, but I don't know of any. Maybe something will pop up.

Bridges of Miller County

This weekend I'm with friends in Missouri on what's called the "Food Coma Caravan." Carl, the organizer, has managed to accomplish what doctors and psychiatrists have been unable to do for me - he has managed to make me NOT want to eat. Oh that he could bottle this...

I should explain...

Every year Carl plans a weekend of going dot to dot to cool old restaurants, staying in cool old places. This weekend it's in Missouri. Carl and his wife, Kris, and Mark are here from KC. Greg and Mia are here. And yesterday Todd and Tara, a guy Carl works with and his wife, joined us. We also have "flat Wayne" with us, which requires more explanation than I'm up to doing tonight.

Yesterday we saw these cool old bridges with boards laying across a support structure. And there was food... lots of food... great food... And a wonderful, wonderful time with friends. I needed some fun... and this has definitely been fun.

Hair Donation for Pantene Beautiful Lengths

Yikes! I did it!

Late Thursday I had more than nine inches cut off my hair to donate to Pantene Beautiful Lengths to make wigs for cancer patients. Pantene requires at least 8 inches, which is one reason I decided to donate to them. Locks of Love wants 10 inches and Wigs for Kids wants 12. The other reason I wanted to do Pantene was because they make wigs for adults as well as children.

I've been thinking about this for sometime, and finally did it. My hair feels very short to me now. I know that probably seems ridiculous, but that's how it feels.

Lacy started by brushing it all out, then banding it together and measuring before the actual cut.





I could feel the cut. It was a very weird sensation.



I was a little anxious about it, but really wanted to donate. I needed a trim of at least half that much, so decided to just bite the bullet and get it done.

Hair grows about half an inch a month, so with trims, that's more than two years worth of hair growth snipped off.



When you see those people on makeover shows crying about having their hair cut and you think, "geeeeezz louise... that is so freaking weird..." - well, I would be one of those people. I can't explain it. I know it makes no real sense. But, there it is nonetheless.

I went from this....



to this...



You may recall my crude simulation of a hair cut a couple of months ago... it's not too far off from that.

Frankly, it feels very short to me. I know that probably seems stupid, but that's how it feels to me. However, I'm very glad I did it. I now have it in a zip baggie, ready to mail to Pantene Beautiful Lengths.



Oddly enough, I'm still having separation anxiety. But, I'll get it in the mail next week and it can do someone some good. That's a wonderful feeling.

________________
Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

Plush from Whitman Tiny Tales

I have been sorting through bits and pieces of my life and ran across this little book from childhood. It's a Whitman Tiny Tales book called "Plush," #2952 in the series. I remember this book. I loved this book. I especially loved the straw hat with the ear holes.

Isn't it funny the things that strike kids? I had a pony, so it wasn't the pony itself that got my attention - it was the straw hat. And that garland of flowers. Just loved those things.



Each little book had a place to put your name in. My mom wrote 8-66 in this one, along with my name. I would have been four at the time - this would have been right before I started school in the fall - maybe at the end of my summer in Head Start. Regardless of the specifics, it's definitely a little time capsule.

I had a bunch of these little books and I can make out the faint five cent price printed on the upper right corner. I'm not sure how much money that was in 1966 when this was purchased, but this calculator indicates it's somewhere between a quarter and 55 cents, depending on what measure you use.

I know I got five cents worth of enjoyment out of it. I always loved books - even before I could read. My mother was not a reader - she didn't like it at all - but she read to me - faithfully. I guess that falls into the category of things parents do for their children.

She had a love/hate relationship with my love of books. She wanted me to love to read, but she couldn't understand how anyone could possibly love to read. Even when I was an adult, it bugged her for me to read. She just couldn't understand it. She wanted to be outside, working in the garden or mowing the lawn or just being in the sunshine. How anyone could be happy indoors with their "nose in a book" remained a mystery to her until the end of her life.



But for me that love affair with books continues to this very day. I even took a couple of minutes to reread this little gem tonight - the plot is that the farm animals go to the fair in a cart pulled by Plush. They sell some of their items - jam and lemonade and such - and buy others. They all present Plush with thank you gifts at the end of the day. And Mrs. Duck bestowed that straw hat on him. Obviously, ducks have exquisite taste!

There's something very comforting to me about having these little bits of long ago as part of today. I know some people keep nothing from childhood, and I'm sure that has its own freedoms, but for me I like this little tidbits, these little threads of continuity.

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

I hope you have a fabulous day.

If you're in love, relish in sharing the day with your love.

If you're not in love, be kind to yourself and realize you'll be in love again.

Women and Money Book from Suze Orman Free from Oprah

I caught the last couple of minutes of Oprah today and there is an offer for the audience to download Suze Orman's latest book, "Women and Money" for free. Go to http://www.oprah.com and follow the prompts.

