Much Needs To Be Continued... from Jim and Fred at Prairie Oak Farms

Life has a way of moving on ahead, regardless of our motivation in the matter. New souls come into the world and others leave it. If we're lucky as we take life's journey, and I've been incredibly fortunate, we cross paths with people who add to our lives. Some are brilliant, some ask us questions that remain with us, some leave us with a longing, and some show us how to create a life we couldn't imagine before we met them. There are teachers and students.

Many years ago I met Jim and Fred, of Prairie Oak Farms, in Edwards County, Kansas. I had heard about them before I met them. It seemed everyone but me already knew this wonderful couple. Because of my work at the time I found myself at their farm one warm afternoon. I loved them instantly. It wasn't the greenhouse filled with orchids, the birds in elaborate cages, or the French cupboards in their dining room, but the warmth of these men that attracted me.

My friend and I no doubt overstayed our welcome that day, and promised to return. But, alas, that didn't happen. And I must take responsibility for that lack. I saw them again at various times, but never made it back to the farm where their souls were evident in everything they touched. Thousands of others made the trek, but we never did, although it was mentioned regularly.

Over the years we exchanged Christmas cards, and this letter I ran across recently was in response to one in 2002. On these pages, two friends are mentioned - Marci Penner and Martha Slater. Jim writes that if I didn't know them, no doubt I knew their names. I did know them, but know them better now.

There is a belief in some faiths that we are born into "soul circles" and that in each lifetime we interact with the same souls in different ways, until we complete whatever business we have together. It lends credence to the idea of "small world" instances. It seems I may have missed my opportunity with Jim and Fred through negligence on my part. There never seems to be a "good time" to do something like drive a few hours to visit a farm on a, "dirt road in the middle of a corn field," as Jim writes here.

These two and a half pages cover life and death. He offers condolences on my Mother's passing. He mentions he and Fred have been together for 25 years. Like most of our daily existence, it contains all the extremes. It's only with the benefit of time that we see them there - obvious now, but not so easy to spot then.

Jim and Fred are both gone, now. And it is a loss to everyone who knew them - even those like me who didn't know them as well as we would have liked. I'm thankful to have these pieces of paper, with Jim's beautiful handwriting, knowing that in early December of 2002 he took time to think of me, and share himself with me in this way. Nothing will ever replace the handwritten word to me. It brings a piece of the soul onto the page. I keep every letter because it seems nearly sinful to do anything but cherish something given so generously.

He signs off with "Love, Fred and Jim," and then adds a sentence that seems prophetic in retrospect. "Much needs to be continued - right?!"

Right.

Timing

When I left for work this morning, the tree in my front yard had green buds. I returned 10 hours later to find a tree in bloom.



Everything is about timing, it seems. I heard someone say tonight that most love affairs end badly, often because of bad timing. That is, indeed, very true. The same can be said about affairs other than those of the heart.

The timing being off can lead us to leave people, jobs and towns. We "bide our time" and bemoan "bad timing."

But then, just as we think there's no hope, something beautiful happens, and we get a fresh start.



It truly is all in the timing.

Between Two Worlds

Saturday afternoon I was taking photos of my sale finds, including some of the items from the recipe box. The old, tattered recipe was just too wonderful to not photograph. At one point I noticed my cell phone was sitting just out of frame. It struck me as being indicative of the feeling I have often of being stuck between worlds.

This was just a visual representation of the dualities present in my daily life. I sometimes say I'm a study in contrasts, and that's certainly true. Somehow it all works. Mostly.

Billy Dean Performs in Hutchinson at The W

Saturday night Greg and I went to see Billy Dean perform at The W in downtown Hutchinson. I went into the concert liking him, and left a major fan.



The W is a small venue that brings in a variety of performers, including major artists like Billy Dean. Something I'm starting to catch on to is that artists who perform in these environments are really, really talented. They don't need a whole crew of people to make them sound good.



Billy Dean walked onto the stage and kept us spell-bound for the next couple of hours. Frankly, I don't know how long he performed, but it was a while. However, I could have listened to him for a few more hours.



It's amazing to think one man, with one guitar and one microphone, could entertain us so well for so long. And I got the feeling if it had gone on all weekend I would have still wanted more.

