Art of Gracious Living #35

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Loneliness has become an epidemic in the United States. We have more people than ever living in this country and we're increasingly isolated.

Being connected with our fellow humans is essential to our own well-being and to the health of our society. We cannot lead gracious lives without having relationships with others.

This week make an effort to reach out to someone in your world.

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Voting for Jack Wempe

I'm working on a post about Jack Wempe's run for the State Board of Education. We desperately need him. Ken Willard, his incumbent opponent, is a right winger who thinks we should ignore science and teach religion instead. He and the other fools have made Kansas a laughing stock. They talk a lot about "brain drain" here - well, no wonder - what self-respecting, intelligent parent of young children would want to "educate" them in a state where we just decide to ignore basic science?

I saw Jack this weekend at Kansas Dialogue and we talked about the election just briefly. Jack is a great guy - one of the most thoughtful people you'd ever want to meet. He is coming to this race with great credentials and I know he will do a fabulous job for the 7th, and all of Kansas as a member of the state board of education. Look for more about him here soon.

Donna Viola, who lost to Willard in the primary, has thrown her support to Wempe, too. I hope the voters pay attention and do the right thing. I think given the way the primaries turned out that we're going to end up with a more moderate board, regardless, but Willard is one of the WORST offenders and he needs to go. To top it off, we can get rid of him and put in Jack Wempe, who's a great choice all around.

Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much about politics, but it's so important. I'm only the second generation of women in my family to have the right to vote and I always exercise it.

Monday

I have been droopy today - maybe a little allergy from something on the farm Saturday afternoon. I went to bed very early last night and at 3 woke up with a horrible sore throat. I went out to buy some zinc and started taking it immediately and although I was pretty tired today the other symptoms are better. I wasn't going to take a chance on it being a cold and not getting zinc into my system quickly.

We were supposed to have a board meeting tonight for Arts and Humanities but it was cancelled so I didn't have to do that, either. Unfortunately, I did not get a whole lot done today, so I'll have to work harder tomorrow. But, sometimes your body says "rest," and if you don't let it have what it wants you find yourself sick in bed for a very long time.

This I Believe...

I have returned home from Colby and Kansas Dialogue. It was an exceptional weekend. I think this was my favorite of the four I've been to.

The last session this morning was a takeoff on "This I Believe." I was invited, along with five other people, to give a brief talk about a core belief.

I had practised many times, to try and get through it without getting too emotional. However, when you get to the point where you're talking about your core beliefs, it's likely to be emotional, and it was for me. I only cracked up once, and it wasn't even in the place where I expected it to be. To top it off, Teresa and I talked a long time last night and then I talked a lot this morning so I started off raspy, but that's the way it goes. I guess it was as it was meant to be.

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This I Believe

I believe life is all about the little things. Life happens in the moments we're not paying attention. It's never the things we plan for that are the turning points - it's the things that blindside us on an idle Tuesday when we aren't watching. They come out of nowhere, hit us with a fury we couldn't have imagined an instant before, and move on - leaving us to pick up the pieces or revel in the celebration.

It's the things that happen every day that make up a life - the little things - the things we take for granted. Life is not the well planned, long imagined and carefully orchestrated moments. It's the little snippets we don't give a second thought to until we're wishing for them once they're gone.

For many years when I would visit my mother on her Kentucky farm, I would lie awake in the mornings and let the sounds of her daily life wash over me. I would hear the clink of dishes in the sink, the front door opening and closing, and her side of phone conversations. I would close my eyes and commit everything to memory - the sounds, the smells, the feelings - for I knew these times when I could eavesdrop on Mama's life were fleeting. I knew there would come a time when I would be desperate to have just one more of those ordinary mornings.

Life is not made up of the milestones we celebrate with cakes and parties. It's made up of ordinary days that slip into the past without us noting them. We don't long for more weddings and Christmases. We long for more Thursdays and Saturdays. We long for more every days and the routine little things that happen in them.

I believe we should live every day consciously aware that it could be our last. I believe we should try to capture those every day bits - live them fully. and take those memories with us into tomorrow - provided we get tomorrow. These small moments that make up a life are all there is. All relationships end - by choice or by death - we must not let a single second of any we have slip by unnoticed, unappreciated or misunderstood

I've always known death is close. Life is here and death is right there. It truly is a thin veil and it's easy for you or anyone else to cross over. That's why every ounce of life is a gift to be relished, soaked up, lived with complete abandon. The past is over and done with - not even God changes it. We have no guarantees of tomorrow, or even today. We have only this one moment and all that is precious about it, so live it.

Bake bread, treasure your true friends, and tempt fate... take long walks, make snow cream, and wander in distant lands... sing - even if you can't... live in awe every day... smell the lilacs in the spring and touch the smooth skin of pumpkins in the fall... cherish being on thin ice... dance...forget regret and embrace joy... stay up all night just to see the sunrise... learn something new every day... grow tomatoes, pick tulips and give more of yourself than you think you can.

Grieve when necessary, but be happy whenever possible. It's allowed, it's even encouraged. Marvel at a tree, love like your heart can never break, and have tea and cookies every afternoon. Say I love you, say I'm sorry and say I understand. Laugh, give in to your whims and cut everyone some slack, including yourself. Have conversation, give generously and stare at the moon. Listen more than you talk. Write letters, read books and indulge yourself. Be kind, be honest, be gracious, be grateful. Paint your walls red and play in piles of autumn leaves. Question everything, break the rules and respect your elders. Actually, respect everyone.

Wonder at new life, honor those who are dying, appreciate the gift that is living. Drink in the smell of coffee in the morning and sink your bare feet into freshly plowed fields. Eat the best chocolate - before meals. Wish on shooting stars, climb trees and pinky-swear with your best friend. Take responsibility and forgive yourself and others. Whisper "I Love you" in the dark, sleep with lightning bugs in a jar by your bed, jump in puddles and always stop to watch the snow fall. Live every moment like it's your last and never forget to be amazed.

I believe life is all about the little things.