It took me a few times but it did download. If you just start it and let it run in the background, you can come back in a few minutes and find it's done. Then just "save as" to your harddrive. I'm not going to print it - it's 278 pages - but I will read it on the computer. Anyway... you, too, can get a copy.

I think this is BRILLIANT marketing on their part. I can see many people wanting to buy a copy of the book after seeing the download.

It will be available only until the evening of Feb. 14 so don't delay.

Post Its in the Tub

Post It Notes are one of the great inventions of our time. I'm sure you know the story about how they're the result of innovative thinking - something 3M corporation encourages - but it's worth reading this account at The Rake to learn details.

Well, like many people, I have an abiding love of Post It Notes. I didn't realize they were so recent - introduced in 1980. They've always been fixtures in my office life.

Tonight I was taking a long bath - bathing is one of my hobbies - and I took a pad of post its into the tub with me. I do a lot of thinking in the tub. And tonight I wanted to think about the novel I'm working on and how to arrange the events into consecutive chapters. I've been writing it as vignettes and I want to combine them in a logical fashion.

So, I started jotting down each event on a post it and then trying different ways to combine them. Lo and behold, right there beside me was the perfect spot to work on - the tiled wall beside the tub.

They got a little wet when I washed my hair, but they dried and are all still hanging tight onto the wall. I want to sleep on it, so I'm just leaving them there for the moment. I guess this would fall into the category of things you can do when you live alone.

Chamber Dinner with Erik Wahl

Tonight was the annual meeting for the Hutchinson Kansas Chamber of Commerce and artist Erik Wahl was the speaker. I generally enjoy this meeting because there's an interesting speaker - last year it was Frank McGuire - and this year was particularly fun.

Wahl started his presentation by playing a video of Springsteen singing "Born in the USA." While it was playing on the screens on either side of the stage, he painted a portrait of the Boss.



It was fun to see him do it and watch it come into being. You couldn't tell what it was at first, so it was neat to see it appear.

His presentation was about how we can use creativity to increase business. I was reminded of my ramblings about the "Creative Class" book by Richard Florida. One thing he said that really struck me was, "Inventing the future is not a policy or a procedure."

As you know if you're a long time reader here, I despise policies, rules and procedures. I think of them as ways those to crush innovation whereever it might rear its ugly head.

He is saying what we keep hearing - that we must think creatively to come up with new solutions and innovation. Unfortunately, as he pointed out, we spend about 90% of our time using our logical brain. We're taught to come up with "the" answer, not "an" answer. He said we are capable of so much more than we are conditioned to believe.



He pointed out that people diagnosed with dyslexia are four times more likely to become millionaires. He speculates the reason is that because their brains don't work in a linear fashion, they're able to come up with different ideas because they think in different ways. I find that fascinating.

He suggested studying how kids think about the world - they're unbound. He asked the group initially who could draw and no one offered. He said when he goes to a middle school maybe 10% of kids will say they can but when he goes to a grade school all the kids say they can draw.

He said, "The Art of Vision is the science of slowing down." We all run around talking about how busy we are - it's almost a competition about who's busiest. But, he says it's hard to engage our creative brain if there's never any time for it.

Near the end of his speech he played a video of "God Bless the USA" and drew another picture. This time it was on the side of the room where I was sitting so I had a much better view.









The last view in the video is of the Statue of Liberty, and when he turned the painting right side up, that's what he had painted as well. It was very interesting.

My real take-away was a message he gives his three sons. "Stop trying to be perfect. Start trying to be remarkable."

Isn't that a fabulous message? I think it is.



He stayed around and chatted with people (that's him on the right). I was impressed there was no paint on his white shirt since I never seem to paint anything without also adorning myself.



All in all, an interesting evening.

Fun on the Horizon

I am putting myself on a schedule for fun. I've not been having enough new experiences lately - enough pleasant surprises - enough newness coming into my life. So, I'm putting myself on a schedule to do something creative, interesting, new, different, etc. every day. And, once a week I'm taking at least an hour to devote to a "filling the well" activity a la Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way." I feel depleted and I need to fix that. Immediately.

The past 18 months have been difficult for my family. I do not regret a single moment I spent travelling to and from Kentucky to see Jim and the rest of the family. In some ways it seems like I'm a horrible person to be thinking about fun when losing my brother is so recent. However, my mother's words still ring in my ears - "Life is for the living." And that's exactly what it is about. Each year I make it a point to honor my mother on the anniversary of her death by doing something I love, because she taught me to do the things that make me happy.

I have no doubt that Jim, if he were here, would strongly encourage me having fun. Obviously, any event you undertake after losing a loved one is tinged with sadness, but we must move forward. Well, I must, anyway. Otherwise I sink into depression and it's hard to dig out of that hole once you're in it. Best to skirt the edge of it and avoid going there if at all possible. And it is possible for me. I need to schedule myself - keep on a pace of accomplishing things and I need to inject happiness into my life. So, that's what I do.