He mentioned at one point that musicians work hard on lyrics and playing and singing and then it gets lost in a big venue so he liked being in this sort of place. I realized there are lots of artists who could not manage a small venue because they don't have the talent to hold the attention of a crowd without all the trappings that come with a big stage show.

Afterwards he signed autographs, posed for photos and was just generally incredibly charming. It was an really fun night.

Vintage Linens and an Old Recipe Box

There was a "Monster Garage Sale" today. I picked up some treasures. Best find of the day was this old recipe card file. It was marked $5, but she came down a bit on it. That was the most expensive thing I bought.

I am constantly attracted to vintage linens and today was a bonanza.

My grand total for the day was $15.50. It was definitely a success.

Too Gentle

I first read the James Kavanaugh poem, "There are men too gentle to live among wolves," in college. It's actually a whole book of poetry, but it was this piece I first learned about. It wasn't in a class, but just in my meandering reading.

It struck me instantly. I knew, even then, that there were men - and women - too gentle for the world. I understood the undertones present, but knew it could be taken at face value and be very meaningful too.

I have been one of the too gentle people at times, and I have been the torturer of them at times. I'm not proud of either.

Why is it that those of us with tender hearts can be so vicious in an effort to not be the most tender-hearted present? Do we think we'll toughen ourselves that way? Or are we just as cruel as those who prey upon us?

So many questions to ponder. But, for tonight, I'm too tired and too overwhelmed, so it will have to wait for another time. Perhaps that's why we never figure it out, because we excuse ourselves from devoting  the necessary effort to it - afraid of what we might discover about ourselves.

This poem has popped into my head a few times lately for various reasons. And as I'm want to do, I thought I'd share it with you since it's on my mind.

There are men too gentle to live among wolves
by James Kavanaugh


There are men too gentle to live among wolves
Who prey upon them with IBM eyes
And sell their hearts and guts for martinis at noon.
There are men too gentle for a savage world
Who dream instead of snow and children and Halloween
And wonder if the leaves will change their color soon.

There are men too gentle to live among wolves
Who anoint them for burial with greedy claws
And murder them for a merchant's profit and gain.
There are men too gentle for a corporate world
Who dream instead of candied apples and ferris wheels
And pause to hear the distant whistle of a train.

There are men too gentle to live among wolves
Who devour them with eager appetite and search
For other men to prey upon and suck their childhood dry.
There are men too gentle for an accountant's world
Who dream instead of Easter eggs and fragrant grass
And search for beauty in the mystery of the sky.

There are men too gentle to live among wolves
Who toss them like a lost and wounded dove.
Such gentle men are lonely in a merchant's world,
Unless they have a gentle one to love.

Pink Hippo - I love him

I picked up this little jewel a few years ago. For one dollar. Yes, that's right - $1. It's okay, I understand your jealousy - it's only natural.

I love him.

I mean I really, really, really love him.

He has been sitting on top of my piano, just looking adorable, for quite awhile. The other day I was moved him to where he's more visible.

Why do I love him?

What do you mean?

How can you not?

He's pink. He has glittery bits. He has rhinestones.

What, I ask, is not to love?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I realize people think I'm a little nuts in my penchant for pink and glittery things. I do not dispute this is odd, but it just is. I have some pink vases I like, too, some of which also have glittery parts.

I even have a pink lamp with gold glittery wheat in the basement that hasn't ever made an appearance in my house. It needs to be rewired. I think it will be a very nice addition. I paid 99 cents for it at a thrift store in Wichita. Matthew was with me at the time. He was somewhat puzzled by my attraction to it, declaring it "distinctive," but not as confused as my then-boyfriend who was horrified when I asked him to rewire it. He didn't. It still needs to be done. But I digress.

It would seem I have developed an attraction to pink, glittery things. I do not try to explain these things. I just accept then.

And back to the topic at hand, who wouldn't love a pink hippo? Even without the rhinestones and sparkly, glittery bits. But this little guy has it all. Brilliant!

Sorting

For the past few weeks I've been thinking about a website redesign. I've tried to figure out the categories of things I need to include. What I've discovered is that I have a whole bunch of things going on.