--------copyright Patsy Terrell, August 2006, www.patsyterrell.com

Frahm Farmland

I have spent a fascinating afternoon at Frahm Farmland near Colby. Lon Frahm, who's another person involved with Kansas Dialogue, has been very generous and given us an upclose view of farming in today's world. It's very, very different than the farming I know about from childhood.




They have very little equipment as he does no-till farming. He has 11,000 acres, and the majority of them are in corn. Corn is a very hot commodity these days because of the need for ethanol.

The corn he raises all goes to a feedlot a short distance away. Of course, this makes perfect sense given the cost of transportation. He works with brokers who schedule trucks not only to deliver products, but also fot the "haul back," meaning they return to wherever with another load of something.

We had three sessions this afternoon, one of which was about water. Water is in short supply almost everywhere, and certainly in parts of Kansas.

I'm generally impressed with the overall intelligence of this group, but they have some serious misconceptions about farming. One of the things that's talked about often in Kansas is the divide between urban and rural. Urban people always blame the declining water on the farmers irrigating their crops. Of course, they never consider that they like their golf courses green and the backyard tomatoes watered. And, sure, they're using less water per household, but there's 100,000 households in their town.

It's always so easy to tell the other guy he needs to stop what he's doing, as long as you get to keep doing what you're doing.

And, of course, these are the people who are buying the beef, that's processed down the road at the plant that's pumping money into the state's economy, after beind fed on the corn that's raised with the water.

Corn is a major crop at the moment because it's anticipated that more ethanol will be produced in coming years. I can guarantee you that if there's a market for corn, farmers are going to grow corn, and that's going to take water. So, instead of getting high and mighty about the farmer's water usage, take a look at your own use of the product being made from that corn. If you don't want to eat beef anymore, and there's no need for ethanol and there's no market for corn, farmers will stop growing it. It's very simple, but people are unwilling to take responsibility for their own part in the puzzle.

This afternoon was a prime example of rural vs. urban in Kansas. There were only a few of us in that session who have rural backgrounds, although mine is not in Kansas, and largely we kept quiet, but as one person summed it as we were leaving, "It's easy for suburban dwellers to sit here and say stop doing it. It's not their livelihood."

People use all kinds of resources that are non-renewable (like oil) and create all kinds of negative impact (like pollution), but that's OK because it's their livelihood, not someone else's. I hate the hypocricy of it and, of course, these people would be the first ones to complain about hypocricy.

I did learn something fascinating about sunflowers today. Lon doesn't grow them anymore because they deplete water and nutrients more than any other crop. They also cause combine fires because of the oil that builds up. Apparently they have a very long tap root that sucks water up. Of course, they're essentially a weed, so they're very efficient!

It was a great way to spend an afternoon and the weather even cooperated a bit - it was well over 100 yesterday and at least 15 degrees cooler today. So, that was a bonus.

Kansas Dialogue

I was with a group tonight at Kansas Dialogue, where we gather to talk about issues facing Kansas. Within just a few minutes of people arriving, two people mentioned they read this blog. I'm flattered, very flattered.

One of them is Kathy Kajinami...

Oddly enough, I was thinking the other day that it would be nice to ask readers to send me pix of themselves and tell me something about themselves and I would share it here. So, by accident, Kathy gets to be our first photo.

If you'd like to share your photo, please email me - patsyterrell@gmail.com - and I'll put you pic up here too. I think it could be fun!

Cukes and Callas

Today I picked the tomatoes to share with Debbie and Sondra.

While I'm out there I'm looking at the cucumber plant that is just wild and growing everywhere. I think... hmmm... I know it's been a long time since I grew anything but I should have something other than tiny cucumbers by now. So, I look around and sure enough, there are a couple that are close to being ready. Then I find two that are much bigger. I pull them and cut one and they're not bitter, but not ideal, either.

Tonight I go out when it's cooler and look at the plant some more thinking maybe I'll find another one that's actually the correct size and I can eat it for dinner. Well, I do find one. I also find NINE others that are huge. I mean more than a foot long and bigger around than my forearm - huge. I couldn't help but laugh at myself. I need a sign that says, "Ask me about my Ginormous Cucumbers."




This is one heck of a plant - it's been producing blooms constantly, while growing these monsters even bigger. You'd think I wouldn't even admit this, much less provide the photographic evidence of my neglect. But, of course, here it is on the world wide web.

On the very positive side, I have new blooms - two absolutely perfect calla lillies - the best ones so far. They're a beautiful white with the palest of pink touches... just gorgeous.

I also have two glads that are starting to bloom. I've got to figure out a way to be better about the grass next year - it just wants to take over everything.

This fall I'm going to use the organic method of putting down lots of newspaper and killing off the grass - then hopefully I will have an easier time of it next year.

It has cooled off a bit here this afternoon so I could actually be outdoors for a little while. I went to Roy's for lunch today and they had the weather channel on. It was showing it was 89 in Concordia and I thought, "geez, this is sick, I'm jealous if 89 degrees there - that's almost 90 - and I'm jealous." The heat does things to our brains is my only explanation.

Lamont Wins

Today was the diversity lunch. There were six of us, and it was fun. It's always good to see Theda. I don't get to see enough of her. Rose came with Teresa and I hadn't seen her in ages so it was fun to visit with her. Carolyn is always fun and so is Lovella. All in all it was a good lunch.

This afternoon I had reason to see into the life of some folks I know who live way below the poverty line. It's interesting how I *know* this, but make it a point to not really be aware of it. Today was an eye opener and I left with the thought of "but by the Grace of God there go I" on my mind. It's something we don't think much about, but any of us could find ourselves in that situation. Most of us lead very precarious financial lives.

It made me think about lots of things - from minimum wage laws on up. That, of course, brings me to politics.

Joe Lieberman lost his primary in CT and it couldn't have happened to a better guy. When you're the sort of guy that President Bush wants to kiss, you're not representing democrats. Thank goodness the smart people of Conneticut sent him that message. ABC is saying that Rove has called Lieberman to offer the President's help. Lieberman's people say Rove called but no help was offered. You know what that says to me? Rove called Lieberman. That's not anything to be proud of - not if you're a democrat.