Today I've been working on packing away Christmas stuff. I've got 95% of it stored away. I'll try to finish tomorrow night after work. I've made a whole bunch of trips up and down the basement steps, as well as a few trips out to the shed to take the tree out. Now I have a lot of cleaning up to do - a whole lot. I never washed all the cloth I used in our window display downtown and I need to do all that. There are also lots of icicles and broken bits of ornaments to sweep up and get rid of. And, there are all the daily things I've just not felt like doing - from dealing with the piles of mail to cleaning the kitchen.

I've not been off my property today - not out of the house other than to go to the shed. Greg popped in to grab something but other than that I've not even talked to anyone today. I'm just not in a very social mood - I know that's just part of the sadness at losing Jim. But, I'm going to have to snap out of it. Otherwise, this will turn into an ugly downward spiral.

I'm not a big complainer. As a result, people often think I am much more "together" than I really am. It's like Jeanette Walls said last year - I'm a pragmatist - there's not much point in complaining or being angry or getting overly dramatic - you just get on with life because you have no other choice.

The fact that I don't complain much means people also take me for granted a lot. Just because I do things without complaint doesn't mean they're no big deal or easy. I work for a living just like everyone else. In fact, at times I'm working far more than 40 hours a week. But, because I make time to invite people over, write notes, paint in the studio, travel, or whatever it may be, people brush it off as if it's obviously very easy for me.

It's no easier for me to have people over than it is for anyone else. It takes me just as much time to pick up the house, bake a cake, wash the dishes I'm going to serve out of, make tea, or whatever I'm doing. I'm not living in an alternate universe where that doesn't take time and energy. But because I never complain about it, people take it for granted. It's nice to be appreciated, which also happens.

Those things are also part of what makes a social experience out of our society - something we know people need. So, it seems incumbent on all of us to do our part in this regard. I feel like I'm doing my fair share. But this year I'm going to be more judicious in what I offer to host. I sometimes host events because I know people would miss them if they didn't exist and no one else is stepping up to do it. So, I do them - and I enjoy them - but it takes time and energy I could be devoting to something else.

Admittedly, I am blessed to have a job that goes in cycles - sometimes I'm very busy and sometimes I'm not so frantic. However, there are stresses to my job that - because I don't complain about - people never consider.

I want to find more time for wonder in daily life. I need to marvel at newness. I need to feel a thrill of discovery. I need to devote myself to appreciating the magic of daily living. Some experts say we have about 60,000 thoughts a day. Unfortunately, about 95% of them are the same ones we had yesterday.

I need new thoughts. One of the ways I have those is with travel and other new experiences. Other ways are reading, talking to thoughtful people, and spending time in meditation.

Two years ago at this time I was in Florida at a conference hearing some interesting speakers, so that was new information. And it was a pretty place to be.



Last year at this time I was on a trip to Texas, and had spent the day at an art exhibit that featured Candy Darling, among other things.



I've been spending some time in the studio lately, which also makes me feel better. And I've been writing quite a bit - on a novel, and in my journals. Last night I made it a point to go pull a book off the shelves that is one of those "I've always meant to read..." ones lying around, and read a few pages of that before bed. That's a great thing about books - you can get new thoughts into your brain, direct out of someone else's brain.

Speaking of reading... I ran across this poem, "When Death Comes," by Mary Oliver that seems appropriate in regard to these thoughts.

When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened or full of argument.
I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.
----Mary Oliver

The Christmas Tree is Down

Thanks to Cleta, in six hours today, we went from:


to



Ornaments go pretty fast...



But then there are the lights... oh the lights... the lights that make it all pretty and sparkly... the lights that grow into a massive tangled wad.



When we got to the lower levels and Cleta could really see the layer of lights on the tree I think she was shocked...



But she was a trooper. She bagged almost all of the lights.



Look closely and you'll see Cleta's tennis shoes on the right side for size comparison. The pile was about knee high. Each strand gets its own little bag.

I am so incredibly relieved to have it down. Of course, it's not packed away and stashed. But, it's down. And it only took six hours to get it done. I am so incredibly thankful for Cleta's help!

Cherryl Floyd Miller

Every once in awhile, I discover a pleasant surprise online. That happened recently when I ran across the blog of Cherryl Floyd Miller.

She had linked to one of my posts and I am flattered that a writer as talented as her has read anything I've written. I mean, the woman has been on Oprah in a segment with Maya Angelou. Have I ever mentioned my love of Maya Angelou? It's substantial. Seeing her in person was one of the highlights of my life.

It's interesting that when you see your writing out of context you're sometimes struck anew by it. What a lovely experience.

I'm so thankful to Ms. Miller for this lovely perk in the day.