There's the:
cooking, cookbooks, cookbook reviews, food speeches
Art
Writing - blog, my books, freelance articles, etc.
Social media consulting work - presentations, individual clients, planning
Marketing - working with people to help them figure out how to accomplish their goals
Book promotion - including marketing, social media and things like making trailers
Speeches - I love to give presentations
Novel - I want to finish my novel
website maintenance - I do a little of this on the side, too.

I don't know how to sort all these things out yet.

All of them take time and energy. I'm very focused on things I can do to bring in extra money to pay off medical bills. And I love many of the things that do that.

But there are other things - like finishing the novel that is so close to being done - that I don't spend the time on because no one is going to pay me for that right away. But I really want to work on that. I'm trying to weigh the restorative pleasure of doing that versus the cost of not getting other things done in that time.

I'm going on retreat soon and I think one of the questions I need to try and answer for myself is to set some priorities of what I can do and what I simply can't do, even if I want to.

At the same time, I'm trying to find some balance. I realized at the end of last year that I was just totally exhausted. So, I have some fun things scheduled, but my fear is that I'll just have to work even harder to pay for them and defeat the purpose. But I'm going to try, because I have to do something different and that's one thing I can experiment with.

All of this, in addition to my fulltime job, is a lot to manage. It's hard for me to even sort it out and I'm doing it all. I'm not even sure how that's possible, but it's happening. Hopefully it will become clear.

Albert Einstein Quotes

Today is Albert Einstein's birthday. I thought it would be appropriate to share some of my favorite Einstein quotes.

There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.

Imagination is more important than knowledge.

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.

The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.

Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.

I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.

Nothing will end war unless the people themselves refuse to go to war.

I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.

The distinction between the past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.

Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind.

Never do anything against conscience even if the state demands it.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

The Weekend

My first daffodils have bloomed, and I picked one yesterday to bring in and put on the shelf above the kitchen sink. It's just as well because snow is falling now, and the remaining couple that have bloomed may not be doing so well.

I've had a full weekend, but with some fun mixed in. Saturday I decided to make my rounds of Roy's and the Et Cetera Shop. Roy's was delicious, as always. The Et Cetera shop was doing their twice yearly clearing out and were offering a basket of goodies for $1. I picked up some linens and a set of cool, small snack trays, as well as a velvet clutch purse I thought would be good for jewelry display at art shows - all for $1.

Otherwise, I spent the day working on projects. I've been sorting through tax stuff and trying to make myself get started on that. I really need to talk to an accountant who deals with "intellectual" tax issues, as opposed to "building widgets" tax issues. But, I've asked a couple of accountants how to handle things like freelance writing and they look at me blankly and say they have no idea. So, I do the best I can with it myself. I'm probably costing myself money because I declare every penny of income and take very little in the way of deductions. But, it's probably all a wash I suppose. I've got everything gathered up I think. I just need to get busy actually doing the taxes.

Today I've been wrestling with a way to record skype calls for podcasts. I've read about a few tools, but none of them seem to work for me. Maybe I'll see it with fresh eyes tomorrow night and spot the little thing that's wrong.

This afternoon Jocelyn and I went to see the "Home on the Range" performance at the Fox. It was an official 150th Anniversary of Statehood event and featured the Diamond W Wranglers, as well as others performing music. Martha's company did the video - it was an amazing experience. I was so glad I got to go. It was a wonderful part of the afternoon.

Then it was back home to my various projects. I've spent quite a bit of time this weekend planning for my upcoming retreat, including making various lists. Fortunately, I had everything on hand for the salad I started to want as I started a grocery list for the retreat weekend.



Of course, all weekend the scenes from Japan have kept coming on the television. It's startling to see the damage from the tsunami that came after the earthquake. Incredible.

I was watching a psychologist talk the other night about how people are drawn to watch disasters unfold because we are trying to learn - in case we ever find ourselves in a similar situation. It makes sense, of course. It would be a skill that would have favored those who learned and therefore survived long enough to reproduce. It would make sense that it's part of our makeup since we would be the descendants of those who paid attention.