I can only hope this is just the first of many similar stories to come. And, for once, I'm proud of the democrats in congress who all came out today in support of Ned Lamont. Hillary summed it up by saying she has been saying since July that she would support whoever won the primary.

Of course, all Republicans can talk about is war and how we need more of it. I refuse to buy into this BS that to question war is unpatriotic and that we're all in danger if we don't make more war.

Uh, yeah, ask Joe Lieberman how well that worked. Americans have finally figured out that this war is very, very, very costly in lives, money, goodwill and tons of other things. A clear majority of Americans now see the war as a mistake.

Of course the Bush camp is trying to make it seem like moving away from the President's plan in Iraq is bringing on another 9-11. Uh, yeah, except you forgot the part where Iraq didn't have crap to do with 9-11 in the first place.

All you have to do is look at the middle east at the moment and see what we did by destabilizing the region in the first place by invading Iraq. There's more war everywhere.

Maybe people have finally awakened from their long sleep and are starting to realize fighting a war over oil is not very smart - particularly when we keep paying more for it all the time. Maybe they're finally getting tired of watching body bags come home. Goodness knows I'm tired of it. I was tired of it on day one.

Well, I need to go get some rest. I've got a grant to finish tomorrow. Grant writing is one of my least favorite parts of my job, but it has to be done. I'm not real optimistic about getting this one, so it's hard to motivate myself to put too much energy into it. Grant makers really like to support new projects and children's projects. Of course, that's their choice, but it is an odd system. Many people "chase the money," meaning that they see what the grant makers have decided to support this year, and then they write grants for projects geared toward that. I refuse to do that. It's unethical, and I will not lower myself or my organization to that level, but it's done all the time.

I'm not going to just toss out the people I was working with last year because grant-makers have decided to move on to other things. That's the situation and what happens - this year I can get money to serve children with parents in jail, so I create a program for that. Next year I can get money to serve fathers who are single parents, so I create a program for that and discontinue working with children with parents in jail because the money has dried up. I find that distasteful and unethical. If it's a program worth having, then it's worth having. If it's not, then we didn't need it in the first place. I'm not going to get into this "chasing the money" game.

I am so thankful for grant-makers who are supportive of long term programs. United Way is fabulous about this. So many organizations could not exist without the money United Way provides for the basics. An Exec I know from another organization likens it to walking into someone's office and turning off the phone, the computer, the fax and then saying, "OK, work..." - that's what is expected of social service organizations - to work without the basics taken care of. Our local Rotary Club is also fabulous about supporting projects that are not necessarily "new" but are providing a great service.

The Rotary Club of Hutchinson has supported our screenings the last two years and that really makes a difference. Those screenings have saved lives - more than once. And they've certainly improved a number of lives. The Rotary Club has been very generous in supporting that work and I'm thankful for it.

However, in general, people want to support NEW things. And things for children. Those are the big pushes for most grantmakers. And, of course, it's completely up to the people with the money what they want to do with it. It's just frustrating to try and find money to support things you're doing that are working well already. It seems like an odd system - to only want to support unproven ideas instead of things that are working already. But, hey, I don't run the world. If you've read here for any amount of time, you know things would be much different on many fronts if I ran the world.

Oh, gosh... there's something nice to dream about tonight... If I ran the world...

1. Teachers would be rich...

John Doll speaks at Democratic Women's Club

John Doll was the speaker at Democratic Women's Club in Hutchinson today. He's running for congress against Jerry Moran, who's a long time incumbent.

Doll taught school for many years and really wants to change the system we have. I'm including more info from his website below.

The first district in Kansas includes 69 counties, so it's a lot of area to cover. He is traveling pretty much constantly, trying to meet people.

I am continually amazed by the dedication of people who run for office. As ALWAYS, I encourage you to vote. When you don't vote you are, by default, casting your vote for whoever wins.

Reba Gunzinger was at the meeting today. Pat Patucek brought her as a guest. Reba is the new gift shop buyer for the Underground Salt Museum that will be opening in Hutchinson later this year. It was really good to see her. The last time we ran into each other was at Lowes. I'm looking forward to getting to see her more often.

It's funny how there are people who you cross paths with repeatedly in life and Reba is one of those for me. I really like her a lot. We've been acquaintances for years, and I've always wanted to get to know her better.

I also had a really nice talk with Jeanette Mull today. Now that she has her studio next door to my office we get to see each other more often. She's someone I reconnected with last fall that I have always enjoyed.

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From John Doll's website - www.dollforcongress.org
John lives in Garden City with his wife, Janet, daughter, Hayley, and son, Ethan. When you speak with John, you find he is friendly, warm, and personable. John explains it this way, "I really value the opportunity to meet my neighbors throughout our district. I listen carefully to all they tell me - to make sure that I truly understand their concerns, hopes, and priorities." As your congressman, John will be exactly the same as he is now - compassionate, concerned, and committed.

John graduated from St. Mary of the Plains College, and for 20 years taught the subjects of history and government in Kansas public schools. He loves sports and young people and has also served as athletic coach in Kansas schools.

John has an extensive agricultural background, first learning machinery operation, seasonal responsibilities, and the importance of teamwork on his family's farm. As a young man, John was also put to work in the family-owned feed yards and grain elevators. Later, he gained experience as crop chemical applicator and crop insurance adjustor. At present, John owns and operates a successful chemical application business in southwest Kansas.

John values family, faith, and service to country. John's parents and grandparents worked their acres, developing successful agricultural businesses in the entrepreneurial spirit of wanting to make a better life for their children. John's parents emphasized to him the importance of hard work, generosity to neighbors, help for those less fortunate, and a duty to serve his community and country. These values now comprise the backbone of John's philosophy about life, government, and service to others. John says, "We must return our government to its roots and its rightful owners, that is, a government 'by and for the people'."