After I heard that I saw a story of a girl who saved people during an earlier tsunami because she recognized the signs of it - water that was only coming in and not going back out, and frothy. I realized later that I had unconsciously made note of that. The chance I would ever be where a tsunami would be likely is slim, since I'm not really a beach person, but apparently my brain thought that worthy information of hanging onto - at least for the moment.

We humans never cease to amaze.

Question of the Day

Question of the Day:

What is it that you really want to do with this life you have?
How do you want the world to be different because you lived?

Feeling Alive When Close to Death

I was watching a story tonight about the psychology of watching the damage of the tsunami. The speaker was saying we learn from watching these things so if we find ourselves in this kind of danger that we know what to do. It makes sense. It's how our ancestors survived various things long enough to produce those who produced us.

We humans are interesting creatures. When we see destruction and death, it makes us feel more alive by comparison. We feel fortunate. We can suddenly count our blessings that might have escaped us just moments earlier.

In the coming days I'm sure we'll hear some of those amazing stories of survival. Hard to imagine being in that situation.

Retreat Planning

I've been spending some time lately thinking about retreat. For the last few years I've tried to take some time away from my normal life - sometimes alone and sometimes with friends.

In a few weeks some friends and I will be taking a weekend to examine our lives, and consider what we want them to be like in the next few months.

This is always an enlightening process, although not always an easy one. This year I'm planning the retreat with some different activities. I hope everyone finds it inspiring.

Quote of the Day

Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day;
begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mardi Gras

Saturday night I was invited to a Mardi Gras party. Instructions were to come in a costume. I couldn't think of a more appropriate one than a voodoo priestess. So, I gathered the things for this costume.

I'm not sure if I should be proud or embarrassed that I had to buy nothing for it. I had everything except the skull. But, Greg had it.

I won the costume contest, which was fun.

I made the voodoo doll to go with it. Again, just from things I had around the house. But I like her. I decided burlap is way overdone. I wanted my voodoo doll to be a bit more fashionable.





This is Patti, our hostess, and her daughter. I took divinity and it was a photo prop as well as a dessert



Trish was a gnome.



The Reverse Vending Machine was a hit.

Greg took photos of a lot of people, and I took a few, but we didn't get everyone.



I did get this one of Greg and Nancy was spectacular with her flamingos.



In the spirit of Mardi Gras, Creative Sisterhood was tonight so I decided to make King Cake for us to enjoy.



I hadn't made it in many years, but it was tasty!

Happy Fat Tuesday!

My Druthers

I would spend much more time at this spot, writing, if I had my druthers (isn't that a wonderful word?). But, I have a mortgage instead. Thankfully, I also have a job that pays the mortgage.

Oh, but my druthers... my druthers are so much more pleasant to think about.

There are so many things I want to write and plan and paint and do. Just not enough hours in the day for them all. And I'm making use of all of my hours as best I can. I barely stop all day long, and well into the night. I'm wasting as few of them sleeping as possible. I'm using them all. But there still aren't enough.

Who do I talk to about having more hours per day? Who's in charge?

Flea Market Finds

The flea market today was really small - not very many dealers. But, I found some bargains. The find of the day was these old photos, which will find their way into artwork. There are no subjects that are extraordinary, but it doesn't really matter. It's the design of the photos and the sizes and edges as much as the subject. I was really thrilled to get those.

I was also happy to pick up the cookbook. Don't know that I'll make anything from it, but I love looking through them.

My grand total today was $2.50 - plus the $1 to get in the door. But, overall, a successful day.

Daniel Menaker and "A Good Talk; The Story and Skill of Conversation"

Funny how things find their way into your life sometimes. In the car today, leaving a social media presentation I gave, I happened to hear a little bit of "The Splendid Table," a show I sometimes listen to by podcast. But it just happened to be on the radio, and the bit that was playing was an interview I was very interested in.

Daniel Menaker, author of, "A Good Talk; The Story and Skill of Conversation," was talking with the host. I must read this book. It is a topic I'm very interested in and I could tell from the short interview it will be a book I'll want to take a highlighter to.

In addition to giving me a new book to read, it spawned an idea. I think I'd like to offer some author interviews here. I'm always fascinated to hear about an author's writing process, and I'm a really good interviewer. I'm not sure authors will be willing to talk with me, but I guess I will see. I need to figure out some technical things, but once I do, perhaps Mr. Menaker will be one of the first I ask.

Talking about the Hutchinson Social Media Club on the KWBW Morning Show

Earlier this week I was invited onto a local morning show to talk about the Social Media Club's (HutchSMC) Roundtable Discussion Monday night. This is a free presentation at 5:30 - everyone is welcome. The panelists will be talking about how to get involved with social media and how people are using it in their businesses and lives.

The HutchSMC has been going since late June last year. It was something I wanted to exist. I kept trying to get other people to start it, but couldn't convince anyone. So, finally I decided I was going to have to be involved in getting it off the ground.

So, I invited a few folks and I feel so fortunate that some people were willing to come together to make it happen and keep it going.. We've been gathering about once a month to meet face to face and about once a quarter doing some sort of community event. We did a training last July, then Third Thursday Twitter in the fall, and on Monday we'll be doing a Roundtable Discussion.

This is free to the public, so I hope we have a good turnout. Andrea Springer, Jordan Walker and Lori Mulch will be the panel - so we'll have someone who works with non-profits, a corporation and the Kansas State Fair - should be a great mix.

Thanks to KWBW's John Brennan for the invitation. If you can, join us Monday, March 7, at 5:30 p.m. at the library. It's free and I'm sure it's going to be interesting!

You can hear the interview at:
KWBW's website.

What Story Does a Desk Tell

When I was leaving the office the other day I stopped to pick up something I had forgotten. Looking at my desk from that vantage point made me stop and take a photo. I always think you can tell something about people by their desks.

You can probably tell we have a Snoopy exhibit at the moment... or that I love that Beagle. You might also discern I'm a germ freak - especially if I hadn't cropped out the Clorox wipes on the left side of the photo. You might also realize I love color. I recycle whatever paper I can, and that includes those brightly colored flyers for one thing or another.

All you might see is a mess, but there's a system to my messiness - at least for me. I'm not sure anyone else could see it, but I have a system. Of sorts.

Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to post a photo of my desk at home. But not tonight. I'd need to clean it up a bit before doing that. Maybe one day. Maybe.

Dr. Seuss

Today is the birthday of Dr. Seuss. In the spirit of that, it seemed only appropriate to share a quote from this literary genius.

He has many I love, but here's one to mull over for this occasion.

“Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the things you can think up if only you try!” - Dr. Seuss

Kansas Poet Laureate Caryn Mirriam-Goldberg reads in Hutchinson, Kansas

Kansas Poet Laureate Caryn Mirriam-Goldberg read from her work at the Hutchinson Art Center tonight. It was sponsored by the Hutchinson Reno County Arts and Humanities Council and Hutchinson Community College.

She has written four books of poetry, and much of her work focuses on how writing generates community. This is a fascinating concept to me. I do think the arts of all kinds help form community, and give an identity to it.

Much of what she read was from her most recent book, "Landed." She said it was 16 years in the making. She said, "You have to wait until the poem arrives."

As I often do when I see poets, I'm struck by certain turns of phrase. I do not have a sufficient grasp of the language to write poetry, but I love to hear it read by the people who wrote it. It's so easy - there's no decision necessary on my part - the writer gives me the intonation the way they intended. It's an effortless way to experience it.

These were some of the notes I made tonight. Obviously, there's much more to each poem, and these are just little snippets.

"Where for a moment, all that wants to be said is heard."
"Why can't the heart stop asking?"
"When the wait is long and the news is bad."
"Shards of nightmare."
"I don't have language enough to explain how I arrived here."
"Wind tells the sea in you, the old stars in you too, welcome home."
"Will you be true to me? Do I know how to be true to you?"
"Music made of air and pulse."
"I'm just a container for time like a river. Tell, me, what's not to love?"
"In the end there's only kindness."
"In this kindness there are always stories."
"Only kindness matters in the circle of love he made in this world."
"Get up from that curb where you wait for the parade of acceptance."
"Find or make another home."
"Don't push choices before their time."

Technology

I love technology. But sometimes it's less than effective.

I use Google Voice to transcribe my voice mail messages and email them to me. I tried it years ago when it was first introduced and stopped because the transcription wasn't that good. A few weeks ago I decided to give it another go.