Monday

Well, I've done a bunch of publicity for the Victorian tea, including going out and posting some flyers. Terry, his mom, Dotty and Joya and I had lunch at Fraeze Drug, but other than that I've been working all day - on about 2 hours sleep. But, I'm doing OK still at 10:57 p.m. I'm going to run to the post office and then I think I'll take myself upstairs for bed.

Austin came by after work today and put together the shelves for the library upstairs. Now I can get more done in that room, which is the key to getting things done in other rooms - it's all a puzzle in my house. It was pricey to have the shelves done that way, but it is also pricey in other ways to have them not done. So, there you go.

4:23 a.m.

It's 4:23 a.m. and I have not been to bed. I've been intending to go for at least 5 hours now, but I've just been a flurry of activity.

I never understand why people want to sleep. It has always been torturous for me, as long as I can remember. I sleep as little as possible. I dread going to bed and can rarely stay asleep more than a couple of hours at a time.

Years ago I did a sleep study, when they were only done at teaching hospitals and were oddities even then. I don't remember all the names for various things, but suffice it to say I'm an odd duck when it comes to sleep. I go into REM sleep almost immediately, and can start dreaming when I'm almost between waking and sleep. This used to be thought impossible, but now with research into things like polyphasic sleep, we know it's entirely possible. It's just something that people generally have to train themselves to do, whereas it seems somewhat natural for me.

One of the tricks for me is that I don't have to have tons of sleep, but I do have to have some consecutively. So, if I'm ill or for some other reason up and down a lot at night I don't feel rested until I have some uninterrupted sleep.

Over the years I've learned to just pay attention to my body and what it is telling me about how much sleep I need. I'm generally up early and also up late. I'm sometimes doing things others might consider odd in the middle of the night. I just went out for a walk about 30 minutes ago, for example. But, it's 73 at the moment - it will be 103 later today - seems to me like 4 a.m. is a great time for a walk.

I have been cleaning and working on MHA projects, doing laundry, organizing things in my house, writing press releases, doing podcasting things, and watching CNN. In only 30 minutes Morning Edition will be on, but I think I may be about ready for a little sleep.

.....

Well, it's 7:08 now and many more things have been accomplished - for home and work. I've not been to sleep yet, but am starting to get tired. An hour or so of sleep will do wonders for me.

A Lazy Sunday

I again spent many hours in bed last night. But, I'm feeling more perky tonight, thank goodness. It's unlike me to not be very productive on the weekends, but that was certainly the case this weekend. I haven't even been out of the house today except to hang out clothes.

I did make some more tomato basil soup. For the first time I think I could actually use more basil than the two plants I have in. Next year I'll be more organized about gardening and plan better. Picking the tomatoes is a challenge because I didn't stake them so they're sprawled everywhere. And that one cucumber plant wants to take over the world. I have to keep fighting it. My lavendar is doing well. I'll plant more of that next year. I also have buds on some of my gladiolus. I can't wait for those to bloom.

I've been organizing a bit in the house today. I have to figure out how to deal with the clothes that are overtaking my bedroom. I keep taking clean clothes up and piling them in there and not dealing with them. I'm not sure how I can think I have no clothes to wear when my entire bedroom is full of clothes. I think, more accurately that I don't have a good system for dealing with clothes. I've got to figure this out because I just don't like my bedroom not being completely clear and restful.

I think I'm going to move my bed to the other side of the room, with the headboard up against the window. I'm not sure I'll like it but I think I'm going to try it. Moving my bed is a process because it's an antique and requires dismantling it. But, I need to do some repair work on the footboard anyway, so it's a good time to do everything at once. If I don't like it there I can always move it again.

I have too much furniture in there at the moment. Austin is coming tomorrow to put together shelves for the library so I'm hoping that I can get some movement on getting the puzzle pieces put together upstairs. It has languished for far too long.

I've also been working on my office downstairs. I have cleared out some things in here and have yet more to do. There are so many things in here. I am going to rearrange this room too. I know part of what I need are a lot of shelves in here. Lots of shelves.

I'm tired of things always being in disarray in my world. So, I'm trying to slowly make progress toward addressing that. Number one seems to be throwing things out. I've kept things for years that I "might want" one day. If I haven't wanted them in a decade, I'm probably not going to. I'm beginning to accept that, which seems healthy. I have hauled so much stuff out of my house, and yet it's still full - seems hard to believe that could be the case, but it is.

Saturdays Aren't Always Productive

I did not have a very productive day, but it was a very pleasant one.

First of all I was in no hurry to get up this morning, which is very unlike me, but I was tired. When I finally did rouse myself I piddled around the house doing a few things and working on some podcasting bits. Terry called and I drove him down to pick up his car.

I decided while I was out to pop by Diana's to chat with her. She is moving the Dancing Grouse to a new location - 125 N. Main - this month. I know it will be good for her. She'll be right next door to Dick Westphal Jewelers and right across the street from my office.

Karen was in there and we all chatted for a bit. I finally convinced myself to come home and get a few things done. I did go pick tomatoes. I'm going to need to find someone to give some to if they continue to produce at this rate. Maybe tomorrow I'll make some more soup.

Susan had called this morning about dinner so we went out tonight. It was good to see her. She has sold her home here so she was in town this weekend packing things. After dinner we went over to her house and visited a bit.

I did accomplish some podcasting chores tonight, as well as did some interesting reading. I'm not feeling overly industrious. I'm just a teensy bit under the weather, a little tired, but it will pass. In the meantime I don't seem to be accomplishing a whole lot.

Tomorrow I have to get some things moved around in the house. Austin is coming after work on Monday to put some shelves together for me and I need to make some room for him to work in. Hopefully I feel a little perkier tomorrow.

Art of Gracious Living #34

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We have so few opportunities to have quiet in our lives, but it is essential to leading a gracious life.

Noise is the number two complaint in restaurants, yet they continue to play loud music because it causes you to eat faster and drink more. Restaurant owners want to sell you more product and get you to consume it quicker so they can seat someone else there and sell them more product more quickly.

Unfortunately, this leaves us with less time and inclination to talk with our companions, making the connections that are essential to a gracious life.

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Viagra

I'm watching Craig Ferguson, as I do almost every night. I've decided it must be me and a bunch of impotent men who are devoted to the show because they have constant ads for Viagra and Levitra.

Again, I ask, "When did all the men in America become impotent?"

I've seen the Viagra commercial a bazillon times now where they guy is watching a game but wants to follow his woman off to the bedroom. So, he picks up a video tape while the announcer says something like, "there's only one great passion, unless you're really clever." Clever? People have been using videotapes for decades now. Actually, we've pretty much stopped using them now. The fact that the guy can put a video tape in is not an indication he's clever.

Levitra is obviously geared to men with medical issues. Viagra is geared toward men who are pretty - but not very bright.

Long Week

It has been a long work week. The last couple of days have been especially trying. I just got out of a very long bath - more than three hours long. I wanted to wash away the residue of the week.

I didn't get nearly as much done as I had hoped but that's just how it goes. Hopefully next week will be more productive.

I've got a lot on my mind these days and I guess it's making it even more difficult for me to concentrate. It's not the easiest thing in the world for me to begin with, so I don't need any more confusion.

I just read something recently that said people who take Ritalin - even those with normal brain function - have higher IQ scores. I will have to check the veracity of that, but I remember thinking it was a reputable source I was reading at the time. I've never taken Ritalin, although it - or something like it - has been suggested to me on more than one occasion. I'm just not a fan of messing with my brain chemistry unless absolutely necessary. Things like that have effects we cannot foresee and I'd just as soon not be sucking down stimulants - amphetamines - potentially addictive drugs.

Taking something that alters my brain chemistry is far too risky for me at this point. However, there are times I wish I could focus a bit more easily.

Well, I have some writing to do that needs to be sent to various spots, so I'd best get to it. If only I could figure out how to get paid for writing my blog.

It's a Good Thing I Love Computers

We had a bit of rain last night and I'm thankful. It cooled things off a bit and that was a welcome change.

I had volunteers today to do the newsletter. It's on its way - thank goodness. I spent most of the day on the phone with various tech support people. In the last 24 hours I have done the following computer related things:
1. replaced the network card in my work desktop
2. Called D-link for further instructions - this, thankfully, was someone who could actually help me
3. Call to Cox where, as usual, they tell me they don't have to do anything for the box to recognize the adapter. But, as always happens in these cases, it begins working while I'm talking to them, without me doing anything. They're magic.
4. Had my printer suddenly decide that all the print menus should be in Japanese. Unfortunately, I don't speak - or read - Japanese. Had it been French or Spanish I could have muddled through, but an entirely different language, I couldn't work with that.
5. Call to tech support for Brother - LOVE THEM, LOVE THEM, LOVE THEM.
6. Call to D-Link for further instructions on wireless setup, which stopped working two days ago, but was too low of a priority to deal with yet. I now know the D-Link support number if that's any indication of how much I've spoken with them in the last few months. Today I spent over an hour on the phone with a girl in India who, not only does not have much of a command of the English language, but apparently also has a bad headset. After all of this, the answer is that the router needs an update. I just went through the update bit a few weeks ago. Oops, there's a new update. Lucky me. Of course, one can't download it through a router that doesn't work, so it's a multi stage process. I left the office with that still not working. Maybe tomorrow.
7. Replaced the keyboard that suddenly stopped working.
8. Replaced the mouse that couldn't go on without the keyboard.
9. Decided it's a good thing I really love computers or I would have chucked this one out onto Main Street about 2:15 this afternoon.

I decided yesterday I wanted to rearrange my office so everything in my office is torn apart, too. Sometimes I wonder what I'm thinking. Or if I am.

Well, I think I need to get to bed a bit early tonight - at least for me. Obviously, I will need all my brain cells firing tomorrow.

Bugs and Blooms

I have been very suspicious that the little guy here, and his friends, are the reasons my morning glories have very large holes in the leaves. I figured I had enough plants I could share, so I haven't sprayed for grasshoppers or any other "pest."

This afternoon when I came in from the office it was starting to cool off a bit so I pulled some weeds and in the process discovered this grasshopper and also a little caterpillar, and then another caterpillar. Maybe I've been too quick to blame the grasshoppers.

It was so windy I couldn't get a good pic of the caterpillar. His little fuzzies were blowing in the wind. Someone I'm just guessing he's not just hanging out, but may also be consuming some of my plants.

Of course, I still have no blooms on the morning glories - but lots of leaves - so I'm not sure it matters. I went and looked at last year's blog entries and it seems I was blathering on then about not having blooms so I'll just be optimistic it will yet happen.

This afternoon I also discovered that shamrocks bloom - I had no idea.

Tomato Basil Soup

I made tomato basil soup for lunch today, and it was delicious, if I do say so myself.

The ingredients were simple - tomatoes and basil from the garden, cooked in some tomato juice. Then some butter and cream - of course. That was all in the soup, other than just a dash of sugar, which I add to any tomato based recipe.

But I also made some pesto. I picked a lot of basil, added in some garlic, pine nuts, parmesan and olive oil, and mixed it all the blender. I put some on top of the bowl of soup and let it float on the surface of the soup. It was pretty, as well as tasty.

It was really the perfect blend of flavors. If only I had kept track of the proportion of ingredients.

Driving and Thinking

Greg and I had a long drive last night, back from Joplin, and as is often the case on long drives some interesting topics came up. One of the ones I'm still mulling over today is what impact we have on others lives, and vice versa.

I was thinking back over people who have been pivotal in my development as a human, who have helped shape my concept of who I am and my path in this life.

This started because Greg and I were discussing how we know so many people who don't really "live" - they go to work, they come home and watch TV and then get up and do it again. On weekends they do laundry and lawn mowing and other chores, but never really "live."

This got Greg and me thinking about how in our 20s we were so influenced by each other and how pivotal that was in our development. We were together as a couple from our early to mid twenties until our mid 30s - those are really important years for development. Greg and I were a good match. I always joked that left to our own devices he would go on a trip and spend all the time in the hotel planning with a map and left to my own devices I'd do something to get arrested. Those are exaggerations and extremes, of course, but we were a good balance. We've both been able to take that balance into other areas of our lives, even though we're not together as a couple anymore.

I cannot imagine my life without Greg in it. He has been someone who has been there for me at every turn. We've been friends, a couple, and friends again - actually, friends always. He is part of the reason I am able to do the "adventurous" things I do - he is the stability in my world. We all have to have people we know we can depend on, and Greg is one of mine. I'm blessed.

Thinking about how we influence others and vice versa made me think about my last bf, and the fact that I knew him from ages 21-26 and how important those years are in your development as a person and how you're going to move in the world. I never thought about that much when we were together, because I was 17 years older and past the point of remembering how impressionable those years are, but in retrospect I have thought about it a great deal. I just hope I did him no harm in any way. I am very, very, very different than anyone he had ever known, and probably ever will know again, unless he changes his life course dramatically. Hopefully he will just see those as exciting, adventurous times and not have any negative associations. Hopefully my influence in his life, whatever there was of it, was good.

I was also thinking about people I know who's social lives largely revolve around people I have introduced them to. When I think about this, it becomes a bit of an overwhelming concept - with a lot of responsibility.

I was also thinking about how many people I'm friends with are in my life for awhile and then drift away, even though I work to keep the relationships going. Maybe they're not supposed to continue - maybe they're only for a season. And maybe some people move out so others can move in.

Maybe part of my role is to have new people come into my world, introduce them to others, and then see those relationships flourish. That seems to be what happens most often - they form relationships with each other that are as strong, and sometimes stronger, than the relationship I had with them. Yet, even when they already know the person sometimes before I introduce them, they don't seek to form a relationship until we all come together for some reason. I am continually puzzled by human interaction - or more accurately by the lack of it.

Then there are people who have been friends for a long time, and don't seem to fit the typical pattern. But there are others who profess to be very close to me, who I also feel close to, but have no real need of seeing me or making connection with me. Few relationships can survive that - some can - but they are rare. I make the effort, repeatedly, to have that connection and a few weeks ago I just decided I was done with a lot of that. (See post about Some Days you're just Done) There are people in my circle who rely on me to be the social catalyst, to organize, plan and host the gatherings.

Where I'm from it's socially understood that if people turn down your invitations three times, they're not interested and you should leave them alone. I have broken that convention many times since I've lived in Kansas - I don't know what the rule is here - but I think I'm about to stop making so much effort.

I am available. I am reachable. I am open. It will be curious to see who invites me into their world, instead of only accepting invitations into mine. My guess is that I'm going to have more time for blogging, and if so that's what is meant to be. I hope I am surprised.

There are so many people who have been so important in my development as a human. I'm still mulling all that over. It does give one reason to pause and consider how things we do can have long term effects.

When Matthew and I were sketching a logo on a paper napkin at a deli years ago, we had no idea that would lead to the huge changes that came to a small village in Honduras. We never know what effect we may have. And we never know how we may be affected.

Art of Gracious Living #33

Click here for show #33 and it will automatically download for you. You can listen to podcasts on your computer. You don't need an iPod or any additional software.

There are two questions you can ask anyone that give tremendous insight into who that person is, what motivates them, what is important to them, and how they're likely to lead their lives.

You can also ask them of yourself to gain insight. We are not always motivated by the obvious.

Everyone should know the answer to these two questions.

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Fantastic Caverns in Springfield, Missouri

Altrusa District Eight is having an informal gathering in Springfield, Missouri. There are about 20 of us here and it's been a really fun get together.

I just arrived this morning, but some came in last night.

This afternoon we went to Fantastic Caverns. I may not have mentioned this before, but I have a thing about caves. They're filled with rocks, so how could I not love them. Something I learned today is that springs are the overflow for caverns. I didn't realize that.

This is the first time I've ever been in a cave where you ride through it. Generally there's a list of different trails you can take and you pick which one you want by length and difficulty level. But at this one you just get on a trailer that is pulled behind a jeep and ride through it.

It's always so nice and cool in caves. This one had a couple of places where they let us touch the ceiling. You could feel the wetness. Where people had touched so much it was darkened and where the jeeps don't go and people can't reach it was still the white of the calcium.

Overall it was neat. And a bonus was that they had a lot of rocks on sale in the gift shop at half price. I bought some amythest that's really pretty and a piece of citrine. It made me want to go back to the Rock place in Arkansas where Diana and I went before.

I would say Fantastic Caverns is well worth it if you're in the area, but it's not the same sort of experience as Mammoth or Carlsbad. But, for someone who can't walk a long way it would be a great way to see a cave.

It's good to see everyone.

If you've ever wondered

If you've ever wondered what video producers do when they're not producing videos.....



This is Steve, Greg's brother, who is a video producer. He has produced documentaries that have appeared on PBS, and his piece, "The New Ballgame," played at the Cooperstown museum for a whole season. His current project is about RailFans. Find out more about his work at http://www.shpvideo.com.

Steve is one of the best writers I've ever met. The first thing I read that he had written was about a trip he made to Russia and it was amazing writing. That was some years ago and I still recall it. I'm always impressed with writing that seems effortless because I know that's rarely how good writing happens.

The short story - Steve's work has won three CINE Golden Eagle awards. That's a really big deal. Other winners of this award over the years include Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Ken Burns and John Lasseter. Like I said - it's a big deal.

No wonder he needs to relax...

Creative Sisterhood on the Road

I had another tomato from the garden today, with some fresh mozzarella and basil flavored olive oil. For once I had the good sense to put the basil in the olive oil a few days ago, so it had a nice flavor today.

It was a wonderful day today - it rained off and on and it was so nice and cool today - 70s, which was such a nice change of pace. Unfortunately, I was tied to the computer most of the day so didn't get to take advantage of it much.

I did pick my first lavender flower today. I didn't take a photo of it and I gave it to Martha tonight, so I can't show it to you. But it was nice and delicate.

Our Creative Sisterhood group went to Wichita tonight, and met Martha there, to see her new office space. She is expanding her business, with an office in Wichita soon. It is WONDERFUL space. I just know they're going to be happy, productive and profitable there. Diana was kind enough to drive so we could all go together to meet Martha.

After we spent some time in the office we all walked over to Larkspur for dinner. It's right across from her new space. We had a great conversation. All around it was an amazing night.



That's Teresa in the yellow, then behind her is Virginia, Martha, me, Julie (green) and Diana in the purple.

Finding a Good Man

I heard a song today that refers to Finding a Good Man. I was thinking about the men I've dated and I think I've found every single one of those mentioned in the song, with one exception that I don't think really exists.

liars (check - don't lie to me - especially when the truth would suit better)
cheaters (check - but only once - learned that lesson quickly and thank goodness wasn't stupid enough to fall for the "I'm sorry, it meant nothing, it won't happen again, I'll make it up to you" crap - yeah, you can make it up to me when you can turn back time and not do it - until you have that power don't bother me again)
cold mistreaters (check - people sometimes have odd ways of showing their love for you - people can be more cold-hearted than you ever would have imagined when they were telling you how much they love you - was that just yesterday?)
Momma's boys who can't make a stand (big check on that one - I hope I've learned that lesson because this one is quicksand)
superficial players (check - hasn't everyone been down this road)
"I love ya" too-soon-sayers (big check - it creeps me out when you tell me you are going to make me fall in love with you on the first date - save it until you at least know me well enough to know I'm not a serial killer)
big-talkers (check - talk is cheap)
bad losers (check - let your 6 y/o niece win the game for goodness sake)
fast movers (big check - sorry, you just can't sleep with every guy who asks you)
listener (check - they're jewels - rare and precious)
perfection (not yet - although love and lust have blinded me to the fact that this doesn't really exist at times)

Fortunately, I was always smart enough to stay away from the liars, mistreaters and players for the most part. I did make one mistake with a cheater - but I learned from that.

The odd thing about it all is that I just find this more humorous than upsetting. Men come in all types, just like women do. I've had some wonderful men in my life and you take the bad traits with the good one.

I've been crazy about a Momma's boy but I think once is enough in a lifetime. You just can't compete with his Momma or his Daddy and what they think, so don't even bother trying. 'Cause I can guarantee you that you're not good enough for their little darling - he already knows it, but he really wants to pretend that he can stand up to them. He can't. And eventually you're out and Momma and Daddy are back in and that's the way it will always be. I'll file that one away in the "lessons learned" category.

Overall, I've been very fortunate when it comes to the opposite sex, but it's fun to remember people who taught you important lessons in life - even if they were painful at the time. My heart has been broken. My heart has healed. And I'll no doubt repeat that cycle again if I live long enough. 'Tis life - rich, wonderful, exciting, rewarding, funny, painful and enticing.

Questions

Fifty questions from last night --- it's a bit over the 20 Question Limit --- but I'm game.

1. First Name? Patsy

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Not that I know of

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Few days ago

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? mostly

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? thinly sliced mesquite turkey

6. KIDS? no

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH You? would depend on who I was - some people love to be around me, some people can't stand me

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? many, many, many - some filled, some blank

9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? No, why do you ask? Yes, I certainly do.

10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? nope - just a gory story about their extraction from my throat when I was three - yes, three.

11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? you bet

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds

13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? yup

14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? yes� life requires it� I'm far more easily hurt than people realize... but I am very strong... life didn't offer any other options - you roll with the punches

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? I don't discriminate against any kind of ice cream. But, I'm very fond of chocolate and nuts as ingredients.

16. SHOE SIZE? 11

17. RED OR PINK? Depends on the shade of each� My dining room is painted red� my purse is bright pink

18 WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Oh gosh, that's a tough one� I'll pass

19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Mama

21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Green summery pants and white shoes

22. LAST THING YOU ATE? a tomato from my little garden plot

23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Craig Ferguson Show

24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Burgundy red

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? something baking on a chilly day, when you walk into a warm house are are hit with that smell

26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Greg

27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? face, hands, demeanor

28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? now that's a silly question� like I'd give people I don't like my email address

29. FAVORITE DRINK? Diet Sprite or hot tea

30. FAVORITE SPORT? not a big sports person now that I'm not in college

31. HAIR COLOR? brunette

32. EYE COLOR? Blue

33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? sometimes contacts, sometimes glasses

34. FAVORITE FOOD? salad, veggies, fresh food� great fruit� cheese� homemade bread� pasta� and - of course - sweets... wish I didn't like them but I do. A lot.

35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? happy - I don't do scary� fear is not an emotion I enjoy - I don't pay people to induce it in me.

36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Cars

37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? bright orange

38. WHAT DO YOU LIKE BETTER, SUMMER OR WINTER? winter - it's when CHRISTMAS comes!

39. HUGS OR KISSES? depends on the person

40. FAVORITE DESSERT? bananas foster

41. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I'm not sending this to anyone, so N/A

43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Just finished Freakonomics - haven't started a new one yet - am reading my latest Scientific American Mind magazine right now

44 WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? gel wrist pad - both blue

45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Craig Ferguson

46. FAVORITE SOUNDS? many, many, many � "I Love You" whispered in the dark by someone I am madly in love rates pretty highly

47. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles by a hair

48 THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Egypt

49. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? yes� but I don't know you well enough to share

50. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? December 23 in Kentucky

Wednesday

I spent the day working on a number of different projects. I have some things I want to get done before the end of the week. In fact, I'm staying up tonight until I get the newsletter ready to take to the printer tomorrow so it's out of my world.

We did go to lunch at Roy's. When I was outside the door I could hear Mike chopping inside and it occurred to me that that is one of the "sounds of Roy's." I'm always into sound - I guess it comes from all those years in radio.

I realized once that it was probably no accident that I chose a career where I was controlling sound, something I couldn't do in my childhood. In radio I could control what sounds, the volume, how it sounded in the end, what was mixed with it, everything... not accidental. Of course, I guess few things in life are accidents.

Tonight I went to a civil rights rally on the steps of the courthouse. Today is the 16th anniversary of the passage of the ADA. There were lots of people there I knew.

Jan Pauls spoke, as did a number of other people. Jan is one of our state legislators and someone I really like. We don't always agree on politics, but I really respect her. She was just noted as someone who has never missed a vote in the 15 plus years she has been in the legislature. That is dedication.

This was organized partly by Taylor, Diana's daughter. A number of Diana's friends were there to show support. Teresa and Debbie both came, as did John.

There were representatives from a number of different groups. Jim Potter told a great story about growing up that related to the topic.

The most interesting comment came from the Reverend who said if only we would uphold the constitution and Bill of Rights we'd have no need of additional legislation for so many civil rights issues. He is correct, of course. But we don't seem willing to do that.


It was good he was there - not only for his speech - but also for his singing abilities. We definitely needed a song leader on each one and the Reverend had a nice, strong voice. I guess that's pretty much a requirement of being a reverend. There were three different songs, including "We Shall Overcome" at the end with the candlelight vigil.




Afterwards, Diana, Teresa, Debbie and I went to get something cold to drink. We didn't leave until a little after 10 when they closed.

I've still got some work to do before I can go to bed so I should get to that.

Journals I Covet

There are some things I covet, and journals are one of them - these journals. I'm very particular about journals - the kind of paper, the texture, the size, lack of lines, etc. etc. etc. Like I said, I'm particular.

Diana just got in these really cool journals made from recycled saris on the covers. I swear, The Dancing Grouse is like drugs to an addict sometimes.

I so desperately want to own about a dozen of these journals. But, that would be excessive. And foolish. And unnecessary. And I already have journals that are waiting to be used. But I like these oh so very much - they are in pretty colors and the paper feels so nice.

I had a small leather one like this for awhile that was my journal for my purse. It's full now, but I did like it. At the moment I'm using a little journal I got at Target in the $1 section and I love it except it has lines. I can't really journal on lined paper - it's confining - but I use it for notes.

Pretty journals... something I covet...

Tuesday

It has been a full day. I got up very early this morning and did some things around the house and then went out for a walk while it was still cool - well, it was only about 80, which is cool compared to what it was later in the day.

Greg came back to Hutch last night so we went to Dutch Kitchen for breakfast this morning. It was good to see him. It's been about a month that he's been gone.

I spent the work day focused on some projects I just want to get out of my life - things that have been hanging over my head too long. There are always things that aren't critical, so they never seem to get done. I'm trying to get some of those out of my life.

Tonight was meditation class at the Dancing Grouse. In addition to class I also checked on the time for the spiritual fair in Wichita this weekend. Friday is 3-7 - I was hoping it started earlier as I have to be there for some things and wanted to stop by. But, I'm not sure I can wait that long and catch it as had been my plan. We'll see how the week develops.

Meditation class was interesting, and afterwards Teresa, Debbie and I went out to continue our conversation. It was enlightening. We had a discussion about private vs. public lives, and how that plays out in everything from relationships to blogs.

Although I share a great deal about my life here, there is still a lot of my life that is very private, and will remain that way. Experts say that when you say you're "private," what that really means is "I've been hurt and need to protect myself." Well, gosh, who hasn't been hurt? I don't know anyone. Pain is just part of the price of being alive - at least truly alive. I don't think you can live a full life and avoid pain at the same time. Interesting thoughts...

Wisdom

It has been an enlightening day for me. I got some insight into an old relationship today that came from an unexpected place. The details don't matter, but I realize that in the end it was all about power and control.

Isn't so much of life about power and control? Maybe this is why it takes me a long time to figure things out - neither of those matter much to me. I forget they are driving forces for so many people. Sometimes I wish I understood others better, but as I wrote some time ago, "the 'norm' is a mystery to me."

When people's lives are out of control, when they have no real power, they exert power over whatever in their lives they can - including relationships, colleagues, their personal appearance and dozens of other things.

It's been an eye opening realization for me. As I look back over a number of years, I can see multiple instances where I - or a situation I was engaged in - was the victim of someone's life being out of control and them needing to exert power and control over *something*, which became the relationship/situation/whatever. It's the reason I've spent time doing incredibly stupid busy work, the reason I've cried over lost loves, the reason I haven't understood purchasing decisions, and no doubt many other things that will eventually occur to me.

What to do about this? Well, all I can come up with is... nothing... other than to not have anyone in my world who cares about these things. That's much easier said than done. We can't choose all the people we do business with or interact with on a regular basis. Besides, these are not horrible traits in and of themselves, it's how they are manifested when people feel powerless that is the problem.

We all feel powerless at times. It's what we do about that that matters. I generally get in the car and drive and get away. Or, plan a trip further away to remove myself from the situation. I turn to my journals and try to figure things out. The ways I try to regain control over my life are much more subtle than the "housecleaning" others sometimes do. I haven't ever felt the urge to go cut a foot off my hair because work sucked. But, people do things like that - dramatically change their personal appearances - without realizing why they're doing them.

I think if you're living consciously, present, in the moment, you're less likely to do something like that. But, that could just be my thinking, and have no bearing in reality.

I don't think it's a conscious decision by people when they feel out of control. They just feel out powerless - impotent, if you will - and so they exert whatever power they have to control whatever they can. Sometimes you or the situation you are in is something they can control, so they do.

I guess if I were a more easily controlled woman that would probably have served the purpose to some degree. But, that's not who I am. So, there you go. Maybe the trick is for me to choose to work and play with people who are present and in the moment, and can find different ways to deal with it when they feel powerless. Yeah, hmmmm..... good luck with figuring that out in advance. We humans just aren't that predictable when it comes to such things. So, you live and learn... and so does everyone else on the planet... and hopefully you meet in the middle somewhere.