Today I received this message from Greg:
I do gimme call a couple of minutes. Bless you and get the blackboard parking spot, but park with spot that You just tried. Anyway bye bye.

Fortunately it also give you an opportunity to just play the message. The message, roughly, was, "Hey, give me a call in the next couple of minutes. I'm going to have to depart for Wichita shortly."

This was his second call to me - the first one still hasn't arrived thirty minutes after the second one was placed.

I was taking out the trash and missed my opportunity for a Wichita trip. Oh well, I guess it wasn't meant to be. At least Google Voice provided a good laugh.

It's A Funny Thing About Money

Couples fight more about money than any other topic. Sex is a close second, but money wins that dubious honor.

In the last year and a half in addition to my full time job I've been working at every thing I can think of to make extra money to pay off my medical bills. I've rented out my voice and my brain. I've sold artwork and writing. I've taught people about social networking and given speeches about food traditions. Fortunately, I like doing all these things.

But at the same time I've had to do something I don't like so much - I've had to say "no" to many, many things. I've said "no" to trips, concerts, weekends away, dinners out, lectures, books, and dozens of other things.

The obvious reason was that those things would cost money. The less obvious was that they took time. And I have spent almost all of my waking hours doing something that could generate extra income. However, through this journey I've never given up things like lunches with friends. I contend that may be the only thing that saved my sanity.

By the end of last year I realized I was exhausted and worn to a frazzle, so I decided to try to find more balance. It's still a struggle for me because it's hard to convince myself to spend time doing anything that doesn't make money when I still have bills to pay.

But, that's not the funny thing about money, which is what the title of this post promises. The funny thing about money is that people just do not want to accept that you need to spend your time making it, or that you need to deny yourself fun to save it.

We live in an atmosphere of "pull yourself up by your bootstraps," but when you are trying to do that very thing financially, people do not want to hear, "I can't afford that." They are taken aback. They are uncomfortable. They quickly find someone else to do whatever the thing is that they initially wanted to do with you. At some point you have to accept that people did not want to spend time with you - they wanted to do this thing - and when you can't do the thing, you can't spend time with them either.

So, it's a funny thing about money. We all need it. We all know we make it. But we all want to pretend it's a process that we somehow don't have to sully ourselves with. Our paychecks are deposited without us ever seeing them. Our tax forms arrive with no input from us. We pay for things with a plastic card so we never have to actually touch money.

Making a Book Trailer for As Grandma Says

My friend, Judith Robl, just had her book, "As Grandma Says," released by Harvest House Publishers. It includes more than 40 stories from her grandmother, along with Judith's observations about each one, a scripture passage and a prayer.



I made this book trailer for it, and I'm very happy with how it turned out.

Making these videos for books is of my new business ventures. I really like making them, and having such beautiful artwork on this one made it even easier.

Congratulations, Judith! The book is beautiful!

Giving it a Full Two Percent

I'm occasionally asked about what I write here, and how I can possibly expose so much of my life in this way. Some feel I'm incredibly personal while I think I'm pretty circumspect. It's all perspective, of course.

If you read here regularly, you know a great deal about how I think. An acquaintance challenged me recently to put a number to how much of "me" and my daily thinking is chronicled here. I have been mulling that over for a few days now. I have decided it's about 2% of "me" that's here over the course of the lifespan of the blog.

It's not that I'm holding back, it's that I'm editing. Much of my thought processes are not something I can explain - they make sense to me but I realize they don't to other people.

In the past week I've had two occasions where someone laughed heartily at something I said that I didn't intend to be funny. It reminded me again of how out of step I am with much of the world. Because I'm reminded of those things regularly, I know I cannot begin to explain my thought processes sufficiently.

The thoughts can be somewhat like disjointed dreams until they coalesce into something more that I sometimes share here. Meanwhile, other thoughts are working away.

I also take in a large amount of information on a daily basis through reading, listening, questioning, podcasts and conversation. Without new data, thinking would be circular, so I welcome new information.


I scratch the surface of who I am here. But, truth be told, that's probably about the same as I share with people in real life, too, unless they're very close. In fact, those who read here certainly know more about who I am than many people I interact with in real life, but with whom my interaction is superficial. Those who engage in real conversation with me, and also read here, probably know a bit more about who I am, and that would be the most outside of my intimates.

It's not that there's much in the remaining parts of me that requires protection, but it requires more explanation than most people have time or interest for - understandably so. When I do have a chance to have deep conversation with people and to think outloud about something, it's great, but those opportunities are rare.

Old Soul

Periodically I'll hear someone use the phrase "old soul." I've been hearing that since I was very young, and I've never had a sufficient understanding of what it means. I've even used it myself. Maybe it's ubiquitous because we can all place our own definition on it.

Maybe it's just a convenient way to explain away things we are not yet able to comprehend. We have all known people who seem wise beyond their years, have an understanding of things unknown to us, and who see the world in ways we do not. When people are aware of things we don't see, much less understand, we ascribe this title to them.

It's almost as if we understand it when we see it, but we can't explain it. I guess there's much of life that falls into that category. I've certainly known people I consider "old souls." It's always a delight to meet one. They open my mind, and heart, in ways nothing else can.

The Day

It has been an exhausting day and I'm about to call it a night. Nothing terrible happened or anything - but it was full of many details and just wore me out.

I need to work some more before I go to bed - I haven't put in enough hours yet today - but I just can't do anymore. I'm so tired I can't think straight. Maybe I'll wake up extra early and be able to work on some projects before I go to work. 

One of the best parts of the day was lunch with my friend, Judith, whose first book was just published. I'll have much more to say about that soon. It's quite wonderful and I'm taking it up to bed with me now to enjoy it before I drift off. I'll give you all the details soon. I'm so very, very happy for her!

Questions Can Be True Gifts

"A sudden bold and unexpected question doth many times surprise a man and lay him open."
                                  --- Sir Francis Bacon

I sometimes have difficulty realizing what my true gifts are. I suppose that's a common enough problem, but as I've focused on marketing my skills the last couple of years to make additional income to pay off medical bills, it has become essential that I figure those things out.


Good friends have been a God-send, helping me identify things I could market. It was at the urging of friends I started helping people with social networking, which has developed into something very positive. Friends have also reinforced things I already knew I was good at - like writing.

One of the things friends and others repeatedly tell me I'm good at is asking questions that help them figure things out. Sometimes it's just a different way to look at something, sometimes it's a question that gives them reason to consider something that wasn't even in their consciousness. Although I spent a few years asking questions for a living as a journalist, I never thought I was particularly better at it than others. I did think I was better at listening than most.

But I've come to realize I do ask probing questions that have real impact on people. So, I'm wondering if this is a service I can provide. I'm not sure what one calls this, but it does seem to be a talent I have. I'm mulling it over. Perhaps I need to ask myself some more questions.

When I ran across the above quote tonight I realized laying people open allows them to find their truth. It's already in them, it just needs to be freed. The same could be said of myself.

Coffee Cake Recipe

I've been on the quest for a good coffee cake recipe. I love to cook for Greg's mom, and Miss Joy loves coffee cake. The side benefit is that I figure eventually I'll find something I can easily whip up for Coffee at the Cosmo on occasion. In the meantime, during my search, Miss Joy is always willing to be a taste tester for me.

One of the things I consider essential is a topping of crumbly goodness. This is what defines "coffee cake" as far as I'm concerned.

The last recipe I shared here was okay, but I wasn't thrilled with the texture of the cake itself. This recipe is much, much better in that regard. So far it's my favorite. We'll see what I find next.

Coffee Cake

2 cups flour
3/4 cup white sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 cup butter
1 egg
3/4 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract (optional)
1 cup nuts (optional) - we used black walnuts, but whatever you like would be fine


Topping
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/3 cup white sugar
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 cup butter

For topping mix flour, sugar and cinnamon. Cut in butter until it resembles coarse crumbs and set aside.
 
For cake combine dry ingredients, then cut in butter until it resembles coarse crumbs. Mix wet ingredients. Mix them together just until moistened. Don't overmix or the cake will be tough.
 
Pour cake mixture into 9 by 13 pan, sprinkle topping over it. Bake at 350 degrees until done - about 25 minutes.
 
Reason would say to let it cool. We didn't. Enjoy as you